Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles Β· 1 decade ago

Famous beer quotes?

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

-- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

-- Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

-- Paul Hornung

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.

-- H.L. Mencken

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

-- George Bernard Shaw

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

-- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

-- Dave Barry

Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.

-- W.C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

-- Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!

-- Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

"This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

"That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

21 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Burp!

  • 1 decade ago

    A beer in the hand is worth two in the fridge.

    How does a man show that he's planning for the future?

    He buys two cans of beer instead of one.

    I drink to make other people interesting. (Dave Barry.)

    How to impress a woman:compliment her,cuddlle her,kiss her, caress her,love her,tease her,comfort her,hug her,hold her,spend money on her,wine and dine her,listen to her,care for her,stand by her,support her,go to the ends of the earth for her.

    How to impress a man:Turn up naked with beer.

  • Roxie
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    That's where the expression "beer goggles" comes from. After enough beer, anyone looks good.

  • 1 decade ago

    Dont forget Homer Simpson -

    Alcohol - the cause and solution to all of lifes problems

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  • 1 decade ago

    Best one I heard was from Dean Martin (I think).

    "When sober people wake up they know it's the best they are going to feel all day".

    "When I wake up with a hangover I know things can only get better"!

    Sheer brilliance

  • karen.
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    sorry got no quotes for you but,went out with my lover on Monday and i took him to a traditional Irish pub,i ordered him a pint of ginnius he took a sip and says thats a lovley cup of tea!!!doctors appointment on monday,obviously going mad.

  • 1 decade ago

    My favourite:

    'You cannot call yourself a country unless you brew a beer & have an airline. ... But especially the beer. ' (Frank Zappa)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ha ha ha i'm just about to send mrs smarty to buy me a support group as long as she doesn't come back with those fricking osmonds.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hahhahahaaaa, i think i better start drinking again hahaha

  • 1 decade ago

    Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

    --Catherine Zandonella

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