Another woman is pregnant with my husbands baby.?

I have been married for 1.5 years and I have been with this man for 5 years.We do not have any children together but he has accepted my 3 children as his own and they love him so much.He is the only father figure they have had in their lives.He was recently away for training for 4 months for a job and while he was gone he got another woman pregnant.I am so hurt!He just told me this 3 days ago.He was supposed to go to training for this job to make a better life for us.This is far from better.I have tried talking to him about this and he says he needs time to think about his life and he knows he screwed up.What about my life and my kids lives?We were here first...when he had no one and nothing.This would be his first child,something I couldnt give him.But it is not just my life affected but my kids lives are too.l dont know if I could handle staying and dealing with this other child and the mother being involved in my life.I know the baby will not be at fault.What should I do?IM so lost!

27 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Leave him hon. God only knows if this is the first time he's cheated on you, or if it's the last. You don't want a cheating man being the role model for your children. If they truly come first, then just end it. It's what's best for you and your kids.

    I'm really sorry you've got to go through this :(

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My husband and I have been married almost 3 years and have been together for 6 years, during the course of our relationship and marriage I had 3 kids with another man, my husband knew about this and has accepted all of my children as his own and they only know him as daddy and he loves them more than anything else in the world. We have yet to have any children together but we're trying to have one of our own. I look at it as yes your husband should have never strayed and ended up getting another girl pregnant, but the baby is going to be born regardless. First things first, once the baby is born he needs to make sure it is his baby. Just because he thinks it is, and she says it is doesn't mean it's a true fact. I know that you are having trouble accepting the baby and the mother of the baby but you should try to give some rope to the situation.... since your husband accepted 3 kids that you have by another man (even though they are from a previous relationship) when he didn't have to, if you intend on staying with your husband and forgiving him for his cheating and the product of cheating then you should return the favor and try to accept the baby into your lives providing that a dna test says that it really is his baby. If you do not intend on staying with your husband, then you have no worries about being involved with the mother or the baby.

  • 1 decade ago

    I feel for you I really do. The next few months even years are going to be trying on all involved. Did the other woman know about you? Or is he being married a surprise to her? having the 3 kids I know its going to be hard on them, but right now you have to think of yourself Are you going to be able to move past this? Will you be able to regain the trust that has been lost? Will you ever be truely happy with him again? If you decided to stay together will you ever be able to look at this child and not feel the hurt you feel now? Will you be able to build a relationship with the child? Being able to move on can be done I've seen it done, but to have a child with another woman that will be a daily reminder and I don't know how anyone could do it (It would take someone strong). What your husband has done is disguisting and horrible.. He took the trust you gave him and spat on it and you. Him telling you HE needs time to think of HIS life is just horrible HE should be on the ground begging for your forgiveness that is what bothers me the most about this. Its like he is trying to decide between which family he wants. Don't let him have that choice take it away from him its obvious he is a bad decision maker anyway. You need to sit him down and say listen Time (the 4 months he was gone) and thinking (cause obviously he can't do that) is what got us ALL in this mess and you need to listen to how I feel and What YOU"VE done to THIS family. You also need to ask him straight up if he is willing to move on with you or not and if he hesitates go out the door. But you need to decide are you willing to make it work first off if you have doubt just move on and move out (easier said then done I know).

    With whatever you decide I hope it works out for you. Your husband is scum any man that would destroy his family for a few rolls in the hay is not worth any womens time in my opion anyway, but sadly it happens all the time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    im so sorry you have to go thru this. i know he has been the father figure for them for 5 years, but its his life and he can do as he pleases. the only thing you can do is trust him to make the right decision. if he loves you, he will stay with you, and do what is necessary to stay in His baby's life, as well as your children's; while avoiding the other mother as much as possible... if u are not a jealous person, this could work. i know he made the biggest mistake he could, but he will have to be judged by God for what he did. You should try to make the best of this situation, try your hardest to forgive him and move on as positive as possible. Ask the Lord to give you strength to deal with this. If you are not religous, then this sounds completely crazy, but give the Bible a chance because its FULL of answers to life! i just started reading the bible, and i feel i am already becoming a better person, im sure you will too. and u may have a better idea of how to deal with this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wow! You have to ask yourself one question? Do I love this man enough to deal with this situation? If not, leave. A lot of people will say LEAVE HIM, but that's just not an easy thing to do if you really love him. You guys have 5 yrs together and your kids see him as "dad." I'm sure he knows he made a huge mistake and his head is probably just as messed up as yours is right now. You guys need to have an MATURE conversation about what you are going to do. Now is not the time to blame and point fingers. You have a real situation on your hands so arguing isn't going to make it any better. Stick to the important facts: "We're married, You cheated, There's a baby coming, We need to find a way to deal with this" NOT "If you wouldn't have cheated..."or "I can't believe you did this!" As hard as it sounds, try to be as civil as possible...good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry sweetheart, I can only imagine how bad this hurts.

