美夢 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

Pls help correct my grammar.

Hello, everyone. ( How about other opening? )

I'm going to tell you a story about : A lesson to Tom and Lynn.

( 'tell about' and 'talk about' , which one is better? )

1. Tom and Lynn had been very good kids since their childhood.

2. Tom and Lynn were sport and healthy boys.

(1 and 2 , which one is better? )

One day their father bought a computer.

They became loved to stay home,

Specially sit front the computer for long.

Tom liked seeing online movies and eating snacks.

Lynn liked playing online games and chating net friends.

Day dy day ,

Tom got fat like a pig and had no clothes wore.

Lynn got his bad sight and poor school grades.

Their father felt upset finally.

He told Tom shouldn't eat too much junk food

and Lynn shouldn't surf on the internet all day.

He would stop them using the computer,

if they still did as usual.

After all, Tom and Lynn knew their wrong,

because it's bad for health that

both spent too much time on the network.

That's all and thank everyone for listening to my speech.

( How about other ending? )

Update:

Hi, jac1792.

I have some questions.

1. Is 'like' always used in the present tense? When can be the past tense?

2. 'his clothes no longer fits him.' Why is the present tense?

And many thanks for your help.

2 Answers

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You should change the opening to maybe [ Good morning/Good afternoon/Good evening everyone].

    It sounds more formal

    Honestly, there are a lot of grammatical errors on your speech.

    I'm gonna correct it for you.

    If you don't wanna use it, is fine.

    Just trying to help out.

    Corrected Version:

    I'm going to tell you a story titled "A lesson to Tom and Lynn"

    Tom and Lynn had always been good and healthy kids since they were young.

    One day their father bought a computer.

    Ever since then, they stayed at home a lot and would spend long hours in front of the computer.

    Tom likes watching online movies while eating snacks whereas Lynn likes playing online games and chatting with his friends.

    As days goes by,

    Tom gained a lot weight and his clothes no longer fits him.

    As for Lynn, his eye sight and grades in school got worse.

    Their father was really upset with them.

    He told Tom that he shouldn't eat too much junk food

    and Lynn that he shouldn't surf the internet all day.

    He would stop them from using the computer,

    if they continue doing so.

    Tom and Lynn accepted their punishment because they knew their were wrong.

    They promised their father that they would never do it again.

    -The end-

    That's all for my speech and thank you for listening.

    Source(s): myself
  • 1 decade ago

    你好,每人。 (其他開始怎么樣?) 我將要關於湯姆和林恩的教訓告訴你一個故事。 ('告訴關於' 和'談論',哪一個更好?) 1.從他們的童年起湯姆和林恩一直是非常好的孩子。 2.湯姆和林恩是運動和健康的男孩。 (1和2,哪一個更好?) 有一天他們的父親買一台計算機。 他們變得被喜歡呆在家裡, 特別是坐長久前面計算機。 湯姆喜歡看在線的電影並且吃快餐。 林恩喜歡玩在線遊戲和聊天網友。 天dy天, 象一只豬一樣肥胖並且被沒有衣服拿到的湯姆穿。 林恩得到他的壞情景和貧窮的學校等級。 他們的父親最後感到不安。 他告訴湯姆不應該吃太多劣質食品 並且林恩整天不應該在因特網上滑水。 他將阻止他們使用計算機, 如果他們仍然象往常一樣做。 終究,湯姆和林恩知道他們錯誤, 因為這有害于健康那 兩個在網路上花費太多時間。 那全部並且感謝每人聽我的講話。 (結束的另一個怎么樣?)

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