terry y asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

Can a Person with Borderline Personality Disorder love someone to the fullest?

My girlfriend has BPD. She seems like she falls in and out of love with me. I mean the normal love hate kinda thing. Is it worth my effort. When she's not hating me, she's wants to marry me. But can they truely fall all the way in love? I love her and now that I know her disorder it makes her more special to me.

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  • Bill
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The very simplest answer I can give you is yes.

  • Kris L
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    No, a person with Borderline Personality Disorder can NOT love someone to the fullest ALL the time ... but neither can a normal person. I think that you have already answered your own question ... you love HER and how that you know her problem it makes her more special to YOU. BPD is a very 'odd' mental health problem, and without having access to your girlfriend's 'records' I can't give you a 'good diagnosis' ... but assuming that she gets good care, her life should be 'fairly normal' ... so the real question isn't can SHE love you to the fullest, but DO YOU LOVE HER TO THE FULLEST? As for 'truly fall all the way in love' ... that is just the 'beginnings' of loving someone ... and I doubt that a person with BPD can do that ... but they can truly love a person, especially a person who loves them and sticks by them even though they have this problem ... so my big question to you is one directing you to take a good look at yourself ... your girlfriend may have some very BAD times ahead, as well as some very GOOD times ... and if you can say that you will love her and be with her during the BAD times, then the good ones you'll be there too. I've known quite a few people with BPD ... some can marry and live a good life with their partner, and others are only 'self-centered' and can't ... but the ones who do marry are the ones who are not as 'self-centered' and who don't 'act out' as much because they KNOW their partner loves them no matter what. It's really UP TO YOU what you will do ... but if you do decide to marry your girlfriend, then you are in for the 'ride of a lifetime' ... because you LOVE HER and she LOVES YOU, and not because she has a 'disorder.'

    Source(s): I'm a psychologist, now retired. I've been told I have BPD ... I don't, but I do have PTSD. My husband and I are very close, extremely happy, and are together forever and beyond. I raised four kids who are all grown, happy, successful, and now having kids of their own and raising them the same way I raised my kids ... so I guess that shows that 'sick people' may be just 'different' and actually FINE in the end.
  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, I think she can. I have BPD and the biggest fear I have is that if I start to really love someone that they will fall out of love with me. I have a lot of abandonment issues from childhood that have never been eased so I fear being abandoned by the person who I have chosen to be in love with. It is scary for anyone to put their heart on the line but especially for someone who has BPD. When she says she doesn't love you anymore there is an underlying issue that she is afraid of addressing. It may mean that she needs time to sort out her feelings. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care anymore. It is during these times that I push people away to protect my own heart that I need them the most. For a better explanation read the Book I hate you but don't leave me. We all lash out at those we love but this too is especially true for Borderlines. I would be very curious to know if her BPD disorder originated from being abused as a child. Mine did. Best of luck and remember love conquers all. Never doubt for one minute that any human life is worth it. We all are.

  • DrB
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    If the diagnosis is correct, a characteristic of BPD is sudden shifts from strong idealization (loving too much to the fullest) to total alienation when disappointed or feel injured even without visible cause. There are degrees of this, but relationships often end with the negative phase which can be close to unending hatred and distrust. BPD is not easily treated and may well represent a life long pattern..

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  • 6 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.

    RE:

    Can a Person with Borderline Personality Disorder love someone to the fullest?

    My girlfriend has BPD. She seems like she falls in and out of love with me. I mean the normal love hate kinda thing. Is it worth my effort. When she's not hating me, she's wants to marry me. But can they truely fall all the way in love? I love her and now that I know her disorder it...

    Source(s): person borderline personality disorder love fullest: https://bitly.im/JkG15
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    7 years ago

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I have BPD and I myself am not sure if I can ever love anyone to the fullest. I don't really even know what that means. I am married and have a four year old child. It is an awful feeling to wonder if I even 'love' these people in my life. You should really research and be a part of your girlfriend's therapy if you truly love HER....so you will be able to fully understand the capacity of this disorder. It IS life long. Treatment is only successful as long as it is on going and done correctly. That is the definition of a 'Personality' disorder. It is who the person has formed into due to personal experiences, circumstances and situations...most of which occur early on in childhood (speaking from experience). Not to scare you off from being with her...I am soooo thankful that my husband supports and loves me dispite my disorder, but you must know the reality of the disorder. It DOES'NT go away. A 'Personality' is extremely hard to change, despite professional therapy. The ways she copes with life are due to survival techniques she learned early on. Her psychique developed this way, in order to survive. You truly must know the difficulty that you will have in the future if you continue this relationship....advice from my husband. It will be difficult, but if you are willing to learn all you can, and LOVE all you can. You may be able to have a very meaningful life together. Good luck to you! God bless!

  • 1 decade ago

    I am also dealing with my feelings for someone with BPD. Sometimes their needs and emotions and potential consume you. What i have to say is this. . perhaps is is better to ask yourself some questions such as; Do you love her or do you love her disorder? Is the love hate thing and the impulsivity what makes it exciting? If so how healthy is that for you ?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    well your just going to have to find out.

    is she hot?

  • Friend
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You seem very abusive to me so it is easy to use this kind of label on her and even maybe make her believe this about herself, I don't think she would be safe with you not at all I would worry about what you might try to do to her or put her through, then you would use this as an excuse to make it look as if it were all her fault and you did nothing wrong to her

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