小翰 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

幫我改 二十點喔

我下禮拜要考托福作文IBT

我先練習幾個

這是我自己寫的

幫我改完順便給我意見吧

我自己覺得我的structure不夠活

寫的時候就有限制

可以順便給我ㄧ些像有用的單字或STRUCTURE形式嗎

順便幫我從打一篇可以滿分但是一樣題目

還有幫我說說我缺點在哪還有我大概幾分

我老師說我大概滿分30 RANGE 是 20-25 我出國一年而已

英文這樣算可以嗎?

知道問題很多所以二十點

題目如下

tv shows influence the behavior of children

:

It is ongoing that more children's behavior are related to the shows on TV. Those teenagers may act like their idols on the TV or learn some bad behavior from violent programming.

Albeit some of the shows are not totally neggative, neverthless, most of the programs will virtually exaggerate the reality and broadcast violent scene due to the audience rating.

Nowadays, children are fond of watching TV, therefore in order to attract more audiences. The program producers will attempt to put some bloody or fighting scene to spark their interest. Thus, if one constantly watching those types of shows. There is a greatly high possibility that he/she will pretend or imitate the characters on the programs or learn to be bully and violent in the real life.

Another major issue to influence the children is the change of personality, because of the fighting scene, extensive children might admire the fighting skills. It results to become bully and easier to ger anger. The adverse effect can not be ignored in the comtemprorary society.

As the aforementioned statements, the drawbacks to watch the particular shows are obvious. Futhermore, the affections to the children are conceivable as well. In conclusion, it is of vital importance to prohibit and ban the violent programs on the television.

Update:

對了我陷再高二

這樣英文會不會算怎樣我真的沒概念

現在在加拿大但是才出國一年

Update 2:

我現在高二

英文這樣會不會太爛

我在加拿大但是才出國一年

大部分出國一年英文是不是應該比這樣好??

我真的沒概念

拜託Answer me

Update 3:

我覺得下面第一篇 感覺有點差不多耶= =

Update 4:

有人能回答我問ㄉ問題嗎

還有給我些意見

Update 5:

我沒有要炫耀阿

我真的覺得英文不好跟國外小朋友比

像我上面錯很多我後來有發現

我才高二耶

哪新機那麼重

4 Answers

Rating
  • Ben
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    TV shows influence the behavior of children

    It is a trend that more and more children's behavior is related to the shows on TV. Those teenagers may act like their idols on the TV or learn some bad behavior from violent programs.

    Although some of the shows are not totally negative, neverthless, most of the programs will virtually exaggerate the reality and broadcast violent scenes due to the audience ratings.

    Nowadays, children are fond of watching TV. In order to attract more audience, program producers will attempt to put some bloody or fighting scenes to spark the interest of audience. Thus, if one constantly watch those types of shows, there is a high possibility that he/she will pretend or imitate the characters on the programs or learn to be bully and violent in the real life.

    Another major issue to influence the children is the change of personality, because of the cruel scenes, children might admire the fighting skills. They become bully and easier to ger anger. The adverse effect can not be ignored in the modern society because when they grow up, they will become more violent and ferocious.

    In my opinion, the drawbacks to watch the particular shows are obvious. Futhermore, the affections to the children are conceivable as well. In conclusion, it is of vital importance to prohibit and ban the violent programs on the television.

    Suggestion: Maybe you can talk about how to settle down this problem.

    Source(s): myself
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ?

  • 1 decade ago

    do u really have no idea about what your English writing level is? or do u merely wanna show off that you've got good English writing skills than others? In my opinion, Ben's writing was different from yours.

  • Ashley
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Ben 超厲害的!

    改的很好!!

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