Please help me I need some answers.?
I met J. the first day of the college semester and we became instant friends. We found out that we are alot alike, with the exception of a few things. We hang out almost every day and the days we don't hang out, we talk on the phone.
One day in another class a mutual friend of ours. H., told me that J. told her that he liked me and wanted to date me. H. had then asked me if I liked J. and I told her that I did.
A week later while hanging out with J. my friend C. had called me and asked what I was up to. I told C. that I was hanging out with J. and he said he would leave me to my date. J. saw this and asked me if I thought that was a date. I told him that I didn't. He then asked if I wanted it to be a date and I told him I didn't care. He then asked me if I liked him and I said that I did. He then told me how two of his friends, who I have met and got along with, kept bugging him to ask me out but he was too indecisive. He then got up and sat really close to me. We flirted off
and on for the rest of the night. That's all that happened that night, but a few weeks later, while taking his 10 month old son for a walk, he made the comment that we were so much alike that it would be like dating himself, but he said it in more of a joking way.
Then a week and a half later we were hanging out with some other friends of ours, one had made a comment that I was good with my hands (not in the perverted sense but in the general sense, I had picked up a penny with out using my thumb or with out sliding it to the edge of the table) another friend took it as a perverted comment and told J. that he made a good choice.
Then a few more days later another friend asked us how long we have been dating and we both replied that we were just friends. Our friend had then told us that everyone we knew thought we were a dating and thought we made a cute couple.
Then the next week J. asked me if I liked him again and once again I said yes. He didn’t say anything but kept mimicking everything I did. Then a few days later he asked me if I had ever had a boyfriend and when I told him I hadn’t he didn’t say anything else about it.
He has a 10 month old son that I have met and instantly fell in love with. J. is 20 and is a very good father and when we hang out while he has his son, all of his attention is towards him.
His current relationship with his son’s mother is forcibly polite. They are civil towards each other, but there is no chance of them getting back together. J. won’t talk bad about her in front of me because I have only met her once and he doesn’t want to cloud my judgment of her. I have met her mother twice and heard from J.’s friends that both of them are ‘witches’ and control freaks. Her mother was really rude when I met her. I always try to be polite and I greeted her with a friendly ‘hello’ and she pretty much
looked at me like I was the scum of the earth. From what J. has said about her (his ex.), she is pretty much a hermit crab. She doesn’t like to be social and rarely leaves her house. From the way he makes it sound I think he broke things off with her. We don’t talk about her much because he feels awkward talking about her and I’ve told him it was none of my business.
When we hang out there is some flirting that is thrown around but nothing serious. And when I go to hang out with him and his friends, when his friends leave and I ask if I should too, he says no and that I should stay a while longer. I’ve met most of his family and I get along with all of them, I’ve even helped his mom once while he was at work. Some of his friends have even made a comment about how I got him to clean his room (I helped him clean it) and keep it cleaned and one of his female friends was shocked when I had mentioned we had been at the mall earlier one day, because she says they have never been a
been able to get him near a mall before.
My question is, Does he like me enough to date me or is it just a really close friendship? And if he does like me, why hasn’t he asked me out yet? Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your help.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Single dad domain.
To explain, I'll dissect what you have written and draw you that conclusion :)
Right. There is obviously the attraction there. He felt it, otherwise he wouldn't take the'is this a date' question so seriously. The joke he made about dating himself shows that he sees that you have so much in common and it is clear that he is happy with you.
His friends are acting rather giggly and strange around this shows that they realize there is something worthwhile between you two.
Now giving him information that you like him gives him a slight leverage. From what I can tell the reason why he is constantly asking is for reassurance IS BECAUSE HE IS A SINGLE DAD. He comes in the 2 for 1 package. He realizes that even though he cares about you, he has to devote some of his time to his child and he doesn't know how well you will handle it. He also realizes that this times 'single' is different to the 'single' he was back in the childless days, he is playing a new league so he is feeling his way through.
the CHILD'S MOTHER IS OFF LIMITS. For the time being, you are trying to make this relationship work, stay off the EX files. You need to sort out the relationship between you two first and then worry about the bits and pieces. Since you say that their relationship is civil, leave it for the time being.
You have met the family. He has established you in his life.
To answer your question:
He does like you, a lot. He a man that needs reassurance because he is a dad right now. Because he is feeling his way around this dating scene, give him time. The attraction is there, but it is a slow burning one. From what I can tell, you cleaning his room, that is love, I think you have allowed yourself to fall for him. And you are not wrong. You have already reached the close friendship area. You are becoming more like family. At the moment, whether he denies it or not you ARE in a relationship, but you just dont classify it as dating, he is denying because he feels that he isnt ready.
He likes you. NO CRAP about it. He hasn't asked you out because he want to see where this heads. Taking things slow. The last time he made a move too fast, he ended up with a broken marriage and a kid, he wants to know whether if this is sure thing or not.
At the moment the most important thing is that you are communicating. Don't loose that.
Stay as friends for a while longer. He may come around. If not move on.
However. I need to make it clear that if you choose to stay friends and NOT try to get a clear answer from him personally you may be let down in the future. He may never be the man you want him to be. You need to assess what you want.
GOOD LUCK :)
- 1 decade ago
ok first of all the part of figuring out whether its a relationship or a friendship is up to u from the time you've known each other u got to decide if u are not sure be straight foward ask him after all he had the guts to tell u he had a son and show u his ex
now maybe he has'nt asked u out yet is because he is probably shy anyway what i am trying to say is if u want to take this along well for godsake have an open relationship talk with one and another build trust yourselves i am sure it will work out
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Don't just believe everything you hear about this guy! You met he less then 10months ago. You are definitely into each other. He must have gotten hurt in his ex relationship and that explains why he does not want to rush into things. If he eventually does ask you out I suggest you either ask him staright out about what happened with his ex or forget about it and never as k him about it, it you are curious it is better to ask him before things get more intimate. Also remember if you do get involved with this guy there will always be issues between you and his babies family and that he will alwayas have a bond with his babies mother, no matter how much bad things he says about her.
Take things slower, start to show interest in other guys that is the soonest you'll see if this guy is interested as more then a friend!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i think it really depends on what kind of guy J. is. If he's the flirtatious kind of guy, then it's probably just a close friend relationship. if he DOESN'T normally flirt, then i guess he probably likes you. But even if he does like you, he might be the shy kind and doesn't ask out until he finds the "right" time.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think this is something that you should decide on your own. I've had/have many guys as friends, and it worked out fine if he/I dated another. Just go with your feelings and also ask J where he think you and him are going.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i say both from what i read...spend more time with him see if anything gives hints if there is nothing...you know he's just a friend...
- 1 decade ago
stay Friends ,,its much batter