How much are men expected to just "know" what women want?
I am having a problem with my husband not knowing what I like. I have tried to give him "hints" but he is just not getting it. I am stopping short of just telling him. I want to bop him in the head. How can guys be so dumb. Thinking of trading this defective model in for something new and shiny. Am I being selfish? Why doesen't he just "get it"? I don't want to have to teach him how to be a man and how to lead. It's like I am lowering myself trying to tell him what I want. Right? I am not the first woman he has dated, he should know these things. It's not my fault.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Well, since you've obviously ruled out just telling him what you want him to know or understand, I don't have any helpful advice, because from the way you phrased your question, you seem to need to get rid of your guy, and have a relationship with either a psychic or a mind reader. Cuz, the way you've kvetched without revealing anything, it's your only hope. Yes, I too am a man, and I didn't "get it" either.
- 1 decade ago
Whatever it is you want, you must not want it very bad or you wouldn't be making a power game out of refusing to ask for it. Bridge partners, opera duets, any people who expect to work together as a team can't be shy about offering direction and instruction to the other team member -- not if they expect the team to accomplish anything worth while. Men don't like guessing games and hints, but they respond well to supportive coaching and a clear game plan. Stop setting yourself up for disappointment and failure and start doing something that works. If you keep doing what you are doing now, you will keep getting the same results you're getting now.
- 1 decade ago
To you they may be hints, but to logical men they may mean the exact opposite. You women are supposed to be so great at communicating, why not try it for once. TELL HIM WHAT YOU DESIRE/EXPECT/WANT. Especially if he's been in relationships with other women. You have no idea how different you all are.
Here's an example from the current Redbook magazine, there's an article about women/men and talking/hearing between the sexes. The author of a book on the subject is telling a story about a friend of his who wasn't getting along with his gf one particular day. The night before, while having sex, (and I'm not deliberately being crude here, you can look this up yourself) he started to go down on her. She stops him and says, "No, don't do that". The boyfriend, thinking she's self-conscious about something that day, or just not up for that, lets it go. The girlfriend then gets mopey and pouty, because as it turns out, she wanted nothing more than for him to do that all night long on her, but she wanted him to practically beg her to let him do it. He was just supposed to know.
I mean, do I even have to say, WTF? We men and you women will be doomed to an eventual 100% single forever rate if that's the way we're going to talk.
So try telling your hubby want you would like him to do. You say you shouldn't have to show him how to be a man. But what is your image of "being a man"? Is it remotely close to his? And if you really think you're lowering yourself by telling him what you want, then I will tell you flat out to end this relationship, as you two are not right for each other.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Think Homer Simpson here. Were talking the density if Titanium. Don't expect that just because he's been with other women, he can automatically know what YOU want, or need. Dont think that you're teaching him how to be a man, think that you're teaching him how to take care of YOU. Tell him, show him, and do it without any sarcasim, or acusations, or he'll just shut down, and then the problems will REALLY start.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- 1 decade ago
OK, let reverse the situation... how do you measure up? Do you *know* what he wants???? Seriously, girl, he is not a mind reader.... Go read the book called "5 love languages"... possibly he is loving you in a way you don't understand.... trading your husband in for another one is selfish, because you made a commitment for better or for worse, not "I'll be with you until you stop reading my mind and knowing what I want"... seriously, work on your marriage and stop looking for an easy way out....
- Sgt Big RedLv 71 decade ago
Men only know what they learn from other men. If he hangs with dummies, you get dummie men.
Women can themselves be very hard to understand and at times downright confusing.
It takes years of relationships but remember this, by the time we get old enough to know what the women want, we're too damn old to care any more.
My sugestion: go to car lot, look over models, test drive some for a while untill you find the one that best fits your garage!
P.S. your not selfish.Source(s): 57 years of life
- old beatnikLv 61 decade ago
I have been married for many years. But I dated many women before I found this great woman. I discovered that all women are different. What one woman likes, another dislikes. What turns one on turns off another. Men are not mind readers. And, sadly, we are very poor at getting hints. If you want him to know, you may just have to say, "Look, Charlie, this is what I want."
- Praire CroneLv 71 decade ago
I know what you are talking about. It isn't so much that a gal feels like she is lowering herself but that for some reason it lessens the joy of the act if you have to tell him step by step what you want. Part of the the attraction of what you want is the idea that you are so connected to your partner that it is just there. Call it romance or a spiritual connection but it is a part of the emotional thing that a woman needs. To us it just shows how "into us" they are if they can instinctively know what turns us on. Right??? We want the emotional connection almost as much as the physical one. It is like the ultimate turn on. Tell him to read romance novels hon.....My soul mate reads them alot and he is like the most romantic guy. Find ones that turn you on and develop a system where you leave it where he sees it and after he reads it, he'll understand what you want. If I want a tiger, I find one about aggressive types who sweep their women off their feet. Or if I want a sensitive one, then I find one about that. Works for us. You might want to try it....Good Luck
- 1 decade ago
I have come right out and told my husband exactly what I want, and somehow he still seems to never understand. Some men are just like that.....
- Bryan MLv 61 decade ago
Some of us men, not all, but some of us, don't get hints, you have to show us the big picture otherwise we don't know what you want.
Maybe your expecting too much of him.