Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Age difference relationship advice please?

Age difference relationship advice please?

My friend, bartends at a “dive” bar where we live. I go there when I am bored, and see her. If my friend didn’t work there I wouldn’t normally go there. Over time I have been getting to know some of the regular customers.

I meet this man “David” who is best friends with the owner. David is 59, a retired teacher, with his master’s degree. I am 26, a medical assistant, also in school for my BSN in nursing.

His wife passed away from a very complicated 2 year ordeal with open heart surgery about 8 months ago. He loved his wife very much; they were married for 30 years. About a month after the funeral, we started talking more often, and making plans to meet up. Everyone was trying to be there a little more for him. I know that it helped him, having us all there.

I personally enjoy his company and the times we have, I like getting his view on things. Having him in my life has really done a world of things for me, we have fun together to.

He has come to me and told me that he has very strong feelings, much more then a friend, and wants more of a relationship. He means the world to me, the age difference is so big, and I think it would just be a bad thing. I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, and if they have any advice? I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I just can’t see it working out for very long. I really want to do the right thing.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It sounds really lovely, but I think you have 2 options here:

    1. you can be his girlfriend and enjoy it and let time decide what your relationship will develop to. I'm sure in time you both will reach a final decision within yourselves.

    Or,

    2. Just stay as friends only, I know it sounds rude, but you're still young, and you have lots of options coming in the future, he lived his life to its full extent by now, and I'm sure he enjoyed lots of friendships and relationships.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My mother and father had 34 years difference in their ages. ( he was 54 and she was 20 when I was born.) They were married for 15 years before my father passed away from cancer.

    I am 48 my wife is 28 and we have been married almost 9 years. My 25 year old daughter thinks we make a perfect couple. The biggest thing that has helped keep us together is very direct and open communication. We talk about everything and although we have our disagreements we listen to what the other person is saying and then we reach a compromise that works for both of us.

    And no my daughter does not call her mom nor does my wife want her to call her mom.

    Final note age is only a number not a curse.

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  • Donna
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Well you explained it then didn't you? You cannot see this lasting very long. That is what you need to be telling him. Giving his age, he will be more apt to understand your point of view. I would tell him, that you really like him as a friend, you don't want things to go beyond friendship. Tell him you appreciate the help he has provided to you, but you would rather see your life go in a much different direction that is more appealing to your nature and desires. Let him know that someone will come along for him and that things will work out for him too. But given the circumstances I don't think that someone who could be your father would be a suitable boyfriend/husband. These relationships are looked at as gold-digger relationships and likewise. I would persue different avenues. I only arrive at this conclusion because of what you put in as... you don't see this lasting very long.

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  • 1 decade ago

    There IS a huge difference in the amount of "life experience" between the two of you. It is possible that you enjoy his company because he has a fatherly effect in that he can speak to you based on his life experiences. Much comfort can be derived from that but it is not likely enough for a relationship.

    I am not going to address the physical age difference because I do feel that it is irrelevant. It IS possible to fall in love with and be compatible with someone older or younger than oneself.

    You are young, just starting out, full of hope, ready to experience a new career with your eyes wide open, uncertain about where life is going to take you. In short, your are experiencing the BEST part of your life!!! Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who has "been there, done that"? Would it not make sense to find a life partner who is full of hope and wonderment, unsure what is around the corner, who wants to discover life's mysteries WITH YOU?

    My advice, "David" sounds great. Really, he does. Still, I think he is friendship material.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The age difference is way to big. 59 and 26? He is thinking of social security and your thinking of your next social situation...And think about what you shared in the question...All this stuff about his personal life and you being a nurse...Put away the messiah complex in you and truly ask yourself if you want to be with him or do you feel sorry for him? Would you want a guy spending time with you because he felt sorry for you? Since your friends, keep it that way. In time he will meet some older woman that really has the capacity to meet his needs and you will meet a great younger man that can do the same for you...

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  • Klaus
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Dont let the age difference scare you. Retired widow, might be far more steady partner than some young guys... You enjoy his company and he does have feelings about you. Go ahead with that relationship, and enjoy all the years it will last. Age difference aint bad in your case (if you would be 16 that would be another story). And by the way, dont judge by age (some young people never see their 50th birthday, and some old folks see their 100th birthday), nowdays people live longer, who knows, how long your relationship will last...

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    "I just can't see it working out for very long." What i hear from this is that it will work for a little bit. If you are cool with having a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere serious, go ahead and go with it. Age ain't nuthin but a number. You should probably tel him of your reservations before the relationship. That way he knows not to expect anything more than casual. But heck, even if he wanted a serious relationship, he has to be content with a short casual relationship with a much younger woman. It will make him feel alive and young again. Do whatever you want.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The age difference is way too much! The question is, will you be happy in 10 years time?! THink about the future not just here and now...

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  • 1 decade ago

    Best Friends Forever. <3 Instead of dating for a few months then seperating because he could be your father.

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  • 6 years ago

    It will work out if you want it to and if you work at it. I'm 47 my wife is 29

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