a cheater is always a cheater. if they cheat on you, they will cheat on the next one too. if they cheat on their wives with you, when they hook up with you, they will not commit to not cheating on you. cheaters are not to be trusted. that's why i refuse to even meet a man that is married who claims that he lacks "x" in his marriage. all he is is a cheater who is so lazy that he will not do what it takes to make his marriage whole again. he is a user. he will use me and then go back to her. they pretend that the grass is greener on the other side, but only for a while. they get what they want from you with their tears and pity-me attitude, then go back to her. but i will bet you that they have NEVER told her about you. and never will, because it is the easy way out to not face your problems, just cheat.
as to male friends of mine that long ago were my lovers: if he is actively engaged in a relationship with another woman, i tell him if he calls that i will not go anywhere with him, not even for a cup of coffee. if he is entirely broken up with her and then reconsiders us as a couple and comes back, then it's different. i will not be part of any cheating, not on my side, not on his side.
why do you think one of the ten commandments is not to commit adultery? all the commandments are simple common sense rules. when it comes to cheating, when your partner learns of it, it stabs their heart to the middle. they say, "why did you do this to me? what did i do wrong?" and they never can trust again. that's why i will have absolutely nothing to do with cheating on either side, nor will i ever cheat.
1. in my 2nd marriage, i had a superior, viable, actual reason to cheat, but i did not. if i had, our divorce would have been one of those messes, because that one part of my marriage would not have been honored, and he would hate me.
2. i once had a lover cheating on his wife in the mist of their divorce. when he married the 2nd time (he did not ask me!), he then approached me to be his lover! cheaters are always cheaters.