i have fears that society will outcast me, judge me, reject me, ostracize me because of my long mental health?
record, that im tarnished, brandished, and that ill have a stigma whereever i go...that ill be stopped from fullfilling my lifes ambitions of moving away from the uk, emigrating, building a new life far off...
that ill be blocked from accessing the things in society that others can...that im bound in britain where ill like it or not.. that no one will have anything to do with me, because of my past & my mental health record.....the fact i have borderline personality disorder,& that i used to have rage problems....i feel as a 30 year old, 'that' might of tarnished me forever....ill never have any friends or happiness or the life i want...because ill be percieved by people as a troubled character to stay away from.
what can i do now? can i overcome it?
or do i forever have a label & im tarnished?
i feel theres people outthere who have already rubbished who i am as a person, discredited me..misportrayed me to others.
so how can i come back from that? most people would just give up
but i still go on believing there could be hope.
more fool me huh?
the answers here are all fabulous, im extremely greatfull, i felt i had to put the answers to the vote.
thankyou all so much
i felt it would be unfair to pick one best one.
thankyou so much
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
There are always going to people who outcast you, judge you, reject you & ostracize you, no matter what your circumstances. That's just the way of the world. I could go on & on about that subject, but I won't because in the end, it still holds true.
All you can do is be the best YOU that you can be right now. Anything you do to improve yourself would be helpful, long mental health record or not. Go to school & take some classes. Learn to paint or play in instrument - do something you've never done before, but always thought about in the back of your mind. Improve yourself, improve your mind. Volunteer somewhere that needs help - a hospital, a nursing home, a church, anywhere that needs help. Even if it's just for an hour or two, for one day or evening a week. You can help someone learn how to read, you could help re-shelve books in a library, the list is almost endless. You will feel so much better about yourself, and other will see you in a different light as well.
I know absolutely nothing about the legalities in the UK. But I'm almost positive that if you start questioning people who DO know about it, that you'll at least find out what exactly it is that you might be facing in trying to move out of the country. The fear of the unknown is great. I'm in the US, and if I wanted, I could call up any attorney in the telephone directory, and ask them a few questions, and they'd let me know what I needed to know. From that point, I would be able to determine if I'd need an attorney to proceed or not. Perhaps your doctor could provide you with information.
I know it's scary to want something & suspect that you'll never be able to have it. It's scarier to actually work on finding out for certain, one way or another, if you'd ever be able to achieve it. But once you do, it's like you've been freed from a prison. There's probably 3 directions that information could take you at this point. One would be the answer of a flat out "NO", telling you that you cannot now or ever in the future leave the country & enter another. In which case you would have to re-evaluate your life, setting your sites on another dream perhaps. The second direction would be "YES", you can go, just get a passport & whatever else is required to leave a country & go to live in another permanently. The third direction that finding out what is possible could take is possibly get something on paper from your doctor, stating that you've been under his care for X number of years & are doing well (not saying you're cured, but that under medication you're not a threat to yourself or anyone else). If something like that is possible, then it is something that may take a while, but definitely worth working towards. And so that gives you the 3 choices of yes, no, or maybe so. And knowing where you stand is so much easier on you than staying in the dark and never knowing.
Now I've got some questions for you - is there no privacy law protecting someone who is diagnosed with mental health issues there? Is there a stamp on you or do you have to wear an ID that marks you as someone with mental problems? Do you have to notify neighbors within a certain radius of your home, to let them know what problems you have? Are you limited to only a handful of possible jobs because you've had mental health problems before? Did you take counseling or therapy or a class to get your rage issues under control? Do you refresh yourself on that information on a regular basis to help prevent a relapse? Do you check in with a counselor/therapist/instructor every so often, to see if there's any new ways to handle your anger? Whatever your problems are, there are almost always ways they can be dealt with to minimize them, making you an acceptable member of society.
I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that unless you go out of your way to tell people about your problems/issues, most of them won't be aware of them at all. If you are still living where you were when the problems began, then the people there (if it's a small place) will probably always remember that you were the one that lost control & screamed someone down in the middle of a shop. Or worse; I'm just trying to make a point. People will remember the bad things much longer than good things. And they're always quick to point it out to you, too. It might be better if you moved a couple hundred miles (kilometers?) away and start a new life where no one knows you.
