My husband and I were watching the Biggest Loser Couples last night, and I was shocked to realize that my husband is as big or bigger than some of the men on there. He is six feet tall and weighs 295 pounds. He has said for a good couple of years that he is going to cut back and lose weight - I'm especially worried because he has a very large stomach, and they say that is the worst place to carry your extra weight. His Dr. has him on cholesterol meds and has suggested that he lose some weight.
He all but refuses to exercise, and he gets out of breath doing ordinary things. He grunts if he has to bend over to tie his shoes, and I just can't believe he's gotten this far.
My question? How can I help him? I don't want to nag - really. But when I realized he was as big / bigger than the people on the show trying to lose - he completely denied. Said he's not that big. I ask him to walk with me - always get "later". I eat salads, he gets double 1/4 pounders. HELP?!
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Ultimately, his health is his decision. You can steer him in the right direction, but only he can step on the gas. Just continue with the subtle hints and perhaps get the rest of the family involved.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Wow. What a hard thing to deal with...watching someone you love do this to himself. Someone made the comment that no one is fat and proud..I agree. You have many big people out their who act proud and seem proud, but the second they are able to have all that extra weight taken away they are all for it. Their reason, which should be the main reason and focus with your husband is health. I mainly agree with LB. You should sit him down, no matter how many times you have tried, and explain to him that you love him, need him, and want him in both your and your children's lives for as long as possible. And more importantly, that your not going to give up on him. He, in a way, has maybe given up on himself but that is why your their, this is your "wifely duty" for a different term.
Try to use as much psychology...even if its a type of reverse psychology on him as you think may help. Ask him what if it was you. Tell him that maybe you guys should see a therapist, that the fat is killing him, and the worrying is killing you.
Ultimately, he does have to want it bad enough for himself to make the change. Making the change of long time habits of eating unhealthy and not exercising is one of the hardest things to do. I am dealing with this myself. But it can be done. Have faith and love in him.
You could throw some scare in their as well. Do some research and find some statistics, tv shows, magazine articles, whatever may help and SHOW him what it could do to him. I just remembered a Cosby show episode where they were worried about (I think it was Cliff's health) so they did one of their famous "skits" to scare him - if you have to get creative! Maybe find something, a hobby like dancing, or a sport that you both can start doing together. Maybe walking just isn't his thing.
Good luck and many blessings!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Ask him if after several more years of inactivity and gaining weight, he would like the idea of his wife and children having to tie his shoes for him and maybe even losing respect for a grown man not taking the time to get himself and keep himself in shape for their sake. This sounds harsh I know, but this feeling people have about getting winded from a little exercise or feeling the pain afterwards, is actually just the start to getting stronger again and feeling better and they need to get moving instead of whining. Good luck and I hope he sees the light....soon. : )Source(s): Been there, felt the pain and the satisfaction of losing the weight and keeping it off by not just going on a diet for a few months, but changing to a lifetime commitment of eating healthier , meaning more fruits and vegetables, smaller portions, exercising, ...but also having my treat of a fastfood hamburger ( without the fries) , pizza ( a slice or two, not the whole thing ) and other foods once in a while. .....only once in a while is the key.
- wazup_dude2007Lv 41 decade ago
First of all acknowledge how hard its going to be for him. Everything in our culture says eat, eat, eat. Let him know that you want him to be able to live longer so that you don't lose him at a young age.
Unless you have those trainers yelling at you and pushing you it is HARD to exercise. It isn't fun for an overweight person like it can be for smaller people. It hurts, it scary because you can't breathe, its embarrassing because you can't breathe, and its not like you can see a change so it gets discouraging.
He has to want to do it. You can't force him or make him or even trick him into it. It has to be his decision and his alone.
He sounds like me, I look in the mirror and I see me the way I was supposed to look, not the obese person who is really standing there. That makes it even harder to make a change.
Find something he's interested in doing. I hate walking, it feels pointless. Maybe he'd enjoy kickboxing or swimming. If his health is that important to you then it has to be worth it to spend money on it, even if you don't have it.
Just thinking about exercise gets me out of breath but I know if I had something I loved to do, like swim, it would be easier. There isn't an indoor pool in my area though. It isn't as easy as people believe. Compare it to quitting smoking or drinking. And the most frustrating thing for most of us is we aren't the ones who can sit down and eat a whole box of twinkies. We eat the same things other people eat yet they don't have this problem and its very frustrating.
I know I didn't have many ideas on how to help you help him but I hope I could provide insight into how he may be feeling, whether he'll admit it or not. Maybe you could try compromising. If you eat healthy for one meal, I'll do this and start working on something about you that worries or annoys him. Always be there for him no matter what and never judge or nag is he does start trying and accidentally makes a mistake. Also don't make it the type of thing where he can't have his favorite foods, encourage him to eat less of them.Source(s): Morbidly obese and pregnant.
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- LBLv 61 decade ago
he needs to WANT to change before he will but you could scare him a little. Your avatar says you're a mom of 3 is that true? You need to sit him down and start the discussion of what will become of you and your 3 kids if he dies. Ask him to get more life insurance because you're afraid if he continues on the path he's on, you'll end up alone sooner rather than later.
The truth is, his health affects all of you and he needs to know that. Remind him that you are and always will be attracted to him and in love with him no matter what but you're concerned about his health-
- LepkeLv 71 decade ago
Unfortunately, if you've talked to him about it, there is not much else you can do. Ultimately it's up to him whether he wants to lose the weight or not. You can provide a great example by eating healthy and exercising but beyond that it's up to him.
- Rebecca WLv 71 decade ago
This is something he has to want to change and if he doesn't nothing you say or do will make one iota of difference. If you do keep on him however it could hurt your relationship and make him feel like you don't love and accept him as a person. leave it be for now.
- 1 decade ago
Let him know how much you love him and you want him to be around for the kids for a long time and maybe that might pull on his heart strings
- Simply LovelyLv 61 decade ago
My brother is a big boy too. He is a heart attack waiting to happen. It will probably take a health scare for your husband to get him to realize he his slowly killing himself.
- 1 decade ago
I am not mean, however, if any one wants to loose weight, HAVE A HEART ATTACK. That will surely do it. That is what will happen if they do not loose weight. Remember you cannot put a pretty name on it and call it obessed. It is surely "FAT." Trust me, no one is FAT and proud.Source(s): www.heavenatitsbest.com