Transition advice?

I know i'm gonna get mixed answers and I'm ok with that, right now I just want an idea of what to do, I don't even know where to start. I have been living with the feeling of being a girl in a boys body for a long time, but its now getting to where I can't live with it anymore. Is it normal for me to feel this desperate, this alone? I lived and still do to an extend vicariously through the internet but, I'm tired of being someone else in real life. anyone out there whos trans, how did you go about your transition? was it hard? I am totally financially dependant on parents who now wanna kick me out because I feel this way. How good of a job will Ineed to be able to afford rent and utilities and estrogens? What about hair removal? Should I try to work things out with my parents till I can get some kind of training in a school for a job, or should I be on my own and dealing with this anyways? Someone help me... I don't know if I can pull myself back together long enough...

Update:

my parents will prolly refuse to watch it or the oprah thing >.>; but i'll watch it for my own personal advice maybe it will give me some ideas... or at least hope...

Update 2:

I should have added that I'm 22 years old now... thank you for advice so far...

7 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The first thing I would suggest is to get in touch with your local/nearest LGBT outreach program and ask for information on area gender therapists you can see. many understand how hard it is for you at this time financially and are willing to work with you on a sliding/prorated pay scale. Not all but many I have had contact with while working with an outreach program myself have shown they will do this. Secondly by all means try to put yourself in a situation which will allow you to be as self sufficient as possible before going deep into transition- by that I mean beginning your Real life experience. To make a bit of a comparison Entering transition is like building a house, start with a strong foundation and then start framing before doing all the finish work. I know from personal experience that once you start the process and know you are on your way you will feel better and relieve some of the anxiety you are likely feeling. be aware that it is going to be pricey so having the ability to support yourself and cover all the costs is pivotal as insurance isn't going to help with much more than therapy and that is assuming the dr. seeing you is willing to write up the sessions as depression treatment or something rather than a gender related issue. Once you have had several to a dozen sessions with a therapist (depending on their policy) you can get a referral to an MD for a physical and then a ref. from him to an endocrinologist for a consult to begin hormone therapy. It sounds like a pain but it's for your safety and the potential to maximize the treatment benefits. The physical changes from hormones can be hidden quite easily for some time, and no your parents don't need to know until you're ready to tell them as you are an adult. The cost of HRT can vary depending on the scrips and dosages. I know some people that covered it for $100+/mth, mine was around $240/mth. Hair removal can be begun at anytime and is also pretty easy to mask but it's no picnic nor cheap. An hour of electrolysis from a licensed pro can run anywhere from $40 - $80/hr depending on where you live. Some places may offer it cheaper but beware as done improperly it can lead to scarring and pitting of the skin. laser is an option but generally not as effective unless you have very dark hair and pale skin. Just an FYI almost anything you see online claiming "Simple/fast/painless" hair removal is garbage. Save your money. There are likely going to be legal issues with a name change- changing your name on everything, licennse, diplomas, birth certificate, bank accounts, etc....As you've seen already family and friends can be less than receptive. For some it just takes time to make the adjustment, it can be hard on them too. For some there will never be enough time. It can be lonely if you let it be. As for expenses in total- I can't really gauge what it will cost you but an idea of what it ran me for a 4 year transiton is around this neghborhood:

    Hormone therapy- $11,500

    electrolysis- $9,500

    trachael shave (reduction of adams apple)- $3,700

    Breast augmentation-$4,3OO

    new wardrobe- $8,700 ( I Like nice things)

    Gender therapy- $1,200

    Legal- $1,400

    Money wasted on failed femminizing products- $700-$1,000

    Reassignment Surgery- $14,200 (Done abroad) can be significantly higher in the U.S.

    Misc.- approx$1,500

    approximate total- $57,000

    That breaks down to about $14k/yr or almost $1200/mth so you can see being employable helps. This isn't meant to scare you off by any means. Your costs may be lower. Everyone is different and needs/desires different levels of change and works on a different timetable. While I could have saved money combining procedures I chose to take each seperately. HRT can vary wildly depending on scrips. Electrolysis also varies quite a bit as do the fringe or intangible costs. I know people that have gotten it all done under $25k. Nothing says it has to be done overnight nor should it be, that is why there are well defined standards of care in place.