And don't worry about how people perceive you, wherever you are. Just keep on being the best that you can be now, & don't give anyone anymore reason to talk about you behind your back than they already have. Oh my, I seem to have written a novel here. Apologies, but I meant well.
- Cat SLv 41 decade ago
But you haven't given up. That should be something you remember when you feel all is lost. I wish I could give you more encouraging words but sometimes life is hard and something we have to endure in order to grow, to become stronger.
You should leave these negative expectations you have of yourself and that you perceive other people of having of you behind, like a snake sheds its skin. You are an interesting and insightful person who is a little bit lost right now and these labels you have been given are holding you back. You didn't ask to have BPD, so you shouldn't feel bad about being the way you are, and besides, its not who you are as a person.
Reputations are funny things that we really have no control over and I think rather than being tied down to the stereotype of being tarnished/troubled character, focus on your own personal integrity instead.
I'm not going to pretend there isn't such a thing as stigma against those of us with the bad luck to have a mental illness but that's something that reflects on the unenlightened cretins perpetuate myths and misinformation about mental illness and use it justify their behavior. The way they behave is their problem, not a fault or flaw of yours.
You will get through this.
- AngelLv 44 years ago
You know, this is a good question. I would suppose it's because their is a stigma that mental health issues get in this country because the brain is an organ that is not easily understood by the general masses. Behavioral issues seem to be thought of generally as something that is "your fault" as apposed to being an illness like heart disease which is thought of as no one's fault. If a woman has mental health issues from being raped by her father when she was young and these issues lead to her becoming a prostitute or a porn actress then she is just labeled as a common tramp and everyone moves on without thinking to address the underlying cause of the behavior. However, if a man smokes, binge drinks, and eats Mcdonald's cheese burgers for 40 years and then comes down with cancer. Then for some reason this man should be allowed all the attention and research in the world. It seems to me that the former example at the root is caused by something that happened against a person's will, while the latter example is caused by choice. Yet we seem to be so much nicer to the person that makes a bad choice. Now of course, the latter example of poor eating habits and smoking probably stem from the way that person was taught to live by their parents and can really be considered a behavioral issue at the heart of it as well, it just seems to be that some behavioral issues are more common and popular and tend to get more positive attention and research done as a result. I agree with you on the point that mental health needs to be addressed very early and more research needs to be done so that some of these bad choices can be averted. Imagine if we were able to drive down health costs by introducing a pill that made people want to quit smoking and quit eating crap all day. That would save us money in the long run on cancer treatments and diabetic treatments and make us all better off.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You've posted before about leaving the UK--so do it! Nothing should stop you if you feel like this about it. Go somewhere new where no one knows your record.
Otherwise, it's absolutely possible to overcome your tarnished reputation in the meantime. When I found out that I was Bipolar, my mom nearly pooped herself. "You don't want to be labeled that way! Make sure that psychiatrist of yours knows what she's doing! Something like this could ruin your life--who wants to be friends with a crazy person?" However, that was a fear that belonged only to someone who knew nothing about mental illness. You'll always run into people in your life that think less of you for being mentally ill, who think that it's something you can help, it's what is generally called 'folk psychology'. This is where people are like "Oh god, everyone's depressed, suck it up," or "Wow, she's bipolar, she must be freakin' crazy! Son, you can't play with her after church anymore, she might slit your throat on a wild and crazy manic rampage!" This is a completely misinformed stance. To those you care about, explain what's going on, and explain you're getting help and are medicated, and they won't really care (especially if they're intelligent and care about you in the slightest). To the rest--**** 'em. You're you and there's nothing you can do about it. Yes, you have a label and sometimes it feels like you're walking around town with an "IM MENTALLY ILL" sign on your forehead, but it goes back to something very basic--if we were all the same, life would be pretty damn boring.
