love
Lv 6
love asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

He won't set a wedding date!?

My fiance refuses to set a wedding date. We have been engaged for six months, and it is always one excuse after another. First it was that we were moving, then his mother couldn't fly out, then money. Now we need to iron out "problems" in our relationship. I ask him about what problems he is refering to, and he can't come up with anything. We fight just as much as any couple, about one argument per every 6-8 weeks. He has never had a relationship for longer than 2 months, and we have been together for about 18 months, so I think he doesn't realize that all couples have minor arguments and you just work them out. Grrr... What should I do?

Update:

He's not paying for the wedding!!

24 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Six months is not long enough anyway. Give him six months more room...and then start asking to set a wedding date. If he doesn't want to, then tell him the engagement is off and give him back his ring. He doesn't sound ready for marriage anyway.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You two have been together less than two years. By proposing at only one year together he probably realized in the last six months that maybe he's not as ready as he thought he was. Maybe he suddenly feels rushed. Whatever the reason, you need to slow down and have a talk with him. At only a year and a half of being together why are you in such a rush?

    It's time for communication. Marriage takes a lot of communication and compromise. Better you learn this now and decide what you both want and when before making the leap and one of you ends up miserable.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Emily Dew is right. You need to find out if he really wants to get married. Sit down and ask him why he's hesitating. Then decide what you do with his answer. If it's because he's not quite ready now, but does eventually want the same future that you do, then you have to decide if you'll wait for that--and for how long (I waited 15 years--way too long--before I broke it off, and am now engaged to my real Mr. Right). If it turns out that you don't want the same things, then you both need to move on to find a person who does want the same things. I suspect he isn't really having issues about problems in your relationship since he can't define them and they don't seem to be out of the ordinary. He's finding excuses to put off the wedding. The fact that he hasn't been in a long-term relationship before suggests some comittment issues to begin with. Find out what the uncertainty is all about and then decide from there.

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  • Rockit
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    My fiance and I have only been engaged for five days and we're already ready to get married. The only thing holding is back is making the plans. We couldn't wait to start planning. It sounds like he's really not ready for marriage. Usually people are willing to do whatever it takes to get married without letting things get in the way. They deal with issues, set a date soon after engagement and don't want to put it off. Normally putting it off means you're not ready.

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  • 1 decade ago

    See if he will go to couples counseling - it sounds like maybe you guys need to work some stuff out prior to actually setting a date. If you force him to set one, he may end up resenting you and having animosity as the wedding day gets closer.

    Have you asked him directly why he seems to be avoiding setting a date? Mind you, you shouldn't be accusatory when you ask, but approach it with more of a open and loving mind.

    If he still seems to be avoidant or not open to counseling, you should ask yourself if you really want to marry someone who doesn't seem to be on the same page as you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you need to sit him down and talk to him frankly and ask him if he really wants to get married. Tell him to be honest and that no matter his answer you won't get angry. If he says yes, then you set a date. Break out the calender and set a date, if he objects, then tell him you're either going to get married on that date or not at all. It may be just what he needs to push him to commit or it may be what he wants to find a way out. Either way leave him no choice. Call him out on making excuses and demand an explanation. You need to be prepared that after this conversation you'll either be on your way to planning your wedding or grieving the loss of a fiance. Good Luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wedding bells ring when women insist on marriage. Given the choice of either marrying you or losing you, he MIGHT choose to marry you. If you're not willing to take the chance of losing him, the wedding will probably never happen. Your options are (1) Give him a deadline, and be prepared to end the relationship. (2) Continue as you are.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I found myself in a similar position once with a fiance. Finally, I got tired of all the games and said, "Listen, I want marriage and a family in my life. If you don't want those things in your life, then I need to be free to find someone who does. We've been together for three years, which is long enough for you to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Either set the date or let's go our separate ways so I can find the right guy for me." We've been married 15 years now. I'm not saying this will work for you, but it is legitimate. I mean if you want to be married and have children and he really doesn't, then it's not right for him to waste any more of your time.

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  • ARTmom
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Its obvious hes not the one for you! If you were the one for him he'd be the first in line to pay and set a date-don't wish on a star. Call off the engagement and just date him-see what happens then. He must chase you girl-not the other way around-or you'll be a divorcee in less than a wink

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  • Lydia
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Well, he obviously wasn't serious about getting married when he proposed. My mom used to say you aren't officially engaged until you have a ring, and a date for the wedding! Now I see how she was right!

    Sounds like it's just not a match for the two of you. He may have given you the ring to keep you quiet, sorry to say.

    Also, getting engaged after a year of dating wasn't smart - you need two years of serious dating to know each other well.

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