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Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 1 decade ago

Why can formula-feeding mommies be so mean?

I know that breastfeedign mommies can come on strong too, but they never post things on here that are 'mean' until I see a poster say formula is 'just as good' or their kid is 'just as healthy'. If this was he case...would anyone even bother to breastfeed? I guess maybe it makes formula-feeding mommies feel better to think these things...but the fact that it's proven that they're not equal like that seems to totally just, slip the mind? It just gives formula-feeding mommies seem like they feel...inadequate or they're second-guessing themselves.

I don't know...I'm not knocking anyone, I'm just wondering...why the bitterness?

Update:

Also, I don't get why they say 'my kid's just as healthy as my friend's who breastfeeds'. It doesn't matter...studies look at groups, not your kid compared to your friend's.

Or 'my brother was breastfed and has allergies, and I was formula fed and am healthy!' Well, allergies/asthma is genetic too, and nothign can prevent that soemtimes.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    i feel exactly the same! i have come to the conclusion that a lot of mothers are actually jealous of those who breastfeed. i am still feeding my 16 month old and have enjoyed every bit of it. i only was able to feed my first son for about six weeks because he had a lot of blood sugar problems and to keep the levals right i had to feed every 30 mins for 5 mins, it was crazy but i gave it a good crack. unfortantly my milk dried up because of the short feeds but six weeks is better than none!

    i had a number of friends that were pregnant at the same as me but only one breastfed and coincedently that is the only one i hear from! i think my age also contributed to this. i am 21 and most of these people were in their 30's at least, i think they thought that because i am a young mum that i shouldnt care about this sort of thing...silly! i find even when i am in a baby room or something that mothers that come in to warm bottles up send off an unpleasent vibe and if you dont chose to go and sit in one of the itty bitty rooms that smell like dirty nappies half the time that are for breastfeeding you should just see their faces! mortified! i always thought that maybe they were worried i was going to just hang my boob out or something but now i just think that its like a blow to their ego.

    if a woman honestly cant feed, well im not critical of them so i dont get why women who choose not to feed are critical of us that do breastfeed...if that makes sense!

    i always hear women that do not breastfeed complain about being hassled into feeding but it is not harrasment, it is encouragement...women dont need that to prepare a bottle!!!

    breastfeeding is selfless i think, although i enjoy it because it is the best for my babies it is not always pleasent,as im sure you are aware LOL!

    other than all of that you should see womens opinions when they find out that my son is 16months and still breastfed! they look at me like im sick or something! people can be so narrow minded, its so fustrating,grrr! it is completely normal in other parts of the world! i am so sick of hearing "is he going to be coming home from school at lunch time for booby?" and other stupid jokes like that!

    anyway, back to the question.my answer is that i think its jealously. they are jealous because they know its better, because they know that it is their decision not to and because of the support most normal people give a breastfeeding mother...ok, im done LOL! :)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Because everyone wants to feel like they are doing the best for there child and not what is best for them. The don't want to feel inadequate. I had severe depression for some reason when I was pregnant, my doctors told me that I should not breastfeed because with the hormones that I would probably continue in depression. I do not know if that is true or not, but I did not breastfeed and after giving birth the depression left. I wish I would have tryed but I did what I thought was best at the time. I am sure in most cases it is better to breast feed I think that is a known fact. I think if I have another child I will try. People just get very angry if you question there stand on anything, not just breastfeeding. Anytime you ask any kind of question on here some people get all defensive no matter the subject.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Great questions! Awhile back I posted a question about why people choose to breast- or bottle-feed, and people got downright nasty just because I said that personally I was *planning* to nurse but was still interested in at least knowing about formula (in case I couldn't for some reason). Instead I got ll sorts of you-don't-know-me-so-why-do-you-judge and you-think-you're-so-perfect. I didn't judge, I just asked. And yeah, people were passionate on either side. It was hard to choose a best answer because there was no one really neutral on it. I'm afraid there's no real middle ground. It's a topic almost as fraught as politics!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I am not a mother yet but if anything I think that breastfeeding Moms/advocates are the meaner set. Not all breastfeeding moms and advocates are mean, but some are. There is plenty of evidence to prove breastfeeding is better for baby. However, it is a Mom's choice and when it boils down to it you have to do what is right for your situation. The same also goes for the SAHM vs. Working Mom's debate. It's hard to judge someone when you haven't walked in their shoes. I am TTC and once it happens for me I will do what's best for my family and our situation period. Of course I want to breast feed and pump - but it may not work out and I'm okay with that. If a baby gets formula their physiological needs will be met, period. Just because someone can breastfeed successfully does NOT give them the right to have an "I'm better than you attitude" towards a formula feeding Mom (and vice versa of course). Some people want to feed formula from the get go, fine, let them do it! Don't give them crap over it as most have been educated enough already by their doctors. It is not neglect, the kid will survive. TOLERANCE people.

