* asked in HealthWomen's Health · 1 decade ago

I am 40 And Never Had Sex?

I've gone into the gynecologists quite a few times, and felt depression or hormonal problems. and the first thing they ask me why am I not sexually active?

Went to a regular doctor for check up, and she said you are not sexually active at the end of the exam.

I've come to the conclusion that I am sexually frustrated and I guess it has manifested itself through my mood swings, and manner and sickeness.

Please tell me after if you have sex does it clear alot out of you or make you happy or change you?

12 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Marvin Gaye was a soul singer, not a scientist. But there's growing evidence his proposition was right: Sex is good for you.

    Take it as a Valentine's Day gift from Cupid - together with studies that say wine protects the heart, filet mignon makes you slim, chocolate is chock with antioxidants and that post-prandial cup of espresso discourages diabetes.

    "A good sexual relationship is essential to good health," says Dr. Barbara Bartlick, psychiatry professor who founded the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York.

    Even apart from its psychological benefits, having sex creates physiological changes that relieve anxiety, mask pain, aid sleep, reduce stress, foster fitness, boost immune systems, stave off heart attacks, maybe even promote longevity, experts say.

    New studies range from clinical to whimsical - a Scottish paper says women who have sex three times a week have fewer wrinkles. Others say it gives the heart an aerobic workout - how much depending on the act's vigor.

    In describing how lovemaking helps, increasing attention is being given to three neurotransmitters released by the brain before, during and after sex:

    -Oxytocin, the "cuddle" hormone, which promotes emotional bonding.

    -Endorphins, which dull the perception of pain, relieve stress, strengthen immune systems, provide that well-known "runner's high."

    -Serotonins, which foster the feeling of satiety, the "afterglow" of sex.

    The three work in different ways:

    Oxytocin: It promotes sexual bonding, keeping marriages alive. It boosts nonsexual bonding - the instant adoration of a mother for the infant who has just put her through the pain of childbirth. It's produced when mother breast-feeds baby. Dads with more of it stick around to help raise the kids.

    Oxytocin triggers the physical contractions of childbirth and breast-feeding in women, and orgasm in both women and men. How it promotes social attachment is less clear. Some say it triggers other brain opiates, making that contact warmer and fuzzier.

    Experiments in the 1990s by researcher Dr. C. Sue Carter, now at the University of Illinois at Chicago, showed that when female prairie voles were injected with oxytocin, they bonded quickly with a single partner. When it was blocked, they coupled less avidly, more indiscriminately.

    In humans, oxytocin can be stimulated by touch - massage or simply holding hands. It can attract a woman to a man across a crowded room because his facial features are similar to those of a past lover.

    "Your brain focuses on things your earlier experiences predict will produce a good sexual reward," says Dr. Jim Pfaus, research psychologist at Concordia University in Montreal.

    Endorphins: They provide natural relief from the pain of arthritis, injury, even migraines. Dr. Beverly Whipple, sex educator and professor emerita at Rutgers University, said in an e-mail interview that endorphins are part of the reason that stimulating a woman's G-spot, her center of sexual pleasure, elevates her pain threshold by 40 percent - or over 100 percent if she has an orgasm.

    Endorphins enhance the immune system by fighting stress, dampening the harmful hormones that stress stimulates.

    The value of that is demonstrated by a study by Ohio State University psychiatry professor Janice Kiecolt-Glaser and her husband, immunologist Ronald Glaser.

    They purposely created small blisters on the arms of volunteer couples, had them discuss contentious marital issues such as in-laws and finances, and found that the stress of disagreement slowed healing. "Stress hormones hurt immunity," Kiecolt-Glaser says.

    Serotonins: After endorphins have induced that lovely "high," serotonins kick in to create feelings of satiety that come after a good meal or good sex, bringing relaxation, also relieving stress, says Pfaus.

    "You never sleep better than after good sex," says Bartlick. "Some of my patients use it as a sleeping aid."

    Experts differ on how the benefits of sex compare in committed relationships, casual sex or even masturbation.

    The Scottish study said sex with multiple partners did not provide the wrinkle relief that came with committed sex. But Whipple's G-spot pain-masking effect was the same whether the stimulation came from a lover or the woman herself.

    The value of committed sex is described in a bit of doggerel sex researchers quote about the perils of sex after heart attack:

    Heart beats stay at normal rate,

    When one beds down with legal mate.

    But roosting in another's nest,

    flirts with cardiac arrest.

    Little research exists into the benefits of lovemaking in same-sex couples. The federal government shies away from funding sex studies in general for fear of controversy, says Bartlick, and drug companies express little interest unless a study might lead to a profitable product like Viagra.

    The lack of research leaves holes in many theories about the benefits of making love. For example, studies show that men who are sexually active have lower annual death rates. But which causes which?

    "It would not be surprising if a good sexual relationship made for better physical and mental health," says Dr. John Bancroft, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, in an e-mail reply to questions. "The difficulty is that it works in the opposite direction also, and I am not aware of any research which has disentangled this."

    But even if not every benefit is firmly nailed down, it can't hurt to try - to give that Valentine's Day box of chocolates, chill the wine, flambe the steak in butter and brandy, put on that Marvin Gaye CD and see what Cupid has in his quiver for you and yours.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why have you never had sex? Are you waiting till marriage?

    My advice is to start dating someone and when you feel comfortable with them, have sex. Don't just rush out and lose your virginity to some strager because your sexually frustrated.

    I went a year once without sex to see if I could do it and wait till I found someone special. It was REALLY difficult because I enjoy sex very much. It does not change you necessarily but it can clear your mind and make you feel amazing. You are more relaxed and peaceful.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not the sex itself. If you're in a good relationship with a kind and considerate partner, sex can be great. If you're just having sex with anyone, or if you're not in a good relationship, sex isn't that wonderful. In fact, if you're in a very bad relationship, sex becomes another chore you have to do. The only thing that has changed me since having sex is that now I'm a mother, and I wouldn't change that for the world. One good thing about your situation ... you don't have to worry that you might have an STD, such as HIV, syphillis, etc. Unless you're in a good, committed relationship, sex is highly over-rated, at least for most women.

  • jo
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I thought 40 year old virgins were a urban legend or a myth..lol:)

    Sex is awsome and its good for the mind, body and soul.

    Bottom line:

    Go get some honey!

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i would say yes, but see i am only speaking from a man's prospective...i know after sex i am very relaxed and clear head, certain chemicals are release when having sex which is like a natural high...you are missing out i must say, god blessed with the pleasure of have sex and love you should indulge yourself and just relax and find someone to be comfortable with....and all will be well you will meet a new side to yourself that hasn't ever come out before....

  • 1 decade ago

    I can tell you that if I'm stressed or moody or feeling "blah" a little dose of sex does SO much for me.

    There is a hormonal release (progesterone, I think) in the brain that sends waves of calmness through the body.

    If you don't mind me asking - have you ever masturbated to completion? Try that and get your answer - Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You will never know unless you go and have sex!!! If all is right and you and your partner are into it then its wonderful...if your just going to have sex for the sake of having sex then you may not enjoy it......ITS ALL IN THE CHEMISTRY

  • 1 decade ago

    So you are about the only one in the world who can relate to the character in the 40-year-old virgin...

  • 1 decade ago

    go out and have sex and see what happens

  • 1 decade ago

    my advice for u...find ur special place aka usually for a women is her glit and rub one out on urself and feel good

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    40 year old virgin

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.