A Marine And The President?

A Marine was on his way home from the pentagon and was stuck in traffic that he thought was worse than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among the stalled cars, he asked, "Officer, whats the holdup?"

The policeman says, "The President is so depressed about being impeached that he has stopped his motorcade and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says he's betrayed his country, his family hates him, and he doesn't have the $33 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh, really?" the marine says. "How much have you collected so far?"

"Only 25 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning!"

19 Answers

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  • Favorite Answer

    woooooooossssssh.lol

  • 1 decade ago

    Very good..one good joke deserves another......

    A captain orders one of his soldiers to disguise himself as a tree and then sneak into the enemy camp to try to get some information. So the soldier dutifully takes off to do what is asked of him..

    About an hour later, the soldier comes screaming back to his camp. The captain asks him why he's back so soon.

    The soldier tells him., "Look, I did what you told me! I got a bunch of twigs, disguised myself as a tree and was able to position myself right next to the main tent!"

    The captain asks, "Well, what the hell are you doing back here? Didn't you get any information?"

    The soldier replies, "Look, it wasn't so bad when that woodpecker started pecking at my head. I could even take it when some of the their soldiers came over to pee on me! But when those two squirrels crawled up my leg and one said to the other, 'Hey, let's eat one now and we'll store the other for winter....'"

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

    "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

    Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

    "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

    "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

    And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

    After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.

    "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

    So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." and he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

  • 1 decade ago

    good joke i love soldier jokes like that cuz iam in the Army.

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  • Lol. Good Joke- did you make it up yourself?

  • 1 decade ago

    puts a whole new slant on the burning bush story eh?

  • 1 decade ago

    ha ha ha funny

    thanks for a laugh

    10/10

  • Panos
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    hahaha what an understanding lot of people lol

  • 1 decade ago

    Ouch! Good one! lol.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Excellent!!! xD xD xD

    Have a star for this!!! xD *

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