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Ferberizing vs Co sleeping?

I want to hear from anyone who has either ferberized (cry it out) or co slept with their baby. I heard that babies are easier to handle when they are older if you let them cry it out. I just want to know the long term effects of either letting the child cry it out or co sleeping. If co sleeping, how long did baby co sleep and was it hard to get baby in his own crib. If you let them cry it out, were they happier, more independent? Please also specify the child's current age and/or age that you used whichever method you used.

Update:

My son is 5 1/2 months old. He was sleeping on his own (without crying) until I put him in bed with me when he was sick. I let him sleep in bed with me for 2 weeks and now he wont sleep unless I am next to him. He wakes up every 2 hours and I am sleep deprived and exhausted. When he is in his crib alone he only wakes up once during the night. I just want to get some sleep!

14 Answers

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  • Tanya
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    read this on crying it out:

    http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

    know that Richard Ferber has redone his book... the newer version is more gentle in it's approach... research proved him to be not so right to say the least.

    there is a lot of research that cosleeping makes a child more independant... they learn (from the comfort of their parents arms) how to do things without being pushed, there is more of a focus on what they can handle and letting them reach their developmental milestones in their own natural time.

    pushing kids to do things we want them to do and when we want them to do it is never good, especially when they're babies.

    my daughter is now almost 5 yrs.

    it was not hard to get her into her own room, there were never any tears shed... but we planned a long transition to make it easy on all of us. no one likes to change a huge part of their life in one night, we didn't expect our toddler to do it either.

    ..................edit: here's is part of another post to another question I answered:

    I have a theory, I'm just a mom w/ a big family and a lot of friends... but this is what I've noticed from the people who complain about their kids being in their beds, those who have almost a daily fight with their babies/tods/preschoolers/ AND school aged kids to stop sleeping in the parents bed:

    those who are not welcomed, those who are continually "kicked out" of the family bed, those who once older are called names like "don't be such a baby, go to your room" are the ones who stay the longest. they're insecure, they're scared, they cannot sleep alone. they've not been allowed to develop their own sense of security from the safety of parents bed, so they don't know how to handle their own dark rooms alone.

    those who are welcomed, who never had a crib, or who's parents chose to use it as a clean laundry basket (me), seem to leave in toddler/preschool age. my daughter was officially, totally out of our bed and room by age 2. we started a long slow transition at around 18 months when she weaned from breastfeeding. she didn't go on her own, we did get her a toddler bed and encouraged her, but there was no crying during the transition - a few objections, but we compromised, I sat on the floor, in the room, but not next to her bed a few nights... but she did great, it was a slow process, but before her 2nd bday, it was a story, a prayer, hugs from mom and dad, turn on the night light and out we went - she'd fall asleep either singing or talking to her stuffed animals.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Everyone has their opinion about this. First major question is how old is your child? That makes a huge difference. I believe at the earliest you should start at 6 months if it is something you are going to do. But keep in mind that crying is a way that your baby communicates. I co-sleep with my daughter. She is 7 weeks old. I love it. I love being so close to her. Hearing her breath and being right there when she wakes up to nurse. I don't plan to do it forever but I feel that I will know when the time is right to move her on her own. She is actually on my chest right now as I type. There are many schools of thought and I am not sure if there has been actual scientific studies that show pro's or con's, I am sure they are out there though.

    Source(s): Here is a link for baby center.com about the Ferber method. You can read up on it there. You can find a lot of info on it on line. http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demy... I co-sleep with my 7 week 5 day old angel.
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  • Sher
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I co slept with both of my girls. The older daughter is now 16 and the younger is 9. They are both very confident, bright independent children. I only have to tell them once when I want something done and they do not talk back. I get compliments all the time about how lucky I am to have such great kids...but luck doesn't have much to do with it! Neither does co sleeping, though.

