Lv 6
KitKat asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

Co-dependent vs. normal protectiveness?

I am seeing a counselor for the first time tomorrow, but have been doing some reading on my own. I'm afraid that I have a co-dependency problem based on my reading. I wonder though, how one draws the line between being truly co-dependent and wanting to protect those you love. For instance, I am in a situation right now where a lot of people are going to be affected. I want to protect them all, but is that becasuse I'm co-dependent or just a normal instinct to protect those I love? I'm going to mention this to the counselor tomorrow, I just wanted some other opinions as well. No smart-*** answers either, please.


JMH, I thank you for your honesty. I'm not putting 100% faith in the answers I get here, I just thougth I'd throw the question out there.

I want to control things, but not to the point that I'm telling people not to leave the house or anything like that. I want to know exactly what is going on at all times so that if something doesn't go my way, I can fix it. I always find myself surrounded by people with "issues" and I do my best to "fix" them.

I know it will take several sessions before my counselor can put a finger on this, and I am looking forward to getting rid of these feelings.

3 Answers

  • JMH
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer


    While your interest in and concern about this are legitimate, your question cannot possibly be answered reliably and accurately in this forum. Co-dependency is a highly nuanced condition requiring several sessions with a competent therapist who examines your personal developmental history in some detail. As your own reading on the subject suggests, there is no simple way to tell if you are or are not co-dependent based on a description of yourself in an isolated situation.

    I am afraid that anything you get here will be wild and probably unhelpful speculation that will only feed your anxiety. There's no harm, of course, in throwing the question out there. Just don't put a whole lot of energy into trying to extrapolate information you get in a response to your own circumstances. The additional uncertainty and anxiety is not worth the effort.

    I wish you well.


    Dolphyns...Understood. I did not mean to be dismissive of your concern or of the competence of respondents in this forum. I appreciate your feedback. I hope you find the relief from this anxiety. I fully appreciate the difficulties it presents.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it depends on the extent to which you seek to control the actions and movements of those around you. If you are won't let them leave the house, you are going too far. If you are calling them on the cellphone all the time to find out where they are, your not letting them leave the house on their own. You have to allow people to have freedom and you can't let your fears attempt to control them to the point that they get the feeling that you do not trust them. Let's face it, your attempts to protect them will not save them, it will just assure that you go with them. In the meantime you will give them the feeling that you are strangling them. I don't know if that helps, but it is the best I can do off the cuff. Good luck tomorrow!

  • Truely respect ur concern for others but some we cannot help .it will eventually drag us down n u seem to be a caring person...My sister has became addicted to crack ,oh i have tryed to help so much .she has robbed me of 100 dollars took 60 from my child her own kids, my parents..............Enough is enough .I have cancer n she stole my pain meds....I cld not get em refilled because i didnt turn her in...... I suffered i draw the line if i dont stop her by cutting her out of my life she is gonna die.........So i made a descion to do so , told her not to buzz my phone or grace my doorsteps unless she wants me to take her to a program for a yr long then a halfway house to help her get on track..oh I pray 4 her all the time but what else can I do let her rob n kill my parents next?think on this please ...I wish u the best write me if u want I am a psychologist for real n I do care

    Source(s): me
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