Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

i don't love my parents even though I try. I've been hurt by them too many times...?

I used to get wipped on a daily... now its just back hand every now and then. They yell at me then act like Im there best friend. They cuss and scream and talk me down and tell me I'm useless, then act like it never happened. Last year my dad told be that I was a waste of space. I don't hate them but I dont love them. They're just there. I used to hate them but now i've gone numb. Do you blame me? What should I do?

The closest person to a parent to me is my teacher.

2 things. No social services and don't tell me try and talk to them cause I have already.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    I dont think you are a bad person and I dont blame you. But I think you need to talk to someone about it. And believe it or not, there are ways to do it without getting social services involved and without them knowing. If there are drugs or alcohol involved, you might want to consider attending an Ala-Teen meeting, which is children of alcoholics. People who grow up abused tend to develop a certian type of personality (trust me, I know all too well). And you might want to try talking to a teacher. Sometimes teachers know better then to get DCFS/ACF/ASC (social services) involved because it makes it worse. You might even want to check this out :

    http://www.ascasupport.org/

    Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. Either way, you should talk it out. And if you dont want to do any of those things I suggested, you can message me anytime. My screen name is rae_7_7@yahoo.com . Trust me hon ... I wasnt abused by my parents, but I was abused, too. Talk it out with someone.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know how old you are, but I suspect that you have learned a bit more than the average kid.

    If you don't want social services involved & you can't talk to your parents, then you have to look at what you CAN do.

    You can choose to come out of this a bitter, sad, & troubled person, or you can choose to do well at what you decide to do with your life. It really is a choice. Too many kids out there go down the wrong track because of their home life. They want some sort of payback & they end up wrecking their own lives in the process.

    Take a huge deep breath & tell yourself you can do it. Don't be afraid to get help from somewhere. It doesn't have to be social services. It can be a youth group. Someone to support you.

    If you want payback, then make it positive. Finish school, get that great job & show them they couldn't keep you down.

  • 1 decade ago

    You don't say how old you are. This is definitely not a good environment for anyone, but especially for a youth growing up. Is there anyone else in your family you feel close to and would allow you to come live with them, like a grandmother or aunt? If they knew the situation, surely they would not want you to be there. And even though it feels like you are numb right now, it is because of the abuse you have gotten through the years. Deep down, I'm sure you still love them, but you have to know they need help. Their parenting skills appear to be lacking but I'm sure they love you in their own, twisted way. You don't know how they grew up. We all have good intentions when we have a family of our own. Life doesn't come with an instruction booklet, so we have to do the best we can. I will pray for you and your parents and I will also pray that God will send someone to intervene that you can confide in and stay with.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry your in this position. I can sorta relate, not totally but I can honestly I don't feel much for my father. I was never physically abused, but mental abuse is sometimes just as bad.

    Sounds like your getting both.

    It's hard to feel love for someone that doesn't treat you well. I always tell people that I do love my parents but I don't like them.

    But I can't say I'd even be sad if my father died. He was always out to make himself feel important and smart at the expense of us kids.

    You just have to keep trying your best to be a good nice person even if they aren't. You don't need to force yourself to feel love when there's nothing propelling that feeling naturally.

    Hopefully in time, maybe lots of time they will see how good of a person you are and that BOY THEY MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES!!!!!!

    And even then don't expect much from them, try to remember they learnt this behavior somewhere, and probably it's deep inside them. Maybe they had a bad upraising, or even a personality flaw they've created, it's still a reason.

    Just try to be the bigger person.

    I hope that helps. I'm older now too, I'm 25 and have a family of my own, and that only made me realize even more some of the stupid mean things I went through.

    You can't change them, any more than they can change you. I came to that realization. It's hard when your young and at their mercy though.

    After reading the first comment, don't ever allow the actions of someone else, parents or not, make you who you are!

    Just the fact your on here asking if this makes you "in blame" shows you have heart and do care, even though as the parents, they have the responsiblty to make sure your emotions and needs are cared for. Your stronger than that!

