How should I treat my stepmother now that my father has passed away?
My father passed away about 2 weeks ago (Nov. 20th). He was divorced from my mother for many years and was married for almost 10 years to my stepmother.
Unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to get to know her very well because she and my father lived in another state.
I know about her but I don't really know her, I also know that she and my father were very much in love.
I don't think that I can ignore her, because after 10 years of marriage to my father, she is a member of my family.
On the other hand, doesn't "until death do you part" mean anything?
My question is should I make the effort to develop a relationship with her?
- ChristabelLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
I would suggest you open some sort of communication with her. It's the kind and thoughtful thing to do. She'll no doubt be very grateful and touched that you thought about her. After all you have much in common. You could reminisce about your dad with your happy stories about him. That's an easy ice-breaker. Plus I don't know how much family she has but she might be feeling very lonely so yes, get in touch with her. It's lovely that you're considering her grief as well as your own.
I lost my dad 6 years ago and I'm still grieving in a way. I hope you're ok. Things do get better but you just learn to live with it. I'll be thinking about you.
- 1 decade ago
Untill death do you part is a statement for married couples, meaning that marriage is a union, and it should only be untill death that you part. I think the best thing you could do for yourself is to get to know yor stepmother and develop a relationship with her. They say that sometimes death can bring people closer to each other, and in your case form relationships that never existed. A part of your father lives on in your stepmother, and obviously a big part of him still lives on in you. You could most defnitely both benifit by building a relationship, and just imagine how proud it will make your dad. Even though you dont know her that well, imagine the heartache that she is going through, and what better way to help you both deal with your loss by letting each other in. Good luck.
- 1 decade ago
Yes, you should. If you love your dad, you should learn to love the things and people that he loved and cared for. She doesn't need to be your "mom" (so to speak)... but you can be a friend to her. Just remember, she is in grief at this point in time. She would need all the love, understanding and caring she could have. And coming from you, that love would be something really big.
I know it would be a bit tough for you, but it is also the same with her. It would be easy to say, "Let's just ignore each other like strangers", and everything will go on without any friction. But what you said is right... she is a member of your family. And if they had kids of their own... THEY ARE YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
The love that the least you could give is the love of a true friend. And believe me, she would appreciate it well.
- 1 decade ago
I think you should give her a chance. 10 years only proves that she's not so bad. Otherwise, her relationship with your father wouldn't last that long. Talk to her and maybe she could contribute good things in your life. Being a little closer to her doesn't mean your disregarding your real mom. That's just having another one which is even better.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- ywroseoftxLv 51 decade ago
Yes you should develop a relationship with her. She is at a very sad place in time right now and it would be nice for her to know that someone from her husbands family cares about her, esp his child/ren. Your father loved her so there must be good in her, give her a chance, she may turn out to be a really good friend to you.
- Bethy4Lv 61 decade ago
It would be nice to now develop a relationship with her, but if you haven't established this relationship to date, won't it be kind of phony to do it now. You don't have to ignore her, and you don't have to go out of your way to overly acknowledge her now, just keep her in your thoughts, call every now and then and send a greeting card when the occasion permits. Your father was the connection but now that connection is gone, just do your best to be sociable. God Bless.
- patchesLv 41 decade ago
You should treat her with respect. She was married to your dad for a long time and she must of loved him very much. I would be nice if you could get to no her and share a nice talk about your dad. I am sure that she feels alone now and needs some comfort. Please be kind and give her a chance.
- 4 years ago
Important - do not sign anything without an attorney advising you on it. Make sure you read it as well. As a surviving child, you may have certain rights under the law to a portion of the estate (with or without a will). Speak with an attorney.
- tjnstlouismoLv 71 decade ago
Well that's up to you and to her. Apparently its not something she pushed for. I would thank her for making your dad's last years happy ones, and ask her if there is anything she is in need of. What would your father want you to do?
- Kevin MLv 41 decade ago
i think you should develope a relationship with her.