Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Please comment on my poem?

The dying man invokes his strayed integrity.

He finally embodies it in this honest hour-

It shields him from the thieves at death's hard heel

But steals from conquered flesh its timeless power-

Steals the vision of eyes with hunger new revealed

But yeilds the sensual mortal memory.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    that's good. ignore the idiots on here. seems they've taken over.

    'short and sweet' would be the cliched response, but i'm going to say 'succinct and powerful' instead. as another person said, you've really summed it up, with good words.

    'the best words, in the best order'. you can edit it if you wish, but it's already good.

  • 3 years ago

    this might surely make me unpopular in spite of the incontrovertible fact that that is real. I consistently prefer the fact, yet i prefer it to make experience. the fairly some human beings I even have met right here supply what i assume is definitely-meaning suggestion, yet their innovations might wreck the poem in innumerable techniques. If I have been much less experienced and much less knowledgeable, i does not locate this annoying, yet I ceased being green years in the past. If somebody does not purely like the poem's concept or language, i might prefer to pay attention why. If somebody thinks the syntax is strained, tell me why. yet you may extra suited comprehend what that's you're talking approximately, because of the fact I could have the skill to benefit some thing from you in case you grant suggestion. regrettably, that not often occurs except I even have the sturdy fortune to capture Hypocorism in an off 2d and he stops to examine and respond. in case you like what I write and desire to compliment me, it incredibly is positive. in case you honestly grant a guiding principle it incredibly is definitely-recommended, much extra suited. in case you grant me rubbish that demonstrates not something yet how little care you're taking with words and propose I do an identical, then shame on you. Tact is amazingly significant, are not getting me incorrect. yet at last, i might prefer to be certain some properly-recommended diagnosis of poems and considerate innovations. i've got given extra suitable than my proportion, and now i will attend to be certain what number others can, or will, carry on with. How's that for reality?!

  • 1 decade ago

    i thought it was suggestive of the old classics. it seems to me to give the same essence as a Victorian painting or a painting by some European artist. it is a beautiful stanza. in my humble opinion it caries with it a wait of wisdom that is beyond what most modern writers give.

    simple is good but there are somethings that are impossible with simple.

  • 1 decade ago

    I like it, the word steal appears several times in a couple of different forms. Is this intentional? In any case I like it , it is dark enough for me.

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  • 1 decade ago

    wow this is really good. im terrible at depicting meanings of poems, but i can tell its deep and about they dying mans memories. keep em coming :)

  • HimJoy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Beautiful ! You have got the essence of life and death in few words. Wow ! It has touched my soul ! I have copied it in my Diary ! Wow !

  • 1 decade ago

    perhaps...you are trying to use to big of words

    sometimes poems are better simpler

    and plus the words dont really flow

  • 1 decade ago

    if i liked that kind of poem i'd say it's good

  • bkk
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    POOH

  • suzie
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    WHAT?????

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