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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

My 'fiance' is acting very distant - to the point where I don't know why he even proposed?

I can't figure this out. He went from being attentive and loving to acting like a jerk over a one year period. It started just before he proposed and just got worse over time. He began hanging out with his friends, never made plans with me and neglected me and when I complained, he didn't seem to get it nor care or did anything about it. Then he rented a house next door to his friends and it got progressively worse. He never wants sex and when I initiate he says it's a weak way of initiating and turns me down and says sex is too much work or gives no foreplay. He doesn't call me when he gets home from work anymore and just goes next door and parties. (There aren't any women there I know of either. It's so bad, I have contemplated maybe he's gay - but I doubt it- who knows!) Today, he worked over time, didn't call to let me know, I made dinner. I nicely asked why he didn't call - he said 'so what?' Like it's no big deal! We don't kiss anymore. (No wed plans yet-of course!)What happ?

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  • Tara
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    No one knows what's going on with your boyfriend .. but him .. for sure.

    You can't make him tell you the truth .. unless he wants to tell you himself. In fact, if you ask him .. he will probably be invasive, give excuses, or no excuses ,, and maybe even lie.

    So .. you might should consider every single thing that he is doing .. as a 'red-flag' to you.

    He is treating you awful .. this hurts you .. and can do tons of damage to your self-esteem.

    What you might considering doing is to simply "back-off". And I mean really BACK OFF. Don't call ,, don't go by his house .. don't ask him questions .. don't cook .. don't initate sex .. nor kisses .. just DO nothing. Don't be in the places where he expects you to be .. don't do the normal.

    He may not react for awhile .. but IF he really cares - he should finally give you a reaction. One reaction could be to try to get you back to the comfortable routine which suits him so well.

    It sounds like he has a big secret .. and something definitely going on. TIME .. will tell.

    You don't have to take any of this. You don't have to put up with the rudeness - or him being a jerk .. just don't allow it in your life, if you don't like it. All of these things are your choice. He will probably DO to you .. whatever he wants to do .. if you let him. Don't let him.

    You have lots of choices. Just know - that you can absolutely refuse to take anything from him. If you do take it - he will give you more to take. You can be the STOPPER of it all.

    It may not be easy. You will have to be strong. And .. it might get harder .. before it gets better. But it can be done.

    The choices you put into your life, determines your life. SO .. if you take what he is doing to you ..then this is what your life will be all about.

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  • Jo
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    If you were somone else and read what you just wrote right now what would you say to that girl? You would answer your own question by saying girl, you need to dump that guy ASAP because he obviously isn't not ready to follow through with the commitment he has made. Marriage is a 24/7 deal and when someone treats you this way now THINK about how it's going to be when you close the deal. It will not change for the better as you may like to tell yourself. So save yourself even more heartache and money and move forward with your life with someone new.

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  • bob
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I don't know how to say this gently, but the man does not sound to me like he is ready for marriage.

    My opinion is you may need to open a "some things are going to have to change" talk with him, and tell him about the things that are potential dealbreakers in your mind/heart.

    Tell him about how he has progressed away from you and more toward partying with friends, and that you're hurt and worried.

    Regardless what you two decide... don't rush down the aisle.

    Wish you the best.

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  • 1 decade ago

    well better get off to that relationship or engagement before it's too late. Maybe he changed his mind to settle down. Or maybe he just found out that he's gay. He's not worth it especially if he talks to you like that. show him the door.

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  • 1 decade ago

    he cant do that to a woman he says loves and wants to be his wife....he must be kissing yo feet so to speak to convince u that he will luv u take care of you etc and make u look forward to being is wife....i think therre is no love there!!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    godd thing your not yet married to the jerk!!! leave him.. he is abusing you already....

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  • john
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    you still want to marry him;;;wake up

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