Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicPolls & Surveys · 1 decade ago

I've decided to start looking for a part time babysitter for my 2 lovely children?

Please state your name, qualifications, and conditions of your parole.

Update:

My kids aren't effing ginger...

22 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    My name? Jose Jimenez.

    Qualifications: The laws of physics do not apply to me. The laws of the State of Utah do apply to me, but I have never been there so it doesn't count. I have a master's degree in knitting and a doctorate in aluminum foil graffiti.

    My parole officer is missing and presumed to have joined Doctors Without Borders, which is what I told the nice detectives. The conditions of my parole include no longer selling children on the black market. Now I am strictly eBay.

    And I need the stickers.

  • I'm Bob Newhart, a reknowned psychologist in private practice. I also have a second residence in Vermont that I employ as a bed and breakfast. I do not have any current parole restrictions....but I do have a throng of unstable,immature people who require a great deal of attention from me .... adding a couple of kids to the mix should be no problem.

    edit: You must give dashing geek the BA for reaching back and pulling the Bill Dana reference out. Bill Dana .... funniest guy that nobody remembers.

    Source(s): Maple syrup.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm GCG.

    I once fell asleep with Supernanny on the TV, so I'm pretty sure I absorbed some info... plus I have never knowingly put a child on or near an open flame.

    Schools are kind of "off limits" for me after a severely over-hyped situation involving firecrackers, so if they're school-age, you'll need to leave cab fare.

  • Bored
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I would love that job.

    My name is The Iron Fist (that's what the parole dude calls me...he's so hot)

    No qualifications...

    I am not allowed to go outside. That is the only condition of my parole ;)

    So....did I get the job?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Kristen: I like My Little Ponies and I don't stick them in naughty places - I bite my fingernails, so I would never scratch the kids - I think children's Benadryl is awesome - I'm a Mario Party expert - I babysat DIngelbury's son once.

    I'm not on parole, just probation which is much classier, I must say.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ethel Mertz

    I have experience with children. I was a teacher but got fired for making out with my 17 year old student Richard Ricardo

    Paroled for being drunk and disorderly whilst wearing a clown costume at a child's birthday party

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Nerdy

    I halfass take care of a three year old for a living. By that I mean, I make sure he doesn't injure himself.....too bad. Or bad enough to leave noticible markings.

    No parole. I served my time.

    References available on request.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ashley Roseanna Combs

    My 5 year old:

    knows the words to, at least, 3 Gong songs,

    has really white, healthy teeth,

    and is really good at video games.

    I'm a good girl, thank you very much.

    Source(s): After reading all of the other answers, my god, I'm sucking today.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My name is Bonnie humpanut

    I can beat one child into submission while washing dishes with the other hand and kick another one straight into a brick wall. i have a very firm throat choke hold and bite damn hard.

    I was just let out for solicitation, drug driving, drugs, theft and violation of a restraining order in 18 counties.

    I feel I am the best women for the job, trust me your kids will be so good you wont even know they are alive....

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Karen

    Mother of the year 1992-1995

    I regret to inform you I can no longer be around children!

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