Why doesn't he call?

I know this is the oldest problem in the book, but I met a guy I really like, we have great times together , and although we've dating a while, he doesn't want to spend the night, doesn't call when he says he will, and seems to be out with some "old friend" alot. I don't want to fall in love, because I'm afraid he's jerking me around, but we have more in common than anyone I've been with. I am not asking for a commitment, but I don't want to see anyone else.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He doesn't call because you make it so easy on him that he is not worried about holding on to your relationship.

    It also sounds like he is little bit immature.

    ===

    But I am not recommending that you play "difficult to get" head games. Talk with him (if you are at that stage) and let him know how you feel (about him and about neglected or not called). But also let him know that if he need time and space that OK too (and you have to mean what you say).

    But also let him know that you can't be waiting for him forever (it is just human fact). People tend to work harder at achieving or retaining what is fleeting. It is something like "grab now and ask questions later" thinking.

    But that is not to say play games, just let him know how it really is.

    ===

    One last thing: ask yourself if you are a needy person. My pastor once (OK more than once) said that everybody want to find that Mr. Right (or Miss Right). But he is not seeing too many people working on being Mr. Right (or Miss Right). Nobody can love you if you are not a lovable person. If you don't love yourself (and like who you are) then nobody else can - or at least it is very difficult.

    Look at yourself and ask what are your good points and bad points. I used to talk too much and not listen to others. Now I try VERY hard to be a listener (and not always voice my opinions unless asked). Now at church I sometime have too many people call me because I am such a good listener.

    So look into self improvement. And in general try to be a happy person. Everybody like to be with the happy person. I know that is a tall order, but it is still the truth (that everybody want to be with the happy person).

    Good Luck - and be happy (happier).

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  • Hold on! What do u exactly want?? Let me break up ur problems into different parts:

    1. U like a guy & u've been dating for a while but he doesnt want to spend a night with u ---Seems like a good guy since he is not playing with ur body. I dont see any issues in it.

    2. Doesnt call u when he sayz he 'll -- Nothing wrong in it, i myself have 4gotten number of times. No Offense.

    3. Seems to be Out with some old friend alot -- U need 2 rethink why he is spending time with his friend & not u.

    4. I dont want to fall in love?? --- Xcuse me? If u dont wanna fall in love then what kind of relationship do u have with him? I dont think u need 2 waste ur & his time on this r/s.

    5. I'm afraid he is jerking me around -- lol ..No he is not jerking u around, u urself aint ready 4 commitment ,,,u urself dont wanna fall in love..why the **** would this guy care about u? I dont see any point..ur giving him ur cold shoulder thats why he prefers to stay away from u in the company of his old friend & not urself... U got major issues.

    6. We have more in common than anyone i've been with -- lol ..yeah right! if u had then u wudnt be facing this problem & u wudnt b here on Y!A asking for advice.

    7. Im not asking for commitment --- Whoa! Are u insane? If u are not asking for commitment then why would ur bf be there 4 u when u r not there 4 him? If u are not asking for commitment then whats all this fuss about??? U urself dunno what u want..ehh U got issues.

    8. But i dont wanna see anyone else -- Cuz any one else would not be interested in dating u since u have got major issues so this guy still likes u in a way & u dont have any other option whatsoever. So dont mess it up.

    Jesus Christ some ppl!!! ahhh

    Source(s): Sane Friends
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  • 1 decade ago

    Make him miss you. Keep an active social life so he knows just how exciting you are. Let him know that you are interested in him. His friend is old news. There is some reason that they aren't official anymore. Ask a few questions to gain a better understanding about how he feels. Slow down. Take time to do things right. He is probably feeling the same way about you as you do him. You aren't alone here. By not wanting a commitment, you leave alot of room for growth. Keep your eyes on the field.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think he just one of those jerks that's hitting the bush. He's not ready to stay or make committment or even have a gf. Just because you guys have a lot in common, it doesn't mean that you have to sit home and wait for his call. He probably know you have nothing better to do than to wait for him. He can show up anytime and you will be there.

    I bet you are a great person and have a lot of things to offer to other guys. I am sure you can find another guy who also have a lot in common just like the previous guy. Trust me, don't wait for his jerk to come back. I think you deserve someone better.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you are confuse in diffirentiate a boy friend, crush and a lover. Well I tell you the truth none of them above. Jerking around is different just playing between two kids in a play ground. If his serious, talk about relationship. Let see where it will go to.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Not to break your heart or anything but this does sound alot like he's messing around with other women. I don't know him personally so im not saying he is but the way hes acting its a little suspicious. Your best bet would be to sit him down and have a conversation with him or ask to meet his "old friend" or even ask to go with him sometime. If he finds an excuse or the friend sudenly "moves away" he is propobly messing around. Try calling him when he is with his "friend" sometime.

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  • 1 decade ago

    and that's what he is doing,jerkin you around,he ain't serious about being with you.he ain't out with an old buddy guy,he's out with an old buddy girlfriend or new girlfriend,shall i add.you say you don't want to fall in love,well you are in love and you just don't know it yet.wait till you find out what he is really doing and you will be hurt more than you can ever know.pull back slowly he isn't interested in being with you or around you because if he wanted to be there he would spend the night and wouldn't spend so much time out with his "old friend".

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sometimes guys have a problem when it comes to dealing with women. We expect to be called and we expect the guys to pay attention to us and if his behavior annoys you confront him, tell him your thoughts and see what his response is -- if he is evasive and skirts the issues then I suggest find someone who is respectful enough to call you and decent enough to treat you well.

    This 'old friend' seems like a cover - either to spend less time with you or more time with someone else.

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  • Crypt
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    It's nice that you don't want to see anyone else... But if you don't want HIM to see anyone else then you're asking for a commitment.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, as you said, you are not asking him for a commitment, then so be it. When guys say "I'll call you later", they mean it and then they forget about it.

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