If you are married to one person but you no longer have a real marriage and you are in love with someone else?

How do you tell this person that you are married but that it is in name only and not have them get the wrong idea.I don't want to hurt him because I never told him I have a husband but I don't want to lose him either.We live in different states and see eachother periodically.

8 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi Liz you have to sit down and open your hear to to your fella, be upfront with him explain that your in a love less marriage and that you didnt want to tell him for fear of losing him. If he truly cares for you he will be there to help you come through it, Dont delay Liz the sooner you tell him the better you will feel. And then you can get to the good part planning your future. just one question? how does you husband feel about your marriage? you will have to tell him that your unhappy and want to part you have to do the right thing by him as well.

  • Kc
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Well, if you truly love him, that's a risk you have to take. Let him make his choice knowing all the facts.

    It's very important.

    The chances are, he'll be hurt and very angry at you for not telling him the truth right from the start.

    Also, he might wonder what else you've been hiding from him. In short, he won't know whether to trust you or not.

    But, you'll feel better for telling him, and if he does stick around knowing the truth, then you'll know that he's a keeper.

    Having said that, what do you intend to do about the situation?

    Because, it's fine to say that it's in name only, so what are you still doing in a loveless and not proper marriage? Do you have children? Why not get a separation and then divorce if you are that sure that there's nothing left to work on?

    You can't have your cake and eat it.

    Is it just an affair you're after?

    Well, obviously you need to tell him the truth NOW and start thinking of what you want exactly, so that he knows where he stands.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why are you still married to this person when it is relatively easy to get a divorce? It's not like you don't know where he lives or don't see him. Staying married may be good as far as insurance goes short term, but it's not a good plan for the long term. Most people are put off when they are told that the person is still married, even if it is in "name only". They'll assume that they are getting played or that you still have feelings for each other. You should be up front & honest about this, but do not be surprised if you see this guy backing off or demanding that if the two of you continue the relationship that you get a divorce.

    You may have some benefits from being married (insurance), but it's better off if you go your seperate ways, especially if you are dating. You never know when your hubby may want to seperate & he may try to screw you over, saying that you were "unfaithful". Don't ever underestimate what people will do during a divorce- it can turn the nicest of people into monsters.

    Bottom line, if you want to have a relationship with this person-- or any person, you need to divorce the hubby. It's not fair to you, him, or anyone either of you dates.

    Source(s): My older sis was in a marraige by name only & dated. Her reason was that she couldn't afford the divorce & most times couldn't find her husband (he was on the run to avoid paying child support). Most of the guys she was dating were really turned off by the fact that she was still married & many have later said that they eventually stopped seeing her because they didn't believe that she was actually trying to get a divorce.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why does everyone say they "don't want to hurt them?". It hurts no matter which way you look at it. You can only be honest with him and tell him you have met someone else and you have feelings for that person. Stop beating yourself up over it.

    Heads up for my honesty and the thumbs down.

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  • geisha
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    why bother staying in a loveless marriage? why not ask for your husband for a divorce? once you are divorced you can have a proper relationship without feeling guilty of cheating on your husband...also all relationships should start out with a clean slate and not with the excess baggage of previous relationships...this will ensure the success of your new relationship...

  • Linni
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    How could he not get the wrong idea? What IS the wrong idea? You lied to him and cheated on the other guy. If you want to show him you are serious, divorce the first one. You are being selfish with the way you're doing things now.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This is a pickle. I think you purposely found someone a bit away because then it was safe for you. Now, when you actually began to care about the man you see that your marriage is a problem.

    Get a divorce. Then play around.

  • 1 decade ago

    you just need to tell the truth and ope if he cares for u aswell he will understand, tell me the reasons for not telling him, but u should of been honest in the first place

    good luck

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