    I've been in a similar situation so let me share with you what happened and what I did and what you can do.

    I was in love with a man, we weren't married but close to it. He got me pregnant but cheated on me continuously throughout our relationship and eventually got another woman pregnant. I miscarried because I had O negative blood and didn't get the shot right away (because I was unaware that I was pregnant and because I have O- blood, it eats away at the baby when mixed with whatever blood his was which resulted in a miscarriage)..

    Needless to say I took it as a sign. He didn't love or respect me enough to remain faithful to me. He wanted to have a baby with me but then went out and shared that experience with some other woman. I left him and let him go be with her and let her deal with him and his fear of commitment and baggage.

    As for you, I think you need to do the same. Not only did your husband disrespect you in having sex with another woman behind your back.. he obviously did the deed without any protection (which could have caused you to be susceptible to STD's that the woman could have had) and he only told you what he did because now there's a baby on the way so there's no way to hide it.

    He doesn't care about you if he's lying, cheating and hiding things. Life with him will only cause you to be more miserable. I know it will be tough but you need to leave him, let him go on with this woman and start whatever kind of family they plan to be... you're too good to be with someone who cheats on you and doesn't stop to think about the life he has with you and your kids.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your right its not the babys fault. In a way the baby is going to be in your lifes. I think you two need to seperate for a while and talk things out and make some decisions, and you need to think about if he has done this to you before and you only know about this time, and will he do this to you again? The saying is "Once a cheater always a cheater". Good Luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    okay hun... first u need to calm down. u are a mature woman and u need to handle this like it is.

    you need to ask urself do you want a man like this around ur children? a man who cheats on his partner?

    is this the type of example u want to set to ur children?

    u also know once a cheater is always a cheater- i used to deny this but experienced that it is very true - cheaters are also liars, i highly doubt u want a liar in ur life do u? do u want a liar around ur kids?

    also, if u stay with him just because u want him to be around ur kids cuz ur kids like him etc. thats a wrong reason because ur kids wouldnt like a man that would hurt their mom.

    also if u stay with him u will constantly worry if he'll mess up again, plus ur going to have to deal w/ the other woman and having to see this child of his and possibly take care of this child later in life as well and this child will be in ur life and this woman will also be in ur life if u stay with him.

    i am sure, if a friend of urs told u this story or if ur daughter went thru this u would tell her to leave him.

    i'm not saying leave him but ask urself those questions and think about this. u will be better off without a guy who disrespects u and ur children for his own pleasure. . .

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    well, im the product of a cheating mother. I can only give you my opinion form they kids view. Hes been there for five years of your kids life. depending on their age he may be all they know. I think you should do whats best for yourslef and don't think of your kids. My mom cheated on my dad and it went down hill. All your kids have are you two. If you can't handle the situation then leave. he does love those kids so he will be there for them. he told you about his new kid and he has the right to be there for that baby. i can't even begin to imagin what you are facing. LOVE can make it through anything. I don't know him so i can't really say leave him. best of luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You officially have a loser of a husband. Your kids don't need a father figure who treats you with disrespect and cheats on you. I am a single mom raising my teenage son alone with no father figure (his fathed died when he was a baby). He's 16 and has turned out fine.

    You can raise healthy children without a father figure - don't cling to marriage just to have a man in your life. This man ain't worth having!

    Plus, no man truly accepts and loves the offspring made by another man.

    You need to bail out of this mess and get your life together. Once a cheat, always a cheat. He's gonna dump on you to be with her and his new child.

    Sorry this happened but if you get out and get over him you'll do yourself a huge favor.

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