I can tell you are really hurting, and believe it or not, God is hearing you and believe it or not, God is right here, right now, hearing you. Didn't Jesus say: "I shall never leave you?"
That means, God never "left."
Now, what you need to know is that YOU are the author of your own life. That means, you have the power to change your life and what you are experiencing and how you are choosing to react to what you are experiencing.
You, have the power, to change HOW you feel about something by choosing to feel something different. You must see this as an active process of choice. Ask yourself,
"How do I feel about this NOW?"
Then, validate the feeling, recognize it is real, and then give that feeling up to God. See yourself, with your hand outspread, with the problem in your hand, and say:
"Here God, is the problem I need solved."
Then, have the faith in yourself that God will respond and answer you. You may not think that when you are speaking to others that you are not speaking to God. But I want to remind you that God works in mysterious ways. Never underestimate the power of what you are experiencing.
If you do not like what you are experiencing, CHOOSE to experience something different. Choose to feel differently.
I know this can seem easier said than done, but God never said life was always going to be easy. God expects you to do a little work for yourself. You know that old saying, "God will not do anything for you that you can do for yourself."
Well, God does do things for you anyway...to an extent that is. God, thus far, has made sure that you are ALIVE. God has provided you with a HOME. God has given you clothes to wear. God has given you good friends. God has given you your family. God has given you all the things you have.
There is nothing that you now have that did not come from God.
You say, hey, my mother gave me that! Or my friend gave me that! And I say to you, God gave the means to your mother or your friend to give it to you. So you see, whatever has already come to you has come to you from God. And the fact is, God is going to keep on giving you things.
Jesus said: Ask and ye shall receive. Now, do you believe the Master?
Jesus said: Even before you have asked it, it shall be done unto you. Now, do you believe in the Master?
Do you really believe what you say you believe? I want you to ask yourself to be truthful with YOU. If you put your entire faith in God, there is no way you can loose. No one who has ever put their entire faith in the Lord has ever lost. So if there is something in your heart that you are doubting, it can undermine you. Remove the doubt and have absolute faith!
I know it's hard, but sometimes, it takes time, for God to arrange things in just a certain way so that they happen for you. Not everything happens instantly, at least, not as you have been saying. This means you have a ways to go in your relationship with God. There is nothing wrong with that. You are perfectly ok with God. You take all the time you need to come to a fuller and more complete understanding.
I desire that you see your relationship with God in a slightly different manner. I want you to see God as REAL. This requires FAITH. For God is as real as your best friend and in fact, God IS your best friend...better than any earthly friend you now have.
You have chosen and so you are experiencing, change the choices and you change the experience.
Now, about your father. And I can see just how MUCH you love him...and how hurtful the experience for you has been.
Sometimes, in life, two people find out they are not right for each other or the two people change or there are a thousand other reasons that two people cannot stay together. Your father, did what was right for himself, and I know this is hard to accept...but every human being, has a right, to change their life if what is happening is not right for them. In fact, it is not in the highest interest of any individual to stay in a relationship that does not serve them. I am sure your father still loves you, even if...he may not admit that to himself, but if he does, then honor that love! And respect your father for being truthful with himself and you. Remember what one of the Commandments says: "Love thy Father and thy Mother."
It does not say: Love your father only if he stays with you.
I hope you can see this.
You will honor God and yourself, when you can forgive and let go and then move on with your life. Ultimately, you must forgive and let go or you will carry this hurt with you your whole life. That is NOT what God wants or expects from you.
God expects that you will learn to forgive and then blossom into the wonderful, beautiful person that you really are. God has created you like a precious ROSE which has yet to unfold. Now, your whole life sits before you and God waits for your life to unfold and blossom into a beautiful ROSE.
Just think of all those you will love and who will love you in the future. Think of all the challenges that await you in life, the career you have ahead of you, the sons and daughters you will have, the wonderful wife you will have, the home you will give them, the employers who need your skills and talents, the wonderful opportunities that lie just ahead for you to create, the love you will give to others, the roads you will build for your life, the achievements you will claim, the growth you will attain, the sharing and caring that lies just ahead for you.
All these BLESSINGS are yours, from your's truely, God!
God is always there with you, as God is here now, right at this moment, responding to your call for help! God works in mysterious ways, and mostly through others, so you see, never doubt where the help comes from. Never loose faith!
Never give up! Always, ALL WAYS, have faith in the One Supream Almighty Being who loves you!