married,forgive cheating vs BF cheating?

when people ask: should i forgive my partner for cheating, a lot of times people say, if you are married yes, because you committed, how contradicting is that. you married, committed, he isnt committed enough not to cheat but you should be to stay thru all this? i am not saying there is a better or worse when someone cheats, to me married or not you dont do it if you love someone. i never understood when people make such a difference about it. just wondered about the reaction of people when it comes to that subject. any insight?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Because when it is a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of situation, there isn't as much at stake (usually), as there is in a marriage. Lately though, lines have really begun to become blurred there. It used to be that when you were married, you generally had a family, and a home, and other joint assets and accounts, and you promise to stick together no matter what. Through good times and bad etc..... So trying to get over an affair just makes practical sense, and boyfriends/girlfriends were just that. They had no ties to one another. But any more people start buying houses together and having kids before they get married, or never get married at all.

    I agree cheating is cheating, but sometimes it depends on what else you have to lose. If you have a family and all that goes with it, I think you should try to give it another shot, before ripping all that apart, married or not, but if it's just the two of you and there is cheating, what is the point of trying to save something that is bad before you have a deeper commitment? If they cheat when it's just the two of you, you know it will be much more enticing when there's more responsibilities later on.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    the trouble is a women may forgive

    but she never forgets

    hence she never really forgives

    and with that a deterioration of the marriage and damage has been done and extremely hard to repair, and all marriages are based on trust and communication

    once those are broken

    all bets are off and it's only a matter of time before divorce sets in

    such a violation of trust is slap in the face to the other party and thus is generally non forgivable offense

    the constant wondering if is he/she seeing someone leads to paranoia and constant checks and balances, the other party senses this and both parties are on edge, divorce then becomes a welcome relief

    basically once that happens you must realize there were mistakes early on in a relationship and you forgave them

    that was the 1st mistake which why it leads to cheating

    cheaters always have in them and always reveal the behaviors long before any long term commitments

    the problem is the other party usually forgives the other for the flaws and signs in hopes of securing a commitment, this why others ( outsiders ) are better of spotting a bad person than the insider since they are not seeking the commitment and thus can judge a person better. the problem is so common that many BF/ GF eventually turn into marriages ( out of desperation ) when they never should have even been a BF/ GF to begin with much less married . divorce is a must needed correction to both parties so both can restart and re evaluate what mistakes they made in choosing a partner and commit NEVER to repeat such mistakes

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  • 1 decade ago

    Married or not, if you are in a relationship where you have agreed to be exclusive to only 1 partner then cheating is cheating. If you are a religious person then according to the bible cheating is wrong and married or not that is grounds for divorce / break-up. God is not a paper kind of guy. It is what is in your heart that he looks at. If 2 people have committed to each other there doesn't have to be a ceremony with paper signed for it to be binding in His eyes. So it is up to the 2 involved in the relationship as to whether they can be forgiven or not. If the one cheated on can forgive then they should. If they can not then they should not continue with the relationship.

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  • Pamela
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Looking is fine, a lot of guys look and it is a natural instinct. 2 1/2 years is quit a long time and have you ask yourself why he hasn't proposed yet? I am not saying your boyfriend is cheating, what I am saying is, he should have made an attempt to propose to you, if he is serious about this relationship. Sometimes guys cheat, because the relationship becomes boring and it's the same thing over and over again. You have to keep it interesting and work on your relationship all the time. Go with your feelings and if you think he is, than he might. Ask him!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I caught my hubby cheating last summer. I did not forgive. But am currently still married. We have kids and its hard to just leave. I do not trust him anymore and he knows it. So I guess when you are married, you try to give second chances. When no kids are involved and he is just your BF. Its like a warning on what is to come. So get out while you can.

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  • 1 decade ago

    a cheater is always a cheater. if they cheat on you, they will cheat on the next one too. if they cheat on their wives with you, when they hook up with you, they will not commit to not cheating on you. cheaters are not to be trusted. that's why i refuse to even meet a man that is married who claims that he lacks "x" in his marriage. all he is is a cheater who is so lazy that he will not do what it takes to make his marriage whole again. he is a user. he will use me and then go back to her. they pretend that the grass is greener on the other side, but only for a while. they get what they want from you with their tears and pity-me attitude, then go back to her. but i will bet you that they have NEVER told her about you. and never will, because it is the easy way out to not face your problems, just cheat.

    as to male friends of mine that long ago were my lovers: if he is actively engaged in a relationship with another woman, i tell him if he calls that i will not go anywhere with him, not even for a cup of coffee. if he is entirely broken up with her and then reconsiders us as a couple and comes back, then it's different. i will not be part of any cheating, not on my side, not on his side.

    why do you think one of the ten commandments is not to commit adultery? all the commandments are simple common sense rules. when it comes to cheating, when your partner learns of it, it stabs their heart to the middle. they say, "why did you do this to me? what did i do wrong?" and they never can trust again. that's why i will have absolutely nothing to do with cheating on either side, nor will i ever cheat.

    Source(s): 1. in my 2nd marriage, i had a superior, viable, actual reason to cheat, but i did not. if i had, our divorce would have been one of those messes, because that one part of my marriage would not have been honored, and he would hate me. 2. i once had a lover cheating on his wife in the mist of their divorce. when he married the 2nd time (he did not ask me!), he then approached me to be his lover! cheaters are always cheaters.
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  • 1 decade ago

    First of all, there's should be no BF or GF thing because those will lead to fornication which are a sin. but if you really want to know a different answer, then im sorry sister. that is the best answer i can give you. it is mentioned in the Bible so im just following what the bible says. of course it doesnt mention BG and GF. but it mention this situation that you're asking.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I agree that it does not matter if your married ot just in a relationship, the whole point is commitment, if he/she cannot be faithful what is the point of a relationship. IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHEAT GIVE YOUR OTHER THE COURTESY OF LEAVING....

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  • 1 decade ago

    A Man's Strength Is In His Character...Cheating shows a sign of weakness. I don't need a weak man in my life. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

    Source(s): Life, Love, and HeartACHE.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry, but the old saying "Once a cheater always a cheater." is true! Move on!! Why jump into a doomed relationship from the beginning?

    Source(s): experience
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