Hi--I am sorry for your loss. I have tried to committ suicide many times. I have depression & social anxiety. Right b4 I did it, I was thinking about how happy I would be. I was thinking about how I wouldn't have anxiety anymore. I was also thinking about if it was going to work, and how my familys reaction would be. Yes, I thought of loved ones a lot. I told myself though that I don't have to worry about them b/c they influenced me alot unfortunately. They pushed me over the edge. I was worried, leaving my best friend behind...my dog, but kept reassuring myself that everything will be ok once in heaven & that God will take care of everything. Yes, my mind was rational at the time. I wanted to end life. If I went more into challenging my thoughts (now) I guess It is long term results for short term problems. So I don't know if that is rational that came to me back then or not. I usually make the atempts when I go to bed, atleast when my parents think I do. I have written notes a few times, but If I were to do it today, I wouldn't b/c I would feel bad for my family and I couldn't put it all down on paper. I still think about it to this day, sadly. I would also think If I would be missed & what my family's reactions were going to be like. I would worry that my papa would have a heart attack or something bad would happen, so I stopped.
Depression & anxiety sufferer and mom is a sober alcoholic. She hasn't been sober for that long though--so that contributed a lot to Depresiion & Anxiety.