asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

英文作文...挑錯

大家好:

這是我寫的作文, 老師說我錯的很嚴重, 但沒有給我方向. 我知道我的缺點之一是描述的文字過長, 但以下這篇....若以文法上, 我不知那裡有錯. 另外, 老師說Busyness的字, 很奇怪....但確實有這個字呀!

可否請高手協助, 毫無保留的挑錯, 或可以給予寫作上的建議, 我很虛心學習的. 感謝

Topic: The chores that I am going to do this weekend

I have been busy from the school began. General affairs staff is my new position at the class, from receiving money, making an order for the books, calculating all the number about book quantity and how much money will be refund to the classmates. My first week student life was full of busyness. One day after school, I was shocked when I opened my house. There were some crumbs left on the floor, dirty socks were stuffed into the pillow and some ants were creeping along the dining table rapidly. What a terrible thing! That could be my boy did. That night, my girl told me she missed my cooking, and then, I thought I had to do a big clean for my family. Holidays came in. I got up earlier. I have done many chores in the morning, including doing the laundry, changing the sheets, mopping the floor. After a lunch break, I cleaned the kitchen, washed the sink and my husband washed the car. It was almost 4 p.m.; I made my children to take a bath, and I scrubbed the toilet when they soaked in the bathtub. It was dinnertime; my family members were enjoying what I made dinner for them. At the same time, I took out the trash and paid the bills on the convenience store. Yeh, How neat and tidy the house was! I thought I have to do the cleaning regularly.

Update:

真的很感謝三位, 我看了一下後, 收獲相當多, 再次謝謝.

另外我還有二個問題: 1. since後的動詞, 不是要接過去式嗎? 如我這句, 因為它己經開學了. 2. busyness很少使用嗎? 我在網上查了, 有人將它使用於忙碌, 而在先前, 我用Longman查, 是沒有這個字. (當然, 或許我該使用was terribly busy取代我原始用字)

也很謝謝Midge 的修改方式, 好感動. 不只謝謝您修改的英文, 也謝謝您對我的中文所提出的疑問, 這樣我會修正自己的思考模式, 讓別人可以更清楚瞭解我所要表達的內容.

3 Answers

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have been busy "since" the school begins. "Treasurer" is my new position in the class. (總務是treasurer 不是 general affairs staff) I need to collect money, make "orders" to textbooks, check out the number of the textbooks, and refund money to my classmates. (應該是訂很多本書,所以訂單是複數,第一個textbooks前面沒有"the"因為沒有指特定的教科書,後面一個有"the"因為在指前面的!)Because of this, (因為上述原因) My first week of this semester is very "busy". (你很強喔!full of 後面知道要用名詞,但在這邊來說,busyness是指有勤勉的意思,或形容小城市純樸大城市繁忙的繁忙!個人建議相這種你就應該要看一下英英字典是怎麼解釋的!) \

    I was shocked when I "went" back home. (打開的通常都是門,所以應該說開門open the door,但這邊你應該是想說回家吧!) Some crumbs "were" left on the floor, dirty socks were stuffed into the pillow"," and some ants were creeping along the dining table rapidly. (以你寫的方式,你最好直接降寫就不要寫there were了!因為there were的were是動詞,你後面的東西照你原本的寫法,文法是不對的!) "At" that night, my girl told me that she missed my dishes , and then I thought I had to "cleanup" my family. (文法我改了,不過我要說的是,你這邊連貫怪怪的!為什麼女兒和你說想你的菜會讓你想清廚房???)

    I "did" many chores in the morning, including ~~~, and mopping the floor. (所有一連串用 ,,,的連接的動作在最後一個要用連接詞and或其他連接詞連接,而這一個連接詞前面要有",")After the lunch break, I cleaned up the kitchen and washed the sink, and my husband washed the car. (這邊", and" 和上面的不一樣,這邊是因為你兩句的主詞不一樣,所以要降分開表示連接兩個句子!) I "had" my children to take a bath, and I scrubbed the toilet when ~~~ they were soaking ~~~around 4 p.m. My family enjoyed the dinner I made. After the dinner time, (應該是之後才去做的吧!怎麼會同時?我不懂喔!) I threw out the trash and paid for bills in a "convenient" store. How neat and tidy my house was! I thought I had to clean up regularly.

    希望我改的你看的懂,要是有不懂的歡迎再問!

    2007-10-02 11:14:37 補充:

    不好意思,是我打太快了!是began沒錯!since後面動詞用過去式大部分是當"自從"講喔!因為,since還可以當"因為",所以要注意用法喔!

    講真的,busyness這個字我市查yahoo 字典才看到的,但問題是很少人在用了!應該說妳是我第一個看到降用的!因為大部分會直接說我很忙,直接用I am busy這種來講!當然也有可能是我書看不多沒有看到過!我覺得有時後很多東西都是台灣人自己弄出來的!所以我覺得要學英文比較好的方式還是用英英自典會比較好!因為降你才可以看到用英文的解釋,你才會更懂一點!也可以看到句子是怎樣寫的!:)

    Good luck

    Source(s): 我, 我
  • 1 decade ago

    逐句拆解,希望有助您參照比對,惟限於篇幅,無法細說原由,但歡迎您來信發問:

    I have been busy since the school began.

    As the newly appointed treasurer of the class, I have to collect fees, sort and inventory books, and calculate correct refund to the classmates.

    My first week as a student was full of busyness.

    One day, after school, I was so shocked when opening the door of my house.

    There were crumbs on the floor, dirty socks in the pillow, and even some ants creeping along the edge of the dining table.

    What a terrible scene! It must be my son!

    That night, my daughter told me that she missed my cooking, and then I thought of some cleaning up to do.

    I got up earlier during the holidays.

    In the morning, I finished many chores like doing the laundry, changing sheets, and mopping the floor.

    After the lunch, I cleaned the kitchen and washed the sink while my husband washed the car.

    Around 4 p.m., I bathed my children and scrubbed the toilet when they were soaking in the bathtub.

    Later during the dinnertime, my family enjoyed the meal I cooked for them.

    Then, I took out the trash and paid bills at a convenience store.

    Yeah!! How tidy the house is! I think I will do the cleaning regularly.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have been busy since the school began. General affairs staff is my new position in the class, from class cashier, making book orders, order management to the accounting for the classmates. In the first week my student life was terribly busy. One day after school while I opened my house I was shocked at seeing crumbs left everywhere on the floor, dirty socks stuffed in the pillow and ants creeping along the dining table. What a terrible sight! It could be what my boy did. That night, my girl told me she missed my cooking while I was thinking I had to do a big clean for my house. The following holiday came in and I got up earlier. I did many chores in the morning, including the laundry, sheets changing and floor mopping. After the lunch break, I cleaned the kitchen, washed the sink and help my husband wash the car. It was almost until 4 p.m. I made my children take a bath and scrub the toilet myself when they soaked in the bathtub. In the dinnertime while all my family members were enjoying the dinner I made for them, I took the trash out and paid the bills in the convenience store. Yeh, how neat and tidy the home turned out to be! I thought I have to do the cleaning regularly from now on.

    2007-10-01 11:52:34 補充:

    following holiday came in and I got up earlier. I did many chores in the morning

    改成

    following holiday came in and I got up earlier. I did lots of chores in the morning

    Source(s): Self
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