newly married?

ive been married now for 5 months i am 23 and i have a 7 year old son whom i love with all my heart. my husband works 75 to 85 houres a week and my son never gets to see him(stepfather)and neither do i.some times i feel so really bothers me because he gets paid salary for a 45 hour week.because of this stress on our relationship when we do talk we argue.he did not work this much before we got married and i know he is not cheating.but he always chooses work over us even when he has the option.we miss him.when i talk to him about it he says im attacking him.this will never change because he is opening his own it worth staying together and just missing him all the time?


he works in a resteraunt.

Update 2:

i have a full time job also

24 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    starting your own business, especially a restaurant takes a lot of time. However, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to see your husband and have some sort of relationship with him. It does mean that you may have to work a little harder at it though.

    Try planning a day for the three of you to spend together. Give him PLENTY of notice that you would like him to keep that day free and plan the entire thing. Maybe if he knows how hard you worked to plan something he'll be more willing to work the day off into his schedule. After the day explain how much it meant to you to spend time with him and that you hope you will be able to do smaller versions of that day through out the next very few months. He probably feels very torn right now and just needs to know that you support him in whatever he chooses to do with his life.

    Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorta in a similar sitution, except I've been married almost 5 yrs. The key is to keep urself busy, so that when he's not there you are not just twiddling your thumbs. The resturaunt biz is very challenging and competitive, so I'm sure this is where the stress factor comes in. With him opening his own place, the situation you are in now is not going to get better. I would suggest to you that you join a social doing arts and crafts, or going to the movies. I know there's nothing like being there, but that doesn't sound like an option for you. Hang in there though, if you really love him. You've only been married 5 months, so I wouldn't suggest throwing in the towel. Just try to get out a little more, you didn't say whether u worked or not, but if you did, you wouldn't be that lonely because at least you'd have your co-workers and some kind of social life. Hope I was helpful.

    Source(s): personal exp.
  • 1 decade ago

    is he working to support the family financially?

    I would suggest arranging a 'date' just the two of you in advance and speak to him about how you are feeling. Speak in a non-confrontational way, you can even start by saying: I know that you work so hard because you love us and want to support us, but sometimes I feel that xyz....... how can we work this out together so that we can spend more time as a family? Try not to make him feel like it is all his fault - when people are 'attacked' or feel that they are (even if they are not!) they will go into defence mode. This will not really help your situation, you need to figure out a way to have him a. understand that things need to change and b. work with you to make changes. In addition you might want to ask questions about his committment to the job - does he feel that by working double hours he will get promoted? Perhaps there are circumstances you dont know of....

    You dont say how he interacted with you before or why the change. Perhaps he has found the transition of being married difficult. Dont give up on your relationship. Find out the cause of the problem and see if it can be fixed. Being open and supportive will help.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I've been married for 2 months and I know what you mean. My husband works all the time, and also is not cheating, he does side jobs for cash so we can pay off our second mortgage faster. It sucks sometimes, but at the same time I try to see the big picture, like we will be able to retire sooner, enjoy the finer lifestyle that we have chosen and will never finanically worry. I used to think I could be poor and happy, but I worry way too much to be happy when I don't have a lot of money. It stinks to say but money drives us, your husband is trying to provide for his family. His hard work now will pay off and I'm sure that is his vision. Try not to discuss his work when you do have time together, try to plan lunches with him, if able or help him with his work if there is an opportunity. And if you truly are unhappy then maybe you should seek a marriage counsuler, or plan a vaca together. It will be alright:)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Let me begin by saying that the restaurant industry is a tough world. In order to survive you have to be completely dedicated to it and not let anything stop you from achieving your goals. Most people who own a restaurant work as a husband/wife team because it requires so much time and money and effort. I would suggest becoming involved with him. This will give you time to spend together while working and earning money.

    If he is not able or willing to allow this to happen then I would re-examine the relationship.

    Even though you obviously love him very much it may not work. You will always resent him for his time and you will continue to fight because you are hurt.

    Best of Luck to You.

  • petra
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Its understandable that you miss your husband. Now sit down and ask yourself why he is working so hard. Could it be that he is trying to build a better and more secure future for all of you? - Since you mentioned that he is working on opening his own place, can you do anything to help him? It would be a way to spend some time together and share his life as well as make a little time for yourself and the family.

  • 1 decade ago

    if he only gets paid for a 45 hour week and he works 75 he needs to ask for more money or get a new job

    but he should spend more time with you and your son try asking him for a day once a week where all three of you can go somewhere like a park or beach and maybe he will start to make more time cuz he will miss you even more then he does now, hope it works out

  • 1 decade ago

    Are you working or staying home. Is he working that many hours to provide? And was he this way before you got married? THings don't change once you get married, sometimes they get more comfortable and worse off. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know it must be hard. Listen to me though, when you said "I Do", you said for better or for worse. Better means the best it could possible be, and worst means the worst it could possibly be. Think back to when you made that promise. Times may be hard, but pray. Do it for you, do it for him and do it for your son. I will pray for you too. Be paitient. "Love is patient, love is kind...."- 1 Chorinthians 13:4 Be kind and patient when you talk to him, even if your just dying to yell or argue because you are so frustrated, even if he is wrong. Then maybe he'll think about it and then you both can really talk. Ask him to tell you about his day, and just listen, just be there for him. He'll think. LOVE NEVER FAILS. :)God Bless.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know how you feel. My husband is in this business as well. He is always at work and then wants to sleep when he is at home. It does make for a stressful relationship.

    I am trying to make the best of it one day at a time.

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