    I see myself in your question......and your right talking to them probably wouldn't accomplish much, sounds like there's some strong personalitys here, and maybe a lot of stubborness.......just try your best to be respectful and unfortunately your going to have to become the great person you'll become on your own.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I Think you should talk to someone, it is def not right. I get along with my parents now. The keyword is now because when i was little I def did not. My parents took there problems out on there children. Well my dad did not my mom. I remeber one day, i ran away from my dad up to my room, and he throw me off the bed and i hit a wall. Then he would come in a hour later and say he was sorry. That made me feel 10 times better. But then My little brother was around six and he finnaly started to take it out on both me and my little brother. But he would never come and say sorry to me. But he would say sorry to my little brother. When he said sorry to me I understood he was going through rough times. But when he stopped, I would not talk to him for days, when day i started tapping a fork on my plate, and he came after me, and he never said sorry. Butt about 3 years later he does not do that no more, we get along. There where days when i packed and was gonna run away, the only thing that held me back was the fact of me haveing no money and food. I am 15 now, and i am scared. I remeber these moments, and remeber standing in the hallway watching my dad go crazy and yell at my mom. I am glad it does not happen no more, but I have a strange feeling its slowly comeing back, cause my family is going through a rough time again. But I believe you should tell someone. Looking back I wished I would have told someone. Its def the right thing to do. And be strong. Good Luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    sadly some parent-child relationships are like this. I don't blame you for not loving them, but it sounds to me like there seriously bi-polar. You have to understand that you can't just sit and let them talk to you like that. It can cause extreme mental problems in a child and even though you said no social services, i think you should talk to an adult you trust and look up to, maybe a teacher.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    They are mentally ill and no its not you, its them. If you can move out do so. Talk to your teacher, tell them what is happening and talk to your school counsellor. If you cant get out, you need advice from your counsellor on how to deal with them.

    No, talking to them will only make them angry and it will all be your fault or they will deny it.

    I strongly recommend reading Dr Carvers article and his blog, and even asking him what to do. He is a clinical psychologist online, who deals with people like this. Sociopaths, narcissistic personality disorder etc (my parents are like this to and I was abused all of my life by them). I have just cut my parents out, at age 34.

    Find the links here:

    http://www.drjoecarver.com/

    http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/Iden...

    http://counsellingresource.com/features/2007/07/16...

    P.S. I dont love my parents any more either. Its a natural response to abuse.

    Note: this is NOT the behaviour of someone with bi polar!!.

    swtserenity43 there is NEVER any excuses to abuse your child, not EVER. Please don't act like there is. Abuse is a crime.

  • 1 decade ago

    i kno where you are coming from. my mom has done some horrible things to me. im sure your not that far from graduating and you will never have to talk to them again. the first time i ran away my mom walked out the door and looked around then walked back in, and hour later she went to bed. she locked me out of the house.

    dont get down just because your parents suck. i kno how you feel because im sure people constantly tell you that you dont really hate them that you are just angry but you know the truth.

    you pry feel like no one understands you and wat you are going through but i promise you it gets better. i kno this can be a depressing thing to go through and in my case i just turned to drugs to fill the gap i had since i never had a mother daughter relationship with my mom or a relationship at all. for me i write alot. mostly hateful poems and things about her, this helps me but i cant really explain it.

    being children we will constantly try to be nice to our parents and get their invisible approval from them but in your case you pry feel like they always let you down and make you feel like sh*t . and eventually (if you havent already) you will give up on them. it gets old after awhile and you are not going to want to put up with them being so fake and impossible to have a relationship with.

    in order to get past this feeling and fill the gap of your loss of parents then you will look to others for that parenting advice and comfort. this isnt a bad thing. feeling as if your teacher is more of a parent to you might actually help you through your childhood years and develop into a great parent yourself.

    i've learned that kids either turn out exactly like their parents or the EXACT opposite. i already know you will be a good parent because you know wat its like to have horrible parents.

    sorry i just rambled on and on. hope this helped. feel free to email me anytime if you have any questions or if you just want to talk!!

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