How To Play Asshole You will need: 4 people 1 pack of cards with the Jokers Alcoholic beverages (beer and margaritas work best) Non-alcoholic beverages for the designated driver The object of the game of Asshole is two-fold. You want to: a) get rid of all your cards first in order to b) be the President. Okay, let's play. 1. Determine Initial Job Titles Spread the cards out face down on the table.
Each player picks a card. High card is President, next highest is Vice President, next highest is Assistant Asshole and the lowest is the Asshole.
The President picks a seat, the Vice President sits to his left, the Assistant Asshole to the Vice President's left, and the Asshole to the Assistant Asshole's left, all in a circle.
These remain the position seats for the rest of the game. (Got it?) 2. The Asshole's Duties The Asshole is responsible for: a) dealing the cards b) removing the cards after each play c) fetching the beer d) removing the empty beer bottles from the table e) anything else anyone wants to make him do. 3. Proceed With The Game The Asshole deals the cards. (It will not come out even; the Asshole and Assistant Asshole will have one less card than everyone else.) The Asshole then gives the President the two best cards in his hand and the President returns the favor by giving the Asshole his two worst cards. The Assistant Asshole gives the Vice President his one best card, and Vice President returns his one worst card. Jokers are wild, and must be turned around to face outward in the hand.
Two's are also wild, but Jokers rank higher than the two's. So the Assistant Asshole and Asshole would have to relinquish their Jokers first, then their two's, then Ace, King, etc. down to threes. The President goes first by playing a card. Play goes clockwise. The Vice President must then play a card that is higher (not equal to), and so on around the table until everyone has had a turn. If a player cannot play (or chooses not to, you don't have to unless you want to), he must drink.
The last person to play a card leads the next round, and so it goes, until the first person runs out of cards. That person is the new President. The second person to get rid of all their cards becomes the Vice President. The third one out is the Assistant Asshole, and the last one left with cards is the Asshole.
Everyone gets up and moves to their respective chairs. Now, the first person in each round can also play double, triple, or even quadruple cards, providing they have matching numbers -- two, three or four eights, for example, and the next person would have to put down an equal number of nines or higher.
The exception to this rule is the wild cards -- one Joker or one two is enough to beat any number of cards. (And don't forget that Jokers beat two's.) That's it, and don't forget to give the Asshole a hard time. Make him drink for dealing slow, dealing you a bad hand, the color of his hair, or whatever strikes your fancy.