My husband informed me today that he "wishes I were more like his mother!"?
Please, ladies..I know you feel me on this one. What am I supposed to do with this man. Have any of you had your husband come right out and say it? I mean, his father is a preacher, so sure his mother is perfect. I'm so mad at him, I swear I want to tell him to go live with his mommy and get a divorce. This statement was the last straw after a year of fighting about buying his parents house. (they're building on the lot RIGHT next door, and he wants to buy the one they're in now! I don't think so) How do I convince him that I'm not his mother, but I'm a good wife and try to do my best. I have a bit of a big mouth sometimes, but what woman doesn't. He was raised with the idea that women should be seen-not heard (and we're ONLY 25!) I didn't realize he was such a caveman when we dated..now I don't know what to do with him! I'm a good stay at home mother, and I do my best. They house is clean, his clothes are clean, and our son is clean..what more does he need? Advice, please?
- tillermantonyLv 51 decade agoBest Answer
I am guilty of having done this to my wife too.
Men choose women who remind them of their mothers or mother figure. This is well recognised as a social pattern around the world.
I am 50yrs old. I refuted this theory when I was 25, but over the years I became aware of how close to the truth it really is. There are many things you will have in common with your mother inlaw even if they are not obvious.
What we have here is how he is focused on how you are different which takes him out of his comfort zone, and the way he tries to communicate it and in so doing totally sabotages the spirit of family interraction. He is effectivelly alienating you from his mother.
I am guilty of the same attitude and my wife felt no less offended by my comparisons than you are.
And rightly so too. I was stupid and wrong to try to get my wife to be more like my mother. Thank God she didnt listen and instead she built an even stronger barrier of resistance everytime I brought it up.
I like what you write, I cant help you break mothers apron strings, but I do support your right to be firm on this matter.
Any chance he had of getting you interested in buying the family home has been already corrupted by his pathetic attitude of throwing his mother in your face and if that isnt bad enough they are moving in next door.
It wouldnt surprise me if you eventually flee in desperation and find so much relief that you dont return
I hope this man can see reason. His life is destined for dismal failure if he ever thinks he can clone his mother.
Your issue is a critical decider in the make or breaking of this marriage.
I do like the way you express yourself. You are right.
I snapped out of it when I looked at what I loved about my wife that was different from my mom and accepted that the key to relationship is exactly how we work with difference.Source(s): Married 31yrs
- 1 decade ago
I get that from my husband too. You want to know something I found out that she wasn't so perfect there was a past in her life and made her share of mistakes. Could it just be him? Sometimes they want the approval of their parents with everything they do in life they lose it a little. You sound like your working too hard to please this man when honestly there seems no pleasing him at all. I know my husband is the same way. I never do anything right but, once I go on strike and he has to start cooking his own food and washing his own clothes the broken record changes real quick. Then he's kissing my butt . You are never gonna measure up to his mother we never do. Just make sure your son doesn't get corrupted like his Dad. The good thing is that he has you to teach him otherwise.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
That lifestyle ended in the 50's child. Most stay at home mom's now just don't have the ability to help out financially. Also being a preacher's wife does not make one perfect at all. The ones I've known were actually pretty wild.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Another unfortunate sideline of this is you will end up hating your mother in law because she is sooooo perfect, even if she has done nothing wrong!
I agree with the other posters regarding talking to him but I would also suggest bringing it up in conversation with his mother - just very casually - sort of along the lines of "I just don't know how you did it, bringing up a family and getting everyhting so perfect.... *husband* is always saying I need to be more like you". She will probably be horrified at this thought and point out that she is nowhere near perfect and he is only seeing her through the eyes of a child - she may even have a word with him!
So instead of sitting stewing over her perfection, develop a friendship and use her as an ally.
Good LuckSource(s): Experience - my sainted mother in law died a few years before I met my husband - she raised him from a young age alone and there have been more than a few times I have had to say "ok your mum did it this way but I am me and I do it this way"!!!
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
OMG.... you poor woman you!....... let me remind you there is no such thing as perfect especially just bc his Mommy dearest is the wife of a preacher.... um he really still attached to the umbilical cord, yes you should tell him to grow up and grow some balls whilst his at it. why don't you tell him to marry his mother if he loves her that much and cant be a man and let go...... oh how sickening!..women should be seen not heard..hmm and this is his father teaching no doubt.what a sick stupid sexist pig!... and to want to buy their house and live next door.hell no !!!!!!, and what a jerk of him to compare you to his mother.i feel sorry for you, if i were you aI would have told him whee to go long ago!...good luck living in a life of hell with the in laws!...get out or suffer!Source(s): me... i tell it how it is
- eeyore6838Lv 51 decade ago
Hunny, Hell no. You seem like the dutiful wife so he shouldn't have any issues. Tell him if its his mother he wants hell she is just next door, and let him go. I had a husband like that it took me over 5 years, to explain and show him what a loving and caring relationship meant, my husband was totally screwed up when we got together, mouthy you mean you let your feelings known is a good thing. Counseling might help, and if his father is a preacher than go to him, if you look in the Bible, the husband is the head of the home but is to treat the wife better than himself. Use that one. I lived across the street from my parents at one time 7 years, my parents moved from the neighborhood. Good Luck you are going to need it.
- 4 years ago
- mn ladyLv 61 decade ago
Before you freak out I would want to ask him, in what way do you wish I was like your mother? He might surprise you, and the answer might not be so bad. It is not so horrible that a young man loves his mother, goodness knows it is more often the other way.
Tell him you love him the best way you know how, you are a good mother and housewife and you hope for your marriage's sake that it will be enough for him.
- StarLv 41 decade ago
Tough one. This guy is a total mama's boy. So , be very careful with your words when you even say anything about his mother . It can ruin your relationship. He will always love his mother but hell, ask him how does he even think about you to being like her . he has to love you for you . Not ! to be anything like his mother . The hell with it! Just tell him You ain't his mother and never will be. Throw his stuff out and say go stay w/ your mother see if she can do you like I do ,lol.
- 1 decade ago
My husband did the same thing when we first got married and I stopped visiting his family (mom) with him and told him that if she is so much better then me, go live with her.
He had the comparison problem. I didn't cook, clean or what ever the hell he wanted like his mom did so I took the food that he said he didn't like me to cook, his mother made it soo much better and cooked it everday for a week. When he asked why i was doing that to him, i said I was trying to cook it like his mother. and he stopped and apologized for it , never doing it again.