Look man, you are on track with "within one's self" but you aren't going to find "god" in there. You must help YOU. You must come to the realization on your own that life is just a big treacherous waste of time for all involved, and living is worth doing only because your options are rather limited now aren't they? You're going to die anyway, just like the rest of us. You may as well do so without the sickeningly sad notion that some "god" had his eye on you and made sure you go to the proper "place". There will be no judgment day, and the disappointment in yourself will be inadmissible since you'll be D-E-A-D. Go and live the life you've got, and enjoy the all little things you can. In the end, it's the little things... all that is left and all that will ever be.