Barry asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

Please correct my mail. Thanks

This is a mail I want to write to a teacher. Please correct the grammar, pounction, and sentences structure if ther're not right. Thanks....!

Dear Sir,

>

> I’m Barry Hung, a student in Department of

>

Applied Foreign Language in night school. I’m a

>

plumber and electrician, so we don’t use English.

>

People live around me don’t speak English very much

>

either. That’s why I’m eager to find some teachers

>

and some people whose English better than me.

>

Originally, I thought I could mail you some writing

>

and translations and looked for your correction.

>

During the final exam on Friday, I heard you will

>

leave OCIT, I started to hesitate. If you leave the

>

school, that means our relationship is not teacher

>

and student anymore.You have to help me to improve

>

English without profit. I won’t make too much

>

trouble for everyone, so I’d like to ask you again

>

whither I can mail you some writing or not. If you

>

agree, please let me know.

>

> By the way, congratulations! You will enter the Notional University.

>

> Thank you,

>

> Best Regards.

2 Answers

Rating
  • Mina
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    我覺得樓下打的不錯了!不過也想來幫你改一下看看!

    因為有些地方能再加強。

    不知道你認不認識對方呢?因為聽起來你應該是認識對方的。

    紅色的地方是英文再翻回中文給你聽聽看那不同的地方與意思或是我的備註

    我盡量不要改太大!希望你滿意囉:

    dear Mr. xxx (xxx的地方要打他的姓氏;通常都是這樣起頭的,sir也沒有說不能,不過Mr比較普遍!禮貌也有顧到),

    I'm Barry Hung, a student in the Department of Applied Foreign Language in night school. As a plumber and electrician, people whom I work with does not speak English, and so as the people who I live around with. (這句我沒有改很大!我想你看得懂!所以就leave it like that。註:寫東西的時候最好把有not的分開,像doesn't就要寫does not、cant就要寫can not。) That is why I am eager to find some teachers or even people whose English is better than me.

    I thought I could e-mail you some writing and some translations, and was hoping that you can correct the spelling, gramma and mistakes in them. But during the final exam on Friday, I heard that you will leave OCIT.

    I hesitated, because if you leave the school, then that means you are not my teacher anymore. So, I was wondering if you may do me a favour, if possible, to still help me on improving my English skill? yet in the same time, I hope I did not trouble you.

    (在這段我把兩段放在一起了,因為你主要就是想問他能不能幫你,因此其實寫明告知他就好了,不用給太多有的沒的

    圖片參考:http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/blog/rte/smiley_4.gif

    而我想他看到問題應該也就了解了!而我把"我希望我沒有太麻煩到你"放在最後一句,把整個東西弄的婉轉一些。)

    Please let me know if I may or not.

    moreover, congratulations! You will enter the National University.

    (他進了那個大學沒?因為沒有的話你就不要打這句。因為你的這句意思是恭喜你,你"會進這所大學的"。除非他進了,要不然這句有點多餘。如果你是要說恭喜他已經進了,就說:Moreover, I heard you got in to the National University! Congratulations!)

    and again thank you so much,

    Sincerely,

    Barry Hung

    有問題歡迎再補充,希望你滿意唷。

    圖片參考:http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/blog/rte/smiley_7.gif

  • 1 decade ago

    Dear teacher,

    I'm Barry Hung, a student in Department of Applied Foreign Language in night school.

    I'm a plumber and electrician, so the people that work with me don't speak English often and the peoeple that lives around me also don't speak English very often too.

    That's why I'm eager to find some teachers and some other people whose English is better than me.

    Originally, I thought I could e-mail you some writing and some translations and hope you can correct the spelling, gramma and mistake for me.

    But during the final exam on Friday, I heard that you will leave OCIT.

    I started to hesitate, if you leave the school, that means our relationship is not teacher and student anymore, so will you help me to improve my English in future? I won't make too much trouble for you.

    So I would like to ask you a favour, if it is possible, if I encounter some problems in future may I e-mail you?

    Please let me know if I may or not.

    By the way, congratulations! You will enter the National University.

    Thank you,

    Best Regards,

    Barry Hung

    我大概修改了一些些...

    我把 You have to help me to improve english without profit. 整句改掉了, 應為這句話聽起來真的很奇怪. 聽起來好像他一定要幫你英文還沒有酬勞.

    當然請大大先看過吧...

    希望可以幫到你...

    Source(s): 自己
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