hOW COME SOME PARENTS DONT TELL THEIR CHILDREN THERE ADOPTED?

well i just found out from my friends parents that she is adopted but they told me not to tell her she doesnt no....how come some parents hide this from there adopted kids?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    because how would u like it if your mom walked in the room right now and told u that u were adopted--its exactly the same thing. its kinda hard to just straight up let ur kids know there adopted..

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The reasons vary. Well, sometimes it is for practical reasons or out of concern that this knowledge could traumatize the child. There are a whole lot of problems that could be avoided if they don't know. For instance, kids who know they are adopted may develop complexes or bring teasing on themselves by telling others.

    Some parents may have the attitude of, "What is the point of adopting if you cannot treat them just like a kid you gave birth to?"

    Some probably keep wanting to wait for a better time, and like another answerer said already, that better time may not come.

    Fear is another possibility as others have already mentioned.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Because they don't feel they are ready to handle the truth?

    It depends on the adopted kids maturity/emotional level, if they know they can handle it, they tell them the truth and stuff.

    My best friend is adopted, and she's known that since about kinder.

    It's probably best to tell them at a young age, unless the parent knows for sure they will not be able to handle it.

    Also, sometimes parents want to wait a little older like maybe 12 years old so that they know who and when to tell someone they are adopted.

    My friend told some people that and they made fun of her, it was bad. :[

    Source(s): Me
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  • 1 decade ago

    My aunt was adopted and when she was 12 her (adoptive) sister and her had a fight and she said "oh well, your adopted any way"! Her parents told her they didn't want to hurt her, or her to hate them and figured she would understand if she was older. She tracked down her real mom (my grandma), met her, and didn't like her. She is still very close to her adoptive family.

    I wish the best for ur friend.:)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A good friend of mine was adopted. And he never found out until he turned 18. And sad but true, alot of kids who find out at an early age will rebel and resent their adopted parent. Now that he's older, he really appreciated his adopted Mother waiting to tell him. I mean its not intentional resentment, its out of hurt and feeling of abandonment. That is a hard situation. But if it was me, I think I would wait.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It is all about the word "fear'...........the fear of parents to eb rejected by the child,,the fear of the child to lose her identity...Parents should start it from chidhood and tell the truth because in the end , truth prevails anyway...revealing the truth is their fear of losing the child's trust, love, respect once she elarns she is adopted, and the child losing the opportunity of the truth will send her to hell once she discovers it............so it should be talked about ...kind words and subtle manner will solve it all..but it will take awhile until the child learns to accept the fact.......cheer up your friend, tell her she is not alone, ok????

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  • 1 decade ago

    That is awful. I would definatley tell my kids. Maybe because they don't want to hurt them, so they dont run off looking for their parents, or questioning about their real mother and father, and so they wont use that as a defense like, (you cant tell me what to do, your not my real mom) ? That is what I think.

    haha we have the same name =)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    isn't that annoying? my brother's adopted and my mom and dad wanted to keep it a secret until they were like on their death bed. lol. anyway, we found out a long time ago though. i feel bad for your friend =(

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  • you poor thing, now you share the burden. My niece who is 18 now only found out last year she was adopted, everyone else knew and she was absolutely devastated. I was at her mother to tell her from about the age of 5 but she just kept waiting until the 'right time' which never came. She accidentally found her birth certificate which is how she found out. Please tell your friends parents to please please please just tell her....

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  • 1 decade ago

    SOME parents feel that they wont have as much bonding with the child if they tell them at a young age. if they wait they might have a chance that the child might not take it as harsh since she might have become attached to do already and matured... however, it is harsh regarless at wat age to find that kind of news out

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