    I understand it can all seem so overwhelming and the need to do everything now can feel so strongly, but there is no rush. As I said, once you start the journey if it is right for you, you will feel better because you realize there is resolution on the horizon. The most important thing is to get help from qualified professionals, set your life in order so that you are emotionally, mentally, and financially prepared to begin the journey, and to have positive support from somewhere. Everyone needs somoene to lean on and during something so major as this you will too. I'm not going to say it's easy or everyday is a ball of sunshine, but if this is what you know you NEED to be a happy contented person then it is worth doing. Nobody, not on here, not out in the real world can tell you who you are or what you feel or need to be happy. Only you know that. Take what you find in forums here or elsewhere with a grain of salt. Stay positive. All the things you're feeling are normal, you're not the first or last to go through it. take your time, be sure of each step, and do things safely.

    Source(s): been there, done it
  • 1 decade ago

    The feelings of isolation and being alone are very common. There are alot of others out there that have gone through what you are now feeling.

    Gender transistion is not easy. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and in many ways still doing. One of the things I say when it come to transition is... expect to loose everything, all your friends, family, job.. everything... and what you do not loose is such a blessing. You know your true friends.. the people you can trust.

    It also is not cheap. Back when I started... 10 years ago... I had a good job and insurance... well.. the meds were not covered. The therapy was not covered, the blood tests were not covered... It was very expensive. But, it can be done with budgeting and work.

    As for sticking it out with your parents. Well, depends upon you and your parents, but keep in mind... You will need to go to a gender therapist to get the referal for hormones. This may take some time... 6 months to a year possibly. It could be 3 years or longer before surgery.. that also depends upon how old you are.

    One other thing to think about. While you are in therapy... you will learn ways of trying to express yourself to your parents so they gain some understanding. There are also resources for parents. PFLAG is one of the best and it is almost everywhere.

    It really is something to think about... I always recommend to have a plan to support yourself, and be self sufficent. You will need to be anyway when you transition... I have also heard that university can be a postive place to transition. Support groups and most of the staff have diversity training.

    Good luck girl. It is the greatest journey of your life... how you build that foundation will make all the difference on how you survive after transition.

    Source(s): My life.
  • 1 decade ago

    Hi Claudia,

    Do find someone to talk to in person. This is the best thing I can suggest for now. Ideally this should be a Psychiatrist who has knowledge of Gender Dysphoria.

    As for you parents not supporting you at present, this is a big issue for us all. You need to explain things in a way that is not too detailed and doesn't introduce too many new things for them to worry about.

    Explain to them that this is something real, not made up, and how much it would mean to you if they would support you.

    As for your finances, it would be unfair to expect them to pay for everything. Getting and keeping a well paid job that is going to pay for everything is going to be hard. Lots of overtime and late hours will help. I would suggest that working in a shop front would be a difficult choice as it would encourage the Luddites to visit you whenever you are there.

    Also join a support group on the Internet. There are plenty around. A good one for the USA is TS Woman.

    If there is a group that you can meet locally this would be a really good option too. There are more Trans people around than people realise.

    Good luck.

  • Kat
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    hmmm...I really don't know what to tell you because I really not you and im not in your situation and I'm not a trans. But from what I read, you said that you really can't stand being in a guys body any longer. okay. but honestly. let's put things in perspective. It might be hard but if I were you, I would wait just a few years from now to start on this whole process. for now, I think the best thing to do would be to live your life like this for another few years, until you have settle things down, until you are done with school and have a job with some money and are no longer depending on your parents. But first, try to talk to your parents and to persuade them. It is a HUGE decision and a huge process so you might want to really think things through. I wish you the best of luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Honey I know exactly how you feel. I used to feel like a girl in a boys body and I couldn't stand it. Now some days I wake up and I feel happy and comfterble with being female and other days I wake up and I'm "a man" and I throw on some baggy clothes. It's normal to feel this way. I have a homo-sexual friend who feels like he should be a woman. Your parents WILL most likely come around and accept you the same as me and my friends parents did. Just calm down. Everything WILL be fine.

  • 1 decade ago

    For real advice go to youtube and search for the 20/20 special they did on transexuals and have your parents watch it also Oprah did a show weeks ago on it too. Good luck and I wish the best during your transition.

  • 1 decade ago

    Alot of how much money you need depends on how your body is now, I was able to convince people I was female with very little effort before hormones, so I have spent very little money having to change as I didn't need facial surgery or electrolysis. What you need to do is find a therapist who knows about gender issues and talk to them, they can help you gain the support of your family as well as figure out what you need to do in order to be happy. Please e-mail or IM me, I changed my name and took hormones at 19, at 20 I live totally as a girl and am planning SRS before 21, so please talk to me if you think I can help.

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