My 12 year old daughter prefers to dress modestly and her dad and step-mom are always cutting her down...?

My daughter does not like to wear form fitting clothes at all because she is just very self-conscious about her developing body. Even at home with us she is very covered up and her clothes are a bit on the baggy side. I have encouraged her to wear "dressier" outfits but she simply doesn't want to and... show more My daughter does not like to wear form fitting clothes at all because she is just very self-conscious about her developing body. Even at home with us she is very covered up and her clothes are a bit on the baggy side. I have encouraged her to wear "dressier" outfits but she simply doesn't want to and i don't see the point in constantly nagging her if she's just flat-out uncomfortable. She does dress appropriately for church and she likes to look nice for family/holiday gatherings and it's not as if she's dressing like a thug or looking dirty. She just prefers wearing loose-fitting jeans and t-shirts and she mostly accessorizes with fun earrings, bracelettes and necklaces. But the last time my daughter stayed with her dad she came back very depressed and now that she's due to spend another weekend with them she has asked me to make an excuse for her so that she doesn't have to go.
I've taught my daughter to respect her step-mom even if she's being difficult but sometimes it seems like
Update: she's being put-down. This was going on even when by daughetr was 6 or 7 yrs old --not so much about the clothes but just her looks in general and even her weight! My daughter has never been over-weight but she is quite tall for her age and her step-mom is very, very petite. In the past when I have tried to... show more she's being put-down. This was going on even when by daughetr was 6 or 7 yrs old --not so much about the clothes but just her looks in general and even her weight! My daughter has never been over-weight but she is quite tall for her age and her step-mom is very, very petite. In the past when I have tried to address these issues with my ex his response is basically that our daughter exaggerates or even lies and he never tries to defend his own child. But I don't believe that my daughter is lying about how she is being treated if she is visibly depressed when she comes home from there. I don't think it's appropriate for her to be talking back to her dad and step-mom, but is there a way she can defend herself when they're trying to deminish her self-esteem?
Update 2: Just an FYI: my daughter does like boys and has posters of the guy celebs she thinks are cute. It really wouldn't bother me either way if she was gay, although now that it has been mentioned by a few answerers it has ocurred to me that maybe that is what the real concern that her dad and his wife are... show more Just an FYI: my daughter does like boys and has posters of the guy celebs she thinks are cute. It really wouldn't bother me either way if she was gay, although now that it has been mentioned by a few answerers it has ocurred to me that maybe that is what the real concern that her dad and his wife are having.
But, like I said, they've managed to cut her down for other things as well and I know for a fact that the step-mom has been resentful of my daughter even from the time they were dating.
28 answers 28