i live in ca. with my boyfriend of 17 years. his drinking has progressively gotten worse. he used to be a happ

y drunk and now he is a mean drunk. it is now my fault that we can't get along and i am wondering if he can throw me out of our home since we are not married and the house is in his mothers name...our home is in major construction and is an investment actually between his mother and himself. she has her own home on the other side of the heights where we live. yes, i know shacking up for all these years was beyond ignorant on my part as i look back now, i am living this dream...while many incl. family and friends know and think of us a together forever and etc...i was just wondering what my posistion might be if he and his mother decided to tell me to get out after this evenings heated discussion afterwhich he took my dogs and left for the evening to his mothers house. nevermind he was at a bar 6 hours today while i have been nursing my poor 10 year old dying great dane who has bone cancer at home. nebulous details aside, i wonder if they could throw me out when today he returns..?

13 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Check with a lawyer or find out if there are cohabitation laws that may apply favorably to you. I found a website that deals with cohabitation laws in california: http://www.palimony.com/

    If there are no laws favoring you as you are not married, you might want to move out before they get a chance to tell you to leave. Take all your stuff with you, he is destined to get progressively worse if you stay and do nothing. sounds like his mom is one of the enablers and I tend to think that she would pick to side with him, whatever happens, whether it be the right or wrong thing.

  • 1 decade ago

    That is an awful situation on a few levels. I have to agree with the person who said that if you have established residency there for so long that they would have to go through an eviction process. That usually is handled on a County level and does not happen overnight. But still, that doesn't mean that they can't try to ask you to leave and make life really uncomfortable for you. With that in mind, you might want to consider being ahead of their game and leave on your own. I don't know if you'd have any place you go, a friends or relatives, where you would be comfortable and where they would not mind your dog. Anyhow, 17 years is a long time, and I'm sorry that you are seeing someone you care about being dragged down by alcoholism. That is really sad, and I can't help but wonder if there is any chance of him trying to turn things around... 17 years is a lot of time to throw away. Good luck, I hope that you find a path to consistent happiness, and the solice that I'm sure you could use.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know the legalities of all that, but I do know what it's like to live with an alcoholic. His mother doesn't see what he has become? My ex's mom saw it all, and she has remained very close to me and her grandson. Put the living arrangement to the side for now. He needs help. Have you talked to him about AA? It didn't work for me, and maybe it woun't for you either. What I do know is that even though I had to start over, and I really struggled at first, I'm so much better off without him in my life, and so is our son. You have to think about you! I will never again be with someone that drinks heavily. I stuck it out for 18 years until I had a child, that was my motivation for leaving. Plus after so many years, like you say, he became mean. He was physically abusive, as well as mentally. I didn't want my son to see that. So we left. My ex moved in with a stripper, and they are still together almost 5 years later. And he's still a mean drunk, and he beats her. I think she has a problem, and she gives as good as she gets, I'm sure. The most important thing is that I'm out of it, and so is my son. Be strong, and have faith. You are all you need. You do not need him, and you can stand on your own! Take care of you first. If he isn't willing to get help, that house is the very least of your problems. It will be very hard at first, but then one night, you'll be in your new little apartment all by yourself, and it will just hit you that "hey, this isn't so bad. In fact this is pretty good". That happened to me on Dec 23 about 5 months after I split with my ex. Yes I was still struggling a little, financially, but I had the most important thing...peace. Peace in my heart. That feels so good! You hang in there, and you'll see. Good luck, my sister!

  • 1 decade ago

    This is not your fault. You can't help him drinking and you can't make him decide to get help. I am sorry about your dog. Really sorry. I know how it feels to have one you love dying like that. I think that probably they can throw you out. Even if not legally it would be a huge effort for you to stay if they really want to. You should get legal advice. Some towns have cheap lawyers and stuff you can access if you look around. You could consider faking it to buy yourself time to get out. Just be nice all the time to him and act ..just act. Do what you have to so that you can get by until you can move. Its not pleasant but you have to look after yourself and your dog first. If you have lived together you probably are entitled to half the house..well i am not really sure. But i bet you are. I just don't think its something you want to be fighting for while you still have to live there. Are there any friends or family you can move in with? The thing is i don't think his drinking is gonna improve so you are going to have to leave sooner or later. I am sorry. I know its horrible to contemplate and scary but it might just be the truth. Take care ok? Its gonna be ok. Just maybe not for a while. You can get through this. Or if he is not violent then you refuse to leave. Even lock yourself and your dog in a room. In fact go get some stuff together now just in case you may need to retreat to a quiet room with your dog.

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  • 1 decade ago

    depends on the state you live in and it also depends on weather or not you can prove you have an established residence there or not. If when the cops do come, providing they do, you can show them proof that you have lived their for 17 yrs then technically no he cant throw you out. But beings the house is in his mothers name she can start the eviction process in which you would have 30 days to vacate the premises.

    Good luck on that. Hope all turns out for the best.

  • 1 decade ago

    Now do you see why marriage is more then just a piece of paper? You have invested 17 years of your life into a relationship with a drunk & now you get to walk away with zero! As legally by law, you have no claims to the property nor home, also the fact that its in his mothers name makes it even 50 times harder, so this is a losing situation. Now for the more serious stuff, I to have been with a alcoholic, unlike you I married him, but theirs one huge difference, I get to walk away with a half a million dollars in assets & cash! & Full medical & dental for years to come, so next time you hook up with a new relationship you might want to think about marriage? Now that I,ve scolded you, I want to get down to the part where you must get on with your life, & it wont be easy, but it can be done! Believe me, no one knows the horror of being with a functioning alcohlic more so then me, & I can tell you that this man is in his late stage alcoholism, not so much physically, but mentally, this is why he is no longer a sweet drunk but a mean & angry one, so I cant stress to you how very important it is for you to just leave! As alcoholism is a progressive disease, he will continue to worsen, & so will you, as Im sure your well aware that you are a co-dependent? I mean you are obviously not dumb, nor so naive that you dont know the signs & red flag warnings that you are in maybe more trouble then he? As we co-dependents, tend to take all the sickness & disfunction of the alcholic & it builds up & eats away at our very soul, so while you may leave with no money, leave with your dignity & womanhood, as you have much to live for but you first must take that first step, & the first step is to get out, second step get help from Alanon, It saved my life & can save yours to.

  • hi. i'm sorry to hear you're having problems but it looks like you are out of luck. one of my aunts just went through the same thing, but they were together for 20 years. if i were you, i'd look into making some new arrangements now so that you don't go through what she did. all the time that they were together she was a house-gf so she didn't have her own money, really anything of her own. anyways, when the relationship ended, she was basically kicked out, hardly any money, no job. at the end of it all, her ex-husband bought her an apt. needless to say she got off realllllllly well. he must really have a heart of gold.

    as for your great dane, i'm sorry to hear that. must be very hard. have you considered letting him go? i don't mean to sound heartless, i just don't think i could go on seeing my pet suffer like that.

    either way, i hope things work out for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Y dont u leave the house on ur own ?y do u wait till he throws u out ?find some good guy who loves u and cares for u and give u shelter.dont repeat the mistake again,dont get involved with the guy who has bad habits.

  • 4 years ago

    You guys aren't together any more... Although his boss could face jail time; at least here in the United States. Technically she kind of took advantage of a drunk minor.

  • 1 decade ago

    be nice to him till he comes back..if he doesn't ask you to leave then your safe for today.if his mom is nice..tell her everything, hopefully she will understand. if she doesn't then do this :

    Get him drunk and somehow make him sign on a piece of paper. later on you can use that against him..

    i know that's bad.. but you haven't left yourself a way. good luck

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