Make new friends and get involved in a new circle until you can get on with your dreams and get out of the UK. There are more people where you live than the group that knows you're borderline and have anger issues. Be straight with these friends, but also reassure them that it doesn't mean you're going to punch them in the face if they ask how your sick mom is doing. And no, most people would NOT give up, so quit telling yourself that. Most people, who don't have a mental disorder, would get out there and find new friends who didn't mess around with your rep. However, you feel this way because you DO have a mental disorder, and your cognitive processes aren't the same as all these 'normal' people running around. But realize that giving up isn't an option.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
There is HOPE. Mental illness and society has come a long way. Many years ago, people who suffered from mental illness were put away in mental hospitals for fear. Today mental illness is more understood and not feared. If you walked the streets you would be very surprised at just how many people do suffer from some kind of mental illness, depression, bi-polar etc.... People who put you down because of your history are not worth your time and energy.
Lift your head high, and go out there and live your life to the fullest.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Alot of us without a mental health disorder struggle with those issues. I worried about being judged from being a single mom, how I grew up, lots of mistakes from my past that I cant outrun. Nothing "tarnishes " you forever and you can overcome anything. Choose to rise above things, the only thing in this life you have control over is how you react to things. I have had MAJOR anger issues in my life and I have taught myself that I cannot do anything about others, but I can have control in how I handle it. We all have some fear of judgement or labeling, it's just part of our insecurities. Work on reaffirming all the good things about you to yourself to where you feel alot more sure of yourself. Then, other's alleged perceptions of you won't matter to you so much. We ALL have something in our lives that we worry about. If you are so worried that you will never be accepted because of your past behavior, maybe relocate to a new area where you can start with a brand new, fresh slate and make a new start. It may help your confidence alot to not go into a situation with that worry of ," Who all here knows about my past anger issues, borderline personality,etc? ". It isn't considered "running away" to want to make a fresh start anew. Good luck to you.
- TwistyLv 41 decade ago
You need to have a serious think here. How can you say you want to emigrate, then say you'll never have friends? That would make you pretty miserable if you think like that. forget about the past, you can't change it. just set out to make sure that you do things right from now on. You are only 30- who's to say that things won't get better from now on? Also, don't think that people will judge you-not everybody's like that. Concentrate on your strengths, and think about what you want to achieve. As for people who have discredited you, ignore them and just continue to prove them wrong. who cares what they think anyway? You know that your biggest enemy is yourself, and your self-doubt. There's nothing wrong with you that people can see, so try not to worry. I think you have some way to go before you can think about moving abroad, just take it one step at a time.Source(s): Life long depression sufferer
- 1 decade ago
Does "society" have to know all the details about your past and being BPD, etc....the only way for them to find out is for you to put a banner on a bus or train telling them that you have a mental illness. Just my opinion. It bothers me too, when I tell people about the cutting I used to do and all the od'ing....but i just move on like nothing was heard and all seems well. If you don't want people to know, then do not tell them. That goes along with anything else as well. Good luck to you, my friend.Source(s): Just my life experience
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i have learnt from dealing with people not to say anything. If they are igorant and haven't read about your condition or bother to read a book or go online and read about it. There not worth being your friend.And if you try to articulate your illness to them and they still don't get it they are not worth knowing. Plus, don't say it like there is something wrong with you because there isn't. People are results of our surroundings. If you experience abuse from a parent or a loved one that is not your fault. No child should be blamed for any abuse or mistreating. Adults should know better but they don't. Parents or guardians don't know the impact you cause on a child when you abuse them either verbally,emotionally, physically etc.
I believe mental illness is a product of prolonged abuse. Is it not your fault for being abused. So, its quite ignorant of people to mistreat you or disrespect you for being sick. I use to know a girl that was psychatrific and she became that way after having flash backs of her dad sexually abusing her. She managed to forgive him which i think it takes alot of courage to do that. But she did.
Any trauma big or small can harm the brain. Especially, if your senitive. So, be careful who you disclose because some people will love you for you and others will not.
- slashgirl_1984Lv 51 decade ago
If I, being Belgian and always having been perceived as odd, can survive on my own in a foreign country for 7 months, you can probably do better!
The good thing about moving to a new country is no one knows you; they won't know about your past problems unless you decide to tell them.
I only came back because I kept losing my job and they found out later why - apparently, I have a mild form of autism spectrum disorder, PDD-NOS to be exact.
Even after getting the diagnosis, I've not given up on my dream to go back to Ireland someday, so why should you give up on yours?