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can you all read this short story and give me constructive criticism?

I am starting out trying to write and would like to get some constructive criticism for my writing. Please tell if the story flows and if i go on tangents and anything else that you think might help me. This is my first attempt at writing so please don't be too harsh. I put it up on my server because it was too long to put here

http://www.jakesdevserver.net/writing/index.html

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sure. It is easily understood and flows well.

    Were you looking for some proofreading/editing help with it as well? There are some mechanical errors that need some work.

  • 1 decade ago

    Very interesting story, and I very much like the ending, but it is obvious that this is your first time. I won't be harsh, because you did a good job for your first time. I would recommend that if this is what you want to do, you take a writing class, most schools have adult ed classes at night, and I am sure with your natural talent, you would excel.

    Keep writing, you are not bad now, and you can only get better.

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