    We co slept with both of them until they were Toddler age. I want to say 2 or 3. They took naps in the crib and that was it. They actually both decided they wanted a "big girl bed" on their own. We bought Toddler beds, got sheets and comforters with their favorite characters on them and made it a big deal. They each took to it and never looked back.

    Occasionally, the younger still wants to sneak in. We let her once in awhile. She is more of a physical kid and enjoys this time more.

    The older one did sleep in our room on the floor for awhile when her sister was born. It made her feel special during this transition. Eventually, she got sick of the crying and "moved out" to her own room.

    Do what feels right for your and your family. No one can make this decision for another person. Don't listen to anyone who says their way is the only way...there is no absolute in parenting!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I did not do CIO with my daughter. She slept in a cosleeper next to our bed (which is a sidecar) for the first 4 months. Right at the 4 month mark, she started having trouble sleeping and ended up in bed with me. By 6 months, I'd had enough of cosleeping (she nursed all night long and I wasn't get much sleep at night). It wasn't that hard to get her to sleep in the crib. My husband helped a lot with it by responding to her when she woke up and rocking her back to sleep. She still didn't sleep through the night though. From then on, when she woke at night, I'd bring her into our bed and the compromise worked. My rationale was if she started in her crib, eventually she'd sleep longer stretches and end up in there all night, which she did. She's 22 months old and still doesn't always sleep through and still ends up in our bed sometimes. Every time she gets teeth, her sleep turns to crap. Nursing has been a lifesaver with getting her to sleep (we're still nursing too). With CIO, it seems like people always have to do it more than once because of travel, illness, teething, etc. It's not a cure all. I don't know if CIO children are happier and independent or easier to handle. I do know that my daughter has always had her needs met and she is very confident and outgoing. She's a handful at times, but she's not afraid of anything...strangers, new places, people dressed as characters. She's very attached and friendly. As long as she can see me, she is happy to run off and do her own thing. I attribute her being well adjusted to my attachment parenting philosophy. CIO doesn't mesh with that way of parenting. If you are looking for some specific resources on CIO, here's a link you can check out. This is a thread on a well respected breastfeeding site with a lot of anti-CIO links listed.

    http://forum.kellymom.net/showthread.php?t=42835

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  • 1 decade ago

    We co-slept full time with our DS until he was about 7 months old. Then he started the night in his crib, and came into bed with us at his first waking to finish out the night. Around 10 months, we had a really bad bout of teething - he was back into our bed until he was about 13 months. Now he sleeps on his own mattress on the floor next to me, and goes there willingly when he is tired or tell him it is time for night-night.

    He now sleeps through the night, and is a rather independent, ferociously happy 18 month old.

    To me, CIO vs. co-sleeping are two of the "extremes" in the sleeping world. To co-sleepers, CIO seems cruel and heartless. Babies communicate by crying - laying there crying and screaming for someone to hold you, and no one answering sends a message. To people who CIO, co-sleeping is a one-way ticket to developing a child who is clingy and unable to self-soothe and constantly needs them.

    The trick is to find what works for you, and go from there. Throw out the rule book, and start paying attention to your kid. My DS screamed and became hysterical if left to cry. But now that I have taught him that I will be there, and how to calm down he can self soothe and puts himself to sleep every night without my help.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My daughters are 7 and soon to be 5 yrs old.

    They both co-slept from birth.

    They started sleeping in their own beds when the eldest started school. They had no problems sleeping in their own room in their own beds. By around 2am every night they'd hop back in my bed. Which was fine with me, I just needed that couple of hours to sleep by myself without getting squished.

    They have now been in their own beds for 2 yrs and stay in bed all night, excepting nightmares or illness (they still co-sleep if sick so I can keep an eye on them during the night).

    Both girls are happy and independant neither suffered from being clingy at all. Both just like the comfort and security of sleeping in bed with Mummy and Daddy, and to tell the truth we also like knowing they are comfy and safe with us.

