If people ask you if your 12 year old step son is gay, tell them HE'S 12 YRS OLD AND ITS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. He's 12. I read other people's answers, just to see if theyre being too hard on you. I'd say about 90% of the responses are right on the money. You need to remember that you're in the LGBT section. We ALL grew up gay/bi/trans
and we know ALL the signs. The thing is, your step son may just be really femme, maybe he's not gay...a lot of the information you gave is a lot of stereotypical crap that most homophobes(and NO i'm not calling you a homophobe!) think makes a guy gay...the color pink, walking funny/different, earring, platform shoes,crying(c'mon, crying?)...we all tend to collectively roll our eyes when we hear this stuff. Your stepson sounds fine to me. Being a teen sucks, no matter what, but here's what I think you and your husband should do...1) see a therapist, just the two of you, to deal with your issues around your stepson, and 2)go to PFLAG, where you will likely meet other parents going through the same stuff you are...it's like group therapy.
I hope this helps, I mean well and am not trying to slam you, at least you are loving and supportive and asking questions and doing the very best you can, no one ever said parenting was easy, huh?!!! But I really do wish you well, just don't be afraid to tell the adults to butt out. I was a little bit like your son, not as femme, but I hated sports and liked to read. I hated boys my own age and hung out with girls. My parents sensed I was having a tough time, but didnt know how to help me, they didnt ask the stuff your asking(good for you!), and what they didnt know was that I had thoughts of suicide and I was already acting out, smoking, crashed my parent's car at 15(totalled it!), drinking alcoholically, driving in blackouts, etc. It just got worse for me. I'm great now, but I had a tough road, I hope you can be of assistance to your stepson...he's luckier than most! Good luck.