Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social ScienceGender Studies · 1 decade ago

which of your parents had the most influence on your beliefs and behaviors where gender relations are concerne

d?

i think my father had a profound effect on how i view marriage and intimacy even though i spent little time with him. any thoughts?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I don't exactly hail from average folks. And, as one of my brothers says often, "Don't be trying to tell people about our lives because they'll never believe you." My father AND my mother were both free-spirits. They couldn't shuck fast enough all the cultural fubar off their souls as they explored the world and grew more enlightened with each day of their lives. They were giddy about having children to raise in their own liberal vision. We were wild and gender-free. I refused to attend school unless I was allowed to bring along my .22 rifle. As you can imagine, I did not attend much school. Thank goodness for that.

    My mother, although she was a powerful force to be considered unto herself, assumed the traditional 1950's subservient role to her husband. I watched that and it troubled me. By far, my mother had more sense than my father. In moments of life and death danger, we followed her, not my father. He resented that. I watched that, too. They had gender power stuggles in their marriage.

    Then, when my mother was the president of an army wive's club up in Alaska at a hardship post, with only a third grade education and a lifetime of genderized inhibitions, she got a HUGE entertainment budget to put on grand productions for the soldiers with performers like Jimmy Durante and Dean Martin and such. She exploded with genius and artfulness. Her natural skills of leadership and problem-solving and organization finally came into play and were magnificently expressed. And, she was apparently a theatrical genius. The productions were world-class. I saw her grow more beautiful and happy then than she ever was in her life. But, my father resented her pre-occupation with something outside of the home and family and marriage. He viciously sabataged and undermined and ridiculed her effort until she collapsed in confusion and frustration. I watched all of that.

    She quit all outside interests then, to satisfy my father, and essentially curled up with a pack of Viceroy cigarettes and Wheel-of-Fortune type escape TV until she died. I blamed her for awhile, for her own giving-up. But, she did not believe in herself enough to perceive a way around the genderized limitations of her upbringing. She made sure, though, that her only daughter believed in herself.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My father. My Mother was very traditional, and since my father was a fine man, it worked out for her. But he always wanted the best for me, and directed me away from traditional jobs. He almost had a fit when I told him I wanted to be a school teacher instead of a historian, my first dream. Not that there is anything wrong with teaching school, but he didn't want me to give up my dream, just so I could work my hours around my future kids ( which I never had.) He always believed in me and supported my intellect, and never let me even think of riding through life on looks alone. He was a lawyer, and I became a lawyer.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Both and neither. I actively worked hard on my gender related behaviours and seriously examined my values. I did not repeat their mistakes and I have retained the positive aspects. I have had a long and stable marriage, with very few arguments.

    A lesson I have been consistent in telling my children is that we don't have to learn our behaviours and values from our parents and then pass them on to the next generation. We are all human, we all make mistakes, but we are also responsible for examining our own actions and beliefs then learning from them. Fortunately we can usually change them.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would have to say my mother. The way she held everything together and geniunely cared for everyone taught me to repsect all peoples. My father was a man of few words and unfortunately didn't really figure out what he was all about until he passed. But it has taught me a lot on being a father.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Neither of my parents, but my maternal grandmother had a profound affect on me.

    She was a very determined and strong woman.

    She died in 1965 when I was 14.

    She taught me to be honest to myself and to my beliefs.

    To never feel frightened to voice legitimate feelings.

    That you could achieve anything you wanted if you set your mind to it.

    Also no job existed which could not be achieved by a woman.

    She was such a smart Lady and I still miss her today.

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  • micco
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    maximum suitable moments: i do no longer understand any quite, moments i've got self belief like i've got performed something i could properly be pleased with, or sharing good moments with acquaintances. Worst: whilst i'm offended, I communicate before i think of, and that i in many situations say issues that are uncalled for and harsh. this is not my maximum suitable trait, yet i'm easy and that i renowned that this is a flaw.

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  • Maris
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I think both my parents did. I learned from them what I did not want in a marriage. They had horrible communication skills, there was no romance, no mutual respect, no happiness. Neither one seemed to ever be a priority to the other.

    Thats completely opposite in my marriage - I make sure it is!

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  • 1 decade ago

    My father. He was a Quaker, and insured that I was raised in that faith. One of the strongest underlying beliefs of Quakerism is that all people are equal, and he definitely demonstrated that in his everyday life.

    I learned from both of my parents how important communication was in a relationship, basically from the fact that they couldn't communicate. I remember, as a child, hearing them fight and wishing that I could go and tell each of them what the other meant. By the same token, I learned from my mother that common courtesy is important even in close family relationships--basically because she didn't practice it, and that hurt.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My father had the most influence on every political view I've ever had. His view of marriage is almost the diametrical opposite of mine, though.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My mother told me that women have to do household chores and that women can't do things as well as men. My father was an alcoholic and she just put up with him because it was the done thing not to leave husbands.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    We are finding that parents have little effect in such matters and that the genes plus the unique environment have a much greater effect.

    At least, that is what the behavioral geneticists I work with are telling me.

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