    Source(s): Mother of two with another bun currently in the oven!!!
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  • 1 decade ago

    I did both. Until my two kids (son 2 1/2 daughter 14 months) were each 2-3 months old i co-slept... basically with them in a bassinet next to my bed. at 2-3 months i stuck them in their cribs and the first few nights i let them both cry it out. (i didn't turn my moniter on for about 3 days) Now i can put both my kids in bed with out bottles and they will independently fall asleep.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There is a good summary of cry-it-out research here:

    http://www.talaris.org/pdf/research/CIOPoster.pdf

    I find that 99.99% of the "oh, my cousin's step-aunt's kid slept with mom until he was six and he's a real whingy brat" doesn't tell the whole story -- usually, he is clingy because the purported co-sleeping parents kept trying to do the cry-it-out thing and trying to force him out too early and too cruelly, and that just made him more needy...

    I am the oldest (by a fair bit) of four and one of the things that made having a kid appealing was that my younger siblings were basically charming little kids. Definitely happy and independent; that's a good sum-up.

    And my parents slept with us when we were wee, and slowly transitioned us from bed to crib in parents' room to crib in our own rooms without hassle, and we were never ever left to cry alone...

    Not co-sleeping looks like it makes parenting unnecessarily difficult. It is not too hard to see how having to get up and walk to tend to a screaming child would lead to "Oh, we HAD to c-i-o..." But if you sleep with your baby, you gently wake when she wakes with no fuss or cry, nurse her back to sleep, and knock back off yourself.

    Our daughter is pretty coddled, and we were basically her mattress when she was a newborn. She's 4.5mths old now, obviously too young for me to draw any conclusions, but she is a happy and outgoing baby who doesn't fear much -- she doesn't freak out if she's jostled accidentally, still smiles at strangers, etcetera.

    I had a really rough night last night and an unusually large amount of things to do today, so she spent an unusual amount of time on play mats and in bouncers. She complained not at all...

    I usually cuddle or "wear" her to sleep (she is napping on me in a sling as I type this), but she's often quite capable of going to sleep by herself.

    When I'm an old lady about to die, no way in hell am I going to be thinking "That sucked, all those cuddles I had when my daughter was so small." I really don't know how the anti-cuddle crowd does it. It definitely looks like it makes life unneccessarily hard for the _parents_; I mean, it's just plain nice cuddling your baby.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why are these the only 2 choices? I co-slept with my daughter (now 4 months) from birth to 3 months. It was easier for me to nurse frequently at night with her close to me, and I loved the time bonding with her.

    At about 2 months, I noticed she was becoming dependent on me in order to fall asleep and worried that this might lead to heart break for both of us later. Then she hit her 3 month growth spurt and was so exhausted that she could sleep for hours anywhere, so I took the opportunity to get her used to sleeping in her crib.

    As a newborn, she needed help falling asleep. The 'Happiest Baby on the Block' routine (Swaddle, hold tummmy to tummy, gently jiggle/rock, Shush, and give a Nuk to suck) always got her to sleep, but she would begin to wake and protest if I laid down with her.

    She learned to accept laying down with mommy when I modified the Happiest Baby while lying down together.

    She also learned to accept her crib as I modified the Happiest Baby technique with her laying on her back in the crib - still swaddled, chest to chest (my leaning over her), gently jiggled, shushed, and sucking on a Nuk.

    There was never any crying it out! : D

    I wish you the best with your transition from co-sleeping.

    Once they make the transition to being comfy alone in the crib, you can still co-sleep whenever you want to - they just aren't *dependent* on it.

    Source(s): My 4 month old daughter.
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  • daa
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    We co-slept full-time until my daughter moved into her own room, on her own, at age 4. I NEVER let her "cry it out". She was nursed, rocked, or otherwise soothed to sleep until she no longer needed it. She'll be 6 at the end of this month, sleeps in her own room, goes to bed without a fuss, and falls asleep easily on her own. No 'sleep training' required. Oh, she's also very happy, secure and independent.

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