I don't know how I'm going to afford to leave him?

I'm scared about how I'll afford to live on my own with 2 little kids. We've separated before, but at the time only had 1 child and we both barely could make it, it seems. We live in the state of WI, although he'll be living in IL. The most I could make at a job is $12 an hour and yet we'd have to pay for childcare for 2 kids and we have so much debt (at least $45K).

Is there any hope that I can do this? When we separated last time, I was goign to be living in IL and by the state of IL with his childsupport & 1/2 the daycare costs, I wouldn't be able to get state help. I don't know if WI would be different, doubt it, but I'm having a hard time finding anything on google for some reason.

Do you have any resources I can check out or any encouraging advice?

I want to end this marriage but yet in some ways I feel stuck because I don't think we'd be able to afford separating...


I wanted to say there is no working it out for me. I have given him many chances and I am tired of stressing, crying, and worrying about him. I can't live like this anymore.

Update 2:

Also, his income is $55K.

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm sure you both love each other and care deeply. Always try to work on situations like this together and dont turn against each other. Remember this and you will be together and happy for a long time. Cheers Nicki.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, you can afford it! Where there is a will, there IS a way!

    You must get on that phone and check with every homeless state, county and city government group.

    If you have any friends, relatives or churches around, tell the preachers what is going on and they may be able to help you find a place to stay.

    There are legal clinics that help with divorce and arranging that the credit card bills go to him as he makes the most money.

    You may have to bite the bullet and put the kids in the foster system until you earn enough to care for them. There is no guilt in this. This is one of the reasons they were created for.

    The gov't places will help you get training to get better jobs as well. Especially try to latch on to a good city, county, state or national government job. They pay well and have good benefits.

    Just remember - SOME men mature mentally and emotionally at half their age rate. So if he is now 20, he is thinking like a 10 year old. When these type of men hit 40, they have just entered into being REAL MEN of age 20.

    I suggest for the next husband you look for should be in a Church Singles club. Fellows there are often rather stable.

    Take care.

  • Rein
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I know exactly how you feel. However I did it!!! First you can go to the judicial system web site for the state that you live and they should have a child support calculator that will factor in incomes, health insurance and day care....giving you a pretty close estimate of what you should be able to expect. I left my ex, we owned a business together for 11 years, so when I left him I left my job also, I left with $10 in my pocket, left our child with him for a little while, he is a good father, and set out on my own scared to death. I found a job at a small company, the owner of the company advanced me money for a deposit on a place to live, I got my child and on $350.00 per week I paid the owner back the $2000 that he lent me, learned the mortgage business and wrote loans on the side to boost my income. I paid for child care and paid all of the bills I had on time...car payment included. Over time I started making pretty good money, made new friends and fell in love then remarried. It is never too late to start learning something new. You can take control over your life and can have and can become anything you like. I am doing pretty well now, don't even ask for child support and never took anything from the business that my ex and I started....what a slap in his face...I didn't need him after all!!!!!!!! Good luck, you can do it and I know that you will.

  • Apply for child support right away - don't wait on that.. go up to the child support office so they can get that going. Also- I do daycare - and I know that if you don't make much - you can get daycare assistance. (just check it out at the same place you apply for child support- they should have the information).... check out the income levels for that. that would help you get on your feet. I know you said you won't qualify- but, check again. How about low income housing - something else to check into. maybe you qualify for that.

    also remember: might seem like you were strapped for cash when he was in the house - so ..you can't imagine what it would be like when he's out - it will only be worse. thats not always true ( I Know from experience) - my electicity bill was less- you won't have his bills - gas bills- car payment- gas for car- food for him - etc etc.. you might be surprised how much cheaper it is to live without him. As for the debt - he will be stuck with some of that - (of course)... and... be smart about it ....maybe you can add your debt into one credit card - and find a no interest for a year credit card to put it on - so you are saving on interest etc.... as for daycare - look around... I know I personally charge by the hour- and I don't charge when the kids aren't here... some people in WI might do it that way also- not much different then MN. ((I do it that way because I don't think its fair to charge if the kids aren't here)... look around.

    also - when doing the divorce.. remember to put who get stuck paying insurance -- (hopefully its him) ..and .. remember out of pocket expenses - who covers what percentage. Mine is 60/40.. i pay 40% .. he pays 60% because he makes more..so, I said..thats all I will agree on. at first when they had it set up at the child support office- they had it 0% - 100% -- so, he should feel good about 60%! I don't know how Wisconsin is- but, the more he has the kids - the less child support he is going to pay - so... keep that in mind. don't go 50/50 as far as seeing the kids go. (at least not in the papers)....

    then... go look for a rich man! lol.. just kidding!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Since you already know what you want to do but aren't sure how to do it check on these links here for more information. I had to leave out of relationship too and ended up fine. There are lots of support programs out there and you will qualify for help also because of your status when you leave(single parent with children). Don't be afraid, you can manage, it will be hard but eventually work out. Try to stay calm and make rational decisions.

    Personal Plan

    In case you have to flee from violence in the home, have the following available:

    Important papers such as birth certificates, social security cards, insurance information, school and health records, welfare and immigration documents, and divorce or other court documents

    Credit cards, bank account number, and ATM cards.

    Some money

    An extra set of keys

    Medications and prescriptions

    Phone numbers and addresses for family, friends, doctors, lawyers, and community agencies.

    Clothing and comfort items for you and the children.

    Safety Plan

    Suggestions from the Family Violence Prevention Fund

    If you are in a violent relationship, one of the most important steps you can take is to make a safety plan both for home and the workplace. These plans contain simple but critical steps you can take to increase your safety while you deal with the violence you face in your personal life.

    If you are leaving your abuser, ask yourself the following questions:

    How and when can you most safely leave? Where will you go?

    Are you comfortable calling the police if you need them?

    Who can you trust to tell that you are leaving?

    How will you travel safely to and from work or school or to pick up children?

    What community and legal resources will help you feel safer? Write down their addresses and phone numbers, and keep them handy.

    Do you know the number of the local shelter?

    What custody and visitation provisions will keep you and your children safe?

    Is a restraining order a viable option?

    Good luck hon.


  • 1 decade ago

    Try us.gov,the Department of Families and Children is a federal program.They may be able to give you some ideas for cheap child care and low income housing.Most churches will help a single mother with kids as well.Good luck.(in Texas there is alot of help for women&kids)

  • 1 decade ago

    hey girl if your that unhappy make your way out of it child support works at all states here.. have you consider Philadelphia.. there is easy to live and they pay for everything even for you to go back to school and child care.. you need to find a place like this some states are harder than others what about family dont you have someone who can help you get out of this? I am going to pray for you hon good luck..

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dont be afraid you will make it. Why did you encourage him again and have another child. That is a disaster. You should never repeat your mistakes. Once bitten twice shy. Dont do it again. All men are useless and only think of what is in their pants, they have no brains at all. Stay away from them and love and take care of yourself and children. Dont ever make another mistake please. Now build up enough confidence and get strong headed and you will make it. Nothing is impossible.

  • 1 decade ago

    First question, DO YOU LOVE YOU HUSBAND? Work things out if you do and stay off of public assistance. Grow up a little, think of your kids!

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