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is a hard question to answer. I, personally, don't think that "formula" feeding mom's are mean. And shouldn't be labeled as one kind of mother, either. I bottle feed my baby, and I know the benefits of breastfeeding as well as anyone. And my decision wasn't because I thought it would easier, or that I was just a selfish mother. When you choose to do something, it has to make YOU happy in order to make your child happy. And for some people, breastfeeding just isn't enjoyable. I know that some breastfeeding mommy's couldn't imagine that, and for that, your lucky. But, it doesn't mean that were second-class mothers.

    I am not an inadequate mother, and I don't think how you choose to feed your child determines how you are as a parent in the long run. When your child enters kindergarten, are they going to love you because you breastfed, or because you stayed in the parking lot, just so they wouldn't be alone?

    There are some mean-spirited posts about breastfeeding, and there are some mean-spirited ones about formula. And if you notice, most of these posts are from pretty much the same people. So, it isn't fair to bunch mother's into groups. When I meet new mothers, how they feed their child is never a question I ask. Because it doesn't define you as a mother.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I breastfed my first son. Not as long as I wanted but I did as long as I could. My second son was in the NICU for a while and I pumped milk for him. I was dead set on breastfeeding him too. I had no problems pumping for him while he was in the hospital but was worried

    that when he got out of the hospital that he wouldn't be able to latch on and get used to my nipple instead of a bottle nipple. This is what happened when he got home. He was early so he wasn't a good sucker and couldn't get the milk out. I tried at it and pumped but eventually my milk supply went way down. I was heart broken that I couldn't feed him how I wanted. I just get mad that most of the breastfeeding mom's on here act like all the bottle feeding mom's choose a bottle because they don't want the commitment, or think we are lazy, or we are bad mom's, or whatever. Some of us really did try to breastfeed. I don't care what anyone says but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way you want.

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  • I dont think it matters what the child is getting as long as the child is getting fed whether it be breast milk or formula. I am a formula feeder and give her breast milk sometimes and I dont feel like we are "mean" but we just get upset when it is OUR choice and the breast feeding mommies come onto our formula questions and just say "I wouldnt no I breastfeed and thats whats best" I feel like the breastfeeding moms make us feel bad for formula feeding. It is our choice and our child not for anyone else to worry about.

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  • 1 decade ago

    100% Everyone knows that Breast Feeding is better for the baby. Not all mommies have that option. One of my best friends chooses to use formula I love her... but I honestly think if you have the option-choosing not to breast feed is selfish.

    However, I don't think anyone wants to believe they aren't doing right by their child and so they choose to believe what they want to- (And a lot of people give them a hard time for not breastfeeding) They hear that a lot and are naturally trying to defend themselves and baby.

    This is just my best guess and opinion.

    I think the best thing people can do is to stop trying to change people's opinions on the matter and just embrace the people that do it our way, and share experences--- if their is turmoil. I'm sure their are docotors to guide them. I'm happy for you... and your breast feeding happiness hun. :D

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i think in general we are way too caught up with other people's opinions on our choices. the truth is, we need to stop criticizing other people's parenting choices and just do what is right for us according to our lifestyles and our doctor's medical advice.

    there are pros and cons to both nursing and formula feeding.

    I personally plan to nurse my son when he is first born, but I thought about formula feeding. the reasons that I thought about formula feeding were less selfish than you would imagine. I really didn't want the baby to be more bonded to me than he will be to be my husband because of the nursing bond. my husband will have to play an equal part in childcare once i finish my maternity leave. I work nights and he works days, so we are splitting things.

    I changed my mind because of the nutritional aspect and the cost aspect. I will see how it goes from there.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think that moms who breastfeed are great. I tried for 3 days and couldn't do it. Had to switch to formula. In my case my baby was better off with formula because I was drained from trying to breastfeed. I don't think that it makes that much of a difference from breasfeeding to formula, they have made formula as close to breastmilk as they can, but yes there is nothing better than breastmilk. I think everyone should do what they feel is best for them and there children and not worry so much about what others are doing.

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