I really need peoples opinions on this peom thigy I wrote.?

People's opinions matter to me. Be truthful and honest please.

I wrote this peom from a friends perspective. And I do not have a title for it either.

I often think suicide,

Might be a good thing.

Considering it always crosses my mind.

Is it selfish of me?

To do that, to cause all of those cries?

I think not, they brought it a pon themselves.

My choice nothing wrong with it they just don't see

Either way I'm happy and they'll get over it eventually.

So I'll carve your apologies into my wrist,

Let their guilt drip from my finger tips

Wrap this hate around my neck

Kick this chair right from beneath me.

Hang there lifelessly.

I'm not for sure but Idk here is a chorus for it I guess... Poem song I don't really care what it really is lol. Just something I wrote.

Chorus:

Suicidle in denial.

Suicidle can not smile.

Lonely and depressed.

Much on my shoulders.

So much stress.

10 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    i just fell in love with your poem, and song/chorus. It was really good, it got my attention thats for sure. I just hope u dont really want to commit suicide, becuase you have a talent! You should be an author of some sort! Everybody would buy anything you write. Just try to make it less "suicidal". But otherwise i totally luved it! I hope you write something else and share it with MEEE!!!

    good job

    *i hope you choose best answer*

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  • 1 decade ago

    if you got suicidal tendencies and you're thinking about it then you see probably no way out but there's a light in the end of a tunnel. God is the light. He loves you like noone else in the world and He wants you to be the happiest. If you do not want to live then nobody will help you. Do you think that's a great idea to kick the bucket in the bathroom by cutting your veins thinking about "Oh how selfish am I?" Believe it or not but think everything over and live a happy life with love and friendship! Do not do that!!!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you are very concerned for your friend.

    In assessing the poem, it sounds like the friend is conflicted about their worth. They want to be considerate of others, but find no consideration for themself by others.

    The poem/song is very good in that it is clearly depicting actual pictures of human condition and emotion, and it does this in a constant rhythm.

    I'd title it something just as descriptive such as "Conflicted" or "Forsaken".

    You should keep writing. You've definitely got a talent for poetry.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think it's really good - I luv the metaphors towards the end about carving apologies into the wrist / guilt drip from fingertips. Pretty creative...

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  • 1 decade ago

    Try and make each line have the same amount of syllables

    and a pon = upon

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  • i love your poem/song whatever you want to call it i really love this part right here :So I'll carve your apologies into my wrist,

    Let their guilt drip from my finger tips

    Wrap this hate around my neck

    Kick this chair right from beneath me.

    Hang there lifelessly.

    it reminds me of some songs i listen to

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  • 1 decade ago

    whoa, heavy...

    First few lines...not good, but it start's picking up from "My choice..."

    It could work as a song but you'd need to work on the first few lines, the chorus and maybe some other verses

    This would probably have appealed to me more when I was younger (so much younger than today..ay)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like your 'friend' needs some help. Really, she needs someone to talk to, if she is feeling like this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    suicide is NEVER an option!!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    please do not commite that

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