Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Caught my son smoking weed. Help?

I caught my son (senior in high school) smoking weed. It was late last night - I told him to go to bed because he has school - and we will talk about it after school.

What should I say/do?

Option 1)

Ground him - but I'm pretty sure he'll rebel and do it again later. I really don't like this option - because I remember when I was a kid - I'd do it 10 time as much to get back at my parents.

Option 2)

Control as much of the situation as I can (Ie: no driving, etc). He gets good grades and has a parttime job - so he is not a failure and not lazy. So I'm thinking that 1) I do not let him drive except to work and school and 2) Tell him he can do what he wants UNLESS his grades drop.

I smoked a little when I was young - and still went to college and got a degree and a good job. Thankfully stopped smoking - as I expect he will too. Being high just made me paranoid, self conscious, hungry and horny - still don't understand the lure - it's not a good state to be in!

57 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Seeing he is old enough to make his own decisions, explain your experiences with it to him ,along with the downfalls that any of your friends may have had.

    Watch the old movie , "Reefer Madness" with him explaining how (even though the movie exaggerates it) pot could have a negative impact on your life if you let it.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago


  • 1 decade ago

    You've thought it through pretty well and sound like a rational and reasonable parent. Hopefully he will be as reasonable and willing to sit down and talk. I went through

    the same things during my late high school and early college years. The appeal seemed to be more social/peer pressure than the feeling I got. Several ideas pop into my mind as discussion openers or topics:

    1) Ask him what he feels when smoking. Find out if he thinks it feels good, weird, scary, whatever. Share your memories of what you felt and why you didn't keep smoking.

    2) Ask why he smokes. Is he having some social or emotional problems he wants to escape?

    3) Look at it from the legal standpoint. Find out if he is aware of the penalties if he's caught in possession, driving, selling, buying, etc. Talk a bit about how a record (he's nearing having an adult record instead of juvenile) can affect his future. There are many jobs that, with even one mention of drug use in the past, will be closed to him.

    4) Along the lines of "controlling what you can" you might consider allowing him to smoke only at home. I'm not endorsing this idea, but many families allow their children to do things in the privacy of their own home so that they can keep an eye on the situation. Most find that it tends to de-glamorize the activity since the kids are no longer trying to get away with something!

    Any communication at this point is a good thing, and keeping the door open to discuss freely without recrimination is the way to go. Many times teens make decisions based on what they hear from their friends (laws, medical effects, etc.) and if you become the expert and are sympathetic you'll be a hero!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I can't believe that you've never had discussions like this before with your child. I would guess this is not the first time he's smoked it, probably a long time now.

    Since you can't change the past and start all over, you'll just have to take it from here. Since he gets good grades in school and is a good kid basically, just tell him that you are disappointed with his choice and that you'd expect better from him.

    It's kinda too late to expect that because you caught him that he's going to never do it again.

    Don't nag him and browbeat him...........because then he'll just be more secretive about the other things he does. You want to keep an open, trusting relationship especially with your teenager.

    ~M.B. ( imperfect Mother of 3 adults)

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  • J P
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Option 2 (with a curfew) sounds like a great idea. You certainly don't want him to rebel against you, that would only make things worse. Kids are kids and they're going to experiment with stuff like this. Keep in mind that is a lot safer than alcohol, be honest with him, tell him that you tried it too and give him the reasons that you believe he shouldn't do it. You sound like a good father. Let your conscience be your guide and have faith that your kid's got as much sense as you do, he does well in school AND holds down a part time job. That means he's not a pothead or a slacker or he wouldn't be doing so well.

    Good Luck

    Have Faith

  • 1 decade ago

    This is a really difficult one, and my son did the same when he was a senior in high school... socially mostly.

    I didn't ignore it, but i did not harp on him, either. We talked about it, and i told him how i felt. I smoked it when i was younger, too, and didn't like it; however some people do. My son is 31 and has a family now, doesn't smoke pot anymore.

    I have found a couple of articles for you, in case you're interested. I wish you all the best. And for me, i am not pro drug use...

  • 1 decade ago

    Pot is such a non-drug nowadays.

    I, personally, smoked a lot in high school when I was a junior but gave it up by the time I graduated because I hated the feeling. I smoked it maybe two or three times after that and that was only because I thought things might have changed. They didn't.

    Grounding your son won't help. He'll still do it if he wants to. Just let him know the consequences of smoking it and how it gets expensive because the more you smoke, the more you need to get a decent high.

    If his grades drop or he starts missing school or work or he can't seem to save money for university/college, then it's time to put your foot down but unless that happens, why worry? Just let him know you don't want to know about when he smokes it and you wished he didn't. Hopefully, he'll realize how lame it is.

  • 1 decade ago

    I go to high school and I know and see that we teenagers are very stubborn. So if he wants to do it he will do it again despite of all punishment.

    So, I suggest you not to punish him. Do not be angry on him. Try to tell him that you really care for him and that smoking weed is not healthy. Say to him why smoking weed is bad.

    I would say him like this: "Son, you are grown up. Smoking isn't healthy. I'd like you not to do things against yourself. I will not punish you because I think you are grown up enough to see what is good for you and what is bad. You are clever boy and please think if that is necessary. Just think about it."

    That would work on me...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    he isnt going to die if he smokes weed..just tell him that if he starts getting bad grades because of smoking then you will really be strict with him and not even let him work because come on he must be already 17 yrs old and at age 17 you could do whatever you want because the states consider you an adult. the only thing he could not do is go clubbing.

  • 5 years ago

    caught son smoking weed

  • 1 decade ago

    I like option 2, I did the same as you did to get back at my parents and you dont want that. You can also talk to him about it. Tell him the choices he mkaes now can effect his whole life, ie drug testing at work, he would get fired or not hird for a better job. You can tell him how some people do nothing but get high and dont have great jobs whne they are older. Also tell him if he gets caught he might go to jail. Tell him our world is so messed up he will serve more time for drug possesion than for murder!

    Good luck!!

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