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shasta asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

Is it possible to seek professional help that will change the way you feel about something?

Right or Wrong. Good or Bad. Rational or Irrational. I have a problem. I have made an appointment with a psychologist to deal with my problem.....but what can I expect?

Here is my issue: Porn hurts me. It damages my self-esteem, my pride, my trust. My husband and I have talked about it...and he can keep himslef away from it (for my sake) for a few months at a time, but I feel will always be drawn to it. I do not feel that he is deviant, or sick...I understand that many men do not have to give it up in their relationships. Each relationship is different. For what it's worth, I wish I was okay with it. I wish I could flip a switch and have no problems...I wish I could be that cool wife... I have tried. I have reasoned with myself. I have tried to make myself think diffferently-- can a psychiatrist change the way you think and feel? Is there hope?

Can they fix me??

Note: My husband is a wonderful man, a great father, and my best friend...this is our ONLY problem.

8 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes there is hope and it can be fixed,but,maybe your husband needs to get a little fixing also.The problem has to be fixed by working from both ends.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not just you, as a man I might find it nice to occasionally look at a nice nude photo, but not allot.

    But like you my wife doesn't care for it. It's partly the men's fault, if we were strong enough and felt like our marriage was great and couldn't want anything else then pron shouldn't be part of his life.

    An occasional look is only natural, as it would be for a women.

    I mean like a nice looking guy or gal laying have nude on the beach or something of the sort.

    But to surf the web for porn and your married either means that he's not satisfied with his marriage or love life, or he has a problem that too needs some counseling.

    I might suggest that you go to your appointment, but I might also add that perhaps you and your husband consider some marital counseling together. I think that this will help bring out the deep seated reason behind the pron issue.

    Don't take this wrong i am not saying that your not got in the sack, but perhaps he wants something different, or kinky or even wants you to be more aggressive.

    These are things you need to work on together, all the medical help in the world isn't going to change your feelings about this issue, and if continues it's only going to strain your marriage and jeopardize your children's futures.

    MY warmest Regards.

  • 1 decade ago

    no they can not 'fix' you

    therapy is designed to get to the reason fro your feelings, thoughts etc not make them go away

    dont go to a psychiatrist or psychologist expecting them to turn you into a different person or with different beliefs and feelings

    thats not what they do

    only you can change yourself, only you can accept yourself and your problems

    therapy only makes changing yourself, OR accepting yourself something you can do better and easier with the knowledge of why it happens, why you feel that way, what has caused your self esteem issues, trust issues etc

    psychiatry is not a cure

    its a helping hand to figure out some answers

    to enable you to do the work (ie deal with your issues) with the knowledge you were missing before

    you obviously have self esteem issues as you willingly admit, thats the problem

    and psychology and psychiatry can hep you figure out why you feel that way

    why you have those issues with porn inparticular

    porn is just an addition of sexual attraction, sexual feelings

    that we all have

    we all look at men on tv and say mmm hes abit of alright

    then go hav ea fantasy about him

    or about someone else

    porn is just that but physical

    you and your husband need to come to some arrangement

    i can say asking him to not watch it at all is really not fair

    it wouldnt be fair if it was you being told/asked and forcing yourself to stay away from something you need to do or that takes the egde off

    its a sexual release, but its still a release

    and if you take away one release it has to be replaced with another or will result in usually built up aggression, anger hostility and even depression

    agree on something that works for both of you

    maybe ask him to not do it at certain times or you could work on doing something physical that involves some of the fantasies revolving around the porn he watches

    also porn is not a man thing, woman can get enjoyment out of it too, many women in a relationship enjoy porn the same as any man in a relationship

    its just a social misconception its only men

    sex is for both men and woman

    always remember that its only woman on a tv, on a video, woman he will NEVER get to meet

    he would run a MILE if he did ever meet them because its fantasy and most fantasy's are better as just that

    they will NEVER compare to you

    he LOVES you

    its likely just a stress or sexual release

    and thats totaly natural and harmless

    its only harmfull if he does it constantly

    if he cant go without it, NEEDs to do it

    goes off to do it at every opportunity

    then he would need some help

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You seem to want change but do not know how. If your psychiatrist is good, he/she will ask questions that will get you to think about how you form your thoughts, feelings, and opinions. You will learn to isoltae the problem(s) within yourself. Only when you realize what your fears are, will you be able to face these fears and overcome. Maybe someday, you will come home with some fresh new porn for you and your husband to watch together. You might even enjoy it more than he does. Good luck!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    The way you feel about porn is normal for any woman. It's called jealousy. And, if the "cool wives" were honest with themselves, there would be jealousy there, too. At least it's just porn and not an actual woman. Maybe he's watching it to get a few more ideas to please you in the bedroom. I don't care if my husband watches porn, but I do admit that I am jealous of it. It's normal for men, I think. You can try a shrink, but there's no guarantee that'll work. If that is your only problem in your marriage, I would just let it go and get over it once I expressed my concern to my husband. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I must confess that I used to be a porn addict. I will wake up at 6 O'clock in the morning and watch porn video until late in the day and like every addiction, the more I watch, the more porn I desired. That was until I gave my life to Jesus about 21 years ago. The desire for porn stopped and now I hate porn with a passion. The grip of pornography is over-powering and there is nothing one can do on his own, it is only God that can deliver the addict. Don't despise your husband, he is just hooked on to something he has little control over. Pray for him. The psychiatrist can offer some assistance but the real solution will result on your dependence on God.

  • 1 decade ago

    Of course therapy can help.

    My concern is that you say that this is your AND your husband's only problem but you think YOU are the only one who needs 'fixing'.

    How about if he gets some help that will enable him to put you first over this thing that hurts you?

    And how about you get some help that will enable you to give yourself permission to feel as you do about a very unhealthy situation in your relationship?

    This is NOT 'your' problem, it is 'y'all's' problem (excuse my southern drawl).

  • 1 decade ago

    You aren't ok with it because it is NOT OK.

    If your husband is seeking and/or finding sexual fulfillment ANYWHERE outside your marriage, it is cheating. And if he "can't stay away", he has a sexual addiction. That isn't about YOU, that is about your HUSBAND.

    Your reaction is APPROPRIATE.

    Couples counseling (and individual therapy for your spouse) is in order here.

    It is NOT YOU that is the problem.

    Hang in there,


    p.s. I encourage you to read the book (and have your spouse read it) called "Every Man's Battle".

    Source(s): occupational hazard
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