Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Husband caught me watching porn, and was upset?

Let me start by saying I love my husband very much and I would never want to hurt him. But I guess I did when he walked in on me watching porn. I've tried to get him to watch it with me before nothing crazy, but he thinks it's degrading to women?

I think everyone pleaures themselves sometimes and I see nothing wrong having a helping aid. Now he's acting distant from me, what would you do?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    hmm usually its the other way around.

  • 4 years ago

    2

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  • 4 years ago

    Me Watching Porn

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't see anything wrong with watching porn either. Often wonder how old people are when they ask questions like this. At the tender age of 67 I would sit down and watch it with you , i.e. my wife or girlfriend. We could easily find ourselves messing around and having really good orgasms because were doing something new and titillating.

    Now if he's 18, 25, or maybe even 35, his ego might still be so mixed up with sex that he believes he's not turning you on enough. As you know, us guys have serious ego problems around sex. I think, if I were you, I would write him a letter letting him know how much you love him (if you do) and what a really hot lay he is (particularly if he isn't) but that there are more keys on the piano than the white ones. If he isn't, in fact a very good lover this might be an entrée into further discussion about successful foreplay etc. this might be a good time to look up sex therapists in the phone book. Call one and get him for or her to suggest some good readable books about sex.

    Patrick

    Source(s): Many years as a mental health therapist. Many years as an Olympic class lover (well, maybe that's an exaggeration).
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow, a guy who thinks it's degrading. That's a tough one... it's possible that there's a deeper issue than him finding it degrading to women.

    Is it possible that he feels that you watching porn takes away from your intimate time together? If you have a healthy sex life outside of masturbation, then he has nothing to worry about. But if you are not currently very... active... this may be a part of the issue.

    Talk to him about it. Tell him that, while he thinks it's degrading to women, you, as a woman, do not. You like it. He doesn't have to join you with this, but he does have to respect that you have different opinions on the matter. You have a right to pleasure yourself however way you want (within the law. :) Point out that the women involved in the porn you watch CHOSE to be in it and don't feel degraded at all.

  • 5 years ago

    There are a lot of men who watch porn and it does not lead to sex addiction or infidelity as another person wrote on here. As for the porn issue - ask to watch it with him. It may end up working wonders for your marriage and bring you back to the same bedroom. You say snoring is the issue, but I snore like a bear and my wife refuses to leave our bedroom over it. We've found ways to deal with it over the years because sleeping apart is not an option, nor should it be for you. Cuddling together as you fall asleep is part of the intimacy of marriage and robbing yourself of that creates a distance in your marriage. As for the suspect behavior - if he admitted it was porn but still refused to show you, then yes there is obviously something going on. But why would you immediately suspect child porn? I would suspect he was talking to someone in a way he shouldn't be talking to them before my mind would go to child porn. The fact that your mind immediately went there tells me your marriage has far worse problems than your husband watching porn. If I were you I would think long and hard about your marriage and your commitment to it.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would try talking it out with him. Tell him you're sorry it upset him - he may feel like you were doing it "behind his back" even if that wasn't your intent.

    If you'd like him to join you in watching it, maybe you could ease him into it. It's kind of unusual for a guy to think porn is degrading to women :P At any rate, you could start with maybe a racy movie, something erotic as opposed to all out pornography and work your way up from there.

    If he still refuses, and if he's still going to be upset about YOU using/watching it, then counseling may be in order to sort it out. Not that there is anything wrong with either one of you, just for help in dealing with the situation the best way possible so no one feels hurt, etc.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is a new one. I have never met a guy who wouldn't be turned on watching porn with his wife.

    The way I see it, you have 3 options:

    1) Leave. If this is indicative of a prudish world view you don't share, maybe this marraige is wrongheaded.

    2) Accomodate him. Quit watching porn.

    3) Be honest. Tell him you like it, tell him why you like it, and tell him you would appreciate him watching with you and enhancing your sex life. If that is too much for him, explain that it is something you enjoy, it isn't hurting anyone, you are discreet, and it is exciting. Tell him that you would appreciate him not being so judgmental of your entertainment decisions.

    To be honest, number 3 is the one I like. My gut is the porn doesn't bother him as much as the masturbating does. My instincts tell me he thinks that if he was "doing his job," you wouldn't need to play with yourself. I think he just needs to hear that the porn isn't replacing him, and that you want it to be part of your relationship.

    Start slow. Watch some porn and start kissing him, then work up to sex acts while watching. My guess is that he gets into it.

  • 1 decade ago

    This guy has hidden his porn his whole life and part of the turn on is that it is his secret thing. It is more of a turn on to sneak around with it. Don't make him bring it out into the light if he doesn't feel comfortable. He may just be a little ashamed that it turns him on. I say just drop it and in time things will get back to normal.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow, this is a first. Usually women are the ones on here having problems with their husbands watching porn. I'd just keep trying to console him, and let him know that he's more than enough for you - you just were having a little private fun. LOL My husband loves "catching" me watching porn.

  • 1 decade ago

    Whoaaaa. A helping aide in pleasuring yourself? Apparently you and your husband have more problems that just the porn thingy going on and in...Hmmmm I think you either should both go see a mariage counselor as far as your intimate relations go or by all means jsut call it quits and seek satisfaction from yourself and your (fingers). Hubby isn't helping... Sex and intimate relations is vitallu important between a couple. Otherwise its just a dull humdrum way of living with the bills and the news that affect our behaviour during the course of our lives. Its either Yes or it's No.. There is no in between for any reason other than a compromise. And even then you have to really mean it or your just prolonging the events to take place at a later time.

    Source(s): Get real-----------reality is love and understanding each others faults and ambitions. without hindering or ridicule of each others way may I say happy holiday to you all. and I suggest you show your husband all the responses to your question here in Yahoo Answers. goodnight sweetheart
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