Help with College Applications Essay ... please?

I tried to get this proof-read by my college counselor but she kinda forgot. thanks for the help!

My dad and I are a shining example of the law of magnetism at work. In scientific terms, a magnet has two pole, north and south. It attracts when the unlikely poles, north and south, face each other. It repels when the opposite poles come together. My views often differ from my dad’s and they do clash sometimes.

My dad is Vietnamese, a Generation X’er, who came to this country when he was 16 years old. To his credit, he still held on to a lot of the rich cultural elements of his motherland. He shares those cultural experience with me and tends to look back at the past to determine how things should be done, and to help guide him in his decision making process. I would consider him as the south pole of the magnet.

I, on the other hand, was born in 1990 and am White and Vietnamese. I’ve never been to Vietnam, so my knowledge of the Vietnamese culture is limited. I’ve been to the temple an

Update:

and the Tet festival during the Lunar New Year. However, being born in the US, living in the digital age as Generation Y and interacting frequently with my Anglo mom, I tend to be more Americanized. I look at the future, or often envision what my future will look like, when I make my decisions. I see myself as the north pole of the magnet and it often attracts with my dad’s south pole. It was perfectly aligned recently when I decided to increase my working hours at Girls Incorporated. I had an opportunity to take on a leadership role and to be a youth mentor. I see this as an opportunity to showcase my leadership skills and to affect positive change on at risk youths.

Although my dad has been a strong supporter of my involvement with Girls Inc., he sees the additional hours as a distraction to my schoolwork. He believes that my primary focus, as a senior in high school, should be on school. He recounted on the many hours he had to work to graduate from high school, and could not imagin

Update 2:

imagine how he could have done it by spending his time with extra-curricular activities. He was visibly upset and was quite loud throughout this whole event. I knew that my dad liked to throw out his point of view and often does not like to be challenged. He typically will become very reasonable when he is calmed down. So I was as quiet as a fly. Also, he seemed more upset than in the past, so I decided not to discuss this issue with him further that evening. I told him that I will think about what he had to say and will talk with him again the next day. He was still upset and said there was nothing else to talk about.

The next day, I explained to him how important the participation at Girls Inc. was to me and that I have learned a lot through this experience, especially the communication skill that I acquired while speaking at large groups. I suggested to him that I would let Girls Inc. know that we could try out the new hours for just three months and if my schoolwork is not impacted

Update 3:

, we could make it a long-term commitment. I tried to understand his point of view and offer a solution that addressed his concerns. At the end, he felt comfortable with the arrangement but told me that he was still not happy with my decision.

This example illustrated how different my dad and I are. While we both are at very different places in our lives and come from very different backgrounds, we often co-exist well, like the north and south poles of the magnet.

1 Answer

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I didn't detect any typo, spelling mistakes nor grammatical errors. The essay is well laid out and your viewpoint well articulated. However, I have a question here: You are using a wrong example to illustrate your father-daughter relationship. If two opposite poles attract, why then the clash of viewpoints by two of you? I think it either doesn't make sense or is a wrong example.

    You could work around this problem by stating in the start that unlike two opposite magnet poles that attract each other, you and your father often clash as a result of opposite viewpoints concerning education.

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