Is this a good Monologue?

The Coroner Called; Your Dreams Are Dead.

[He talks acerbically, while over-gesturing]

I am going to be famous. No matter the cost. Look at everyone who’s ever made something for themselves. How much ya wanna bet that they had to make some selfish sacrifices along the way?

[A step louder, near yelling now]

I get it! I get it, ok!? I know I have responsibilities here! I know you want me to stay! You want me to help you. You don’t care about what happens to me, just as long as it doesn’t affect you! You want me to make money doing office work at a doctor’s office so you don’t have to work! I’m through with this crap! I’m doing something for me for once! I’m making money for myself, for my needs!

[He begins to laugh in a darkly sarcastic way as speech continues]

I got an agent last Saturday. Yup, that’s right, I have an agency! Someone who wants to help me, who believes in me and my dreams! Someone out there who wants to get me as famous as I want myself to be!

[He sits in the nearest chair by the table; head in hands; takes two or three deep, contemplative breaths. Continues, slower and calmer than before]

I... I had an audition yesterday. When you thought I went for a walk with my friends. I went to an audition. I was gone for over five hours, and you didn’t even worry if something had happened.

[He speaks now as if sadly happy with defiant resignation]

I got a callback too! They actually want me to be in the movie! Another group of people that actually supports me! I’m going back later! I’m reading for a part! I’m gonna play the son of the main character! He’s gonna be played by [Beat]... some actor I’ve never heard of, [Back on track] but I’m sure he’ll be famous enough already.... either way... It’s a good start.

[He’s completely calmed down now. Carefully explaining, still keeping his own intentions in mind]

I... I’m not leaving... I’m just starting to make money my own way... Instead of the way you want... I’m still going to support you... I’m just achieving what I want in order to earn it... I never wanted to be a doctor... You just wanted me too. I acted like I did to make you happy... and I’m sorry, but I’m done sitting in that office. I’m getting myself out there... and you can’t stop me.

Update:

This is for english class.

I tried to mention it above ^^ but then it wouldn't've fit...

Update 2:

I wrote it. It had to be long. at leat 350 words. Like i said, english class assignment

Update 3:

And thank you, I'll edit out some of the "!"'s

3 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I like it, just too many !'s that stop abruptly. try editting it, or find one that roles easier, one that's not choppy.

  • 1 decade ago

    Excellent monolouge, but you may want to limit the stage directions, your actors will feel very limited and so will the reader. Also, it might help the flow of the script if you add in a few couplets (don't make the whole thing a giant Shakespearian poem, that would be wierd.)if the script moves smoother and faster, it is easier to hook your reader into your story.

    Nice job, and good luck on your project!

  • AJ
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    It's kind of long. More like a scene than a monologue.

    Where's it from?

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