Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

i feel depressed cause of family problems...?

its like i cant stop crying

my dad is so selfish and stubborn that its making me miserable. He gets home from work and all he does is play useless video games. While my mom works for 12 hours each day, and she has to cook and buy food cause my dad is too busy playing video games to care.

Now, i dont usually cry. So dont call me a crybaby, the last time ive cried was like 4 years ago (yeah, about when i was 9 or so)

So because my moms miserable, my dads life gets worse and vice versa. And then their health gets worse cuz they both smoke and they usually smoke when theyre stressed are pissed. So then im stressed cause of school and family issues, and friends issues which i wont mention.

Im only 13 (turned 13 yesterday) so no anti depressant pills or therapy sessions and stuff. what should i do... i cant take it. Already broken stuff around the house cause i cant handle the stress. Actin all emo today, sittin in the corner of my room on a laptop writing this...

Update:

My moms 29, and my uncle and moms parents lives with us. My grandma doesnt work and my grandpas company is disolving or something. So the house and money will soon have to be taken care of by my uncle and my mom (and my dad) so thats why shes working alot more than often.

My dads 33-34 (forgot lol) he says that video games would be with him forever. He was basically raised in a sports fanatic family and plays online with other people.

Update 2:

Im 13 year old girl, A- B+ ish student, so yeah i dont have to worry about school. Transition to gr 8 givin me lotsa stress.

Some of my friends are becoming less friends and stuff.

Sometimes i just wanna get out of hte house and stay out.

Update 3:

NOT RELIGIOUS!! Yes, it has its downsides.

Parents arent married in case divorce is one of your answers. I think theyve been together for a loong time. Well im 13 and he IS my father.

21 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    13 was one of the hardest years of my life and many people I know. You're stuck being a victim of your parents problems, HS graduation and a life of your own is way off, and you feel totally not in control of everything that goes on in your life.

    I see alot of people tell you to talk to or confront your parents, but I know that rarely works and do NOT be upset if they won't listen, get mad, or whatever. Many parents don't care about the happiness of their kids or act that way, but this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just them. If I thought talking to them would work I'd say to, but I'm guessing you've tried if you could-I would've gotten the crap beaten outta me for telling them I was unhappy personally-or can't. I was informed at 13 that my happiness was unimportant as I was not even a human until I was 18, until then basically a nothing, so I had better be happy for what I had and shut up....

    First off, antidepressants are way overrated, don't really work that well, and make you feel like a zombie. Be happy no one is trying to give them to you! Secondly, you need to try and find another way to get rid of aggression beside breaking things (all it ever got me was more trouble for breaking things!) as the situation is probably not going to improve much anytime soon. Letting anger build up in you will make things worse, you need to find something physical to do when you need a release like running, hitting baseballs, yoga meditation, kicking soccer balls, punching a pillow, something to give you an outlet. Besides that you might want to keep a journal as I know it seems like things could be fixed if only ____ or _____ but no one will listen or your dad is being a total jerk and you need to tell someone but there's no one to talk to...writing down your feelings when you're angry is amazingly helpful. So is writing letters to people that you never intend to give them-like writing your mom how you feel about her getting treated the way she is by your dad or your dad about how he treats her badly. I don't care how old you are or what sex you are, but it's OK to cry!!! Of course, you don't want to around your friends but when you are alone and upset cry if you need to or want to, it's a great release. Holding back those tears will not make things better so let them out at an appropriate time. Maybe you have a friend who also has family problems that you can commiserate with, this might be easier with a female than a male, but there are other kids who have crappy home lives, too, and it helps to have someone to talk to. Even a friend can often be as helpful as a therapist to let you get things off your chest. I dunno how I would have made it through middle and high school without my friends. It really helps when you have other people tell you "You know what, you're not crazy but your parents sure are!" because I'm sure it feels like you are going crazy sometimes. You also need to find ways to distract yourself from the things going on that are bothering you...reading is excellent, video games and TV work, too, but anything that will allow you an "escape" is the goal. Sometimes the best thing to do is try not to think about it since there's really not much you can do to change things between your parents and that's your main cause of stress. Anything that absorbs you enough to get you to stop thinking about things for a while and get unemotional.

    My mom allowed herself to be pushed around by many guys including my dad and I've even tried to step in the way when some were trying to hit her. The things I had to endure because of it were horrible, as was having to watch her being abused and not do anything to stop it. It's really hard to see the people you love hurt, but this is something you will have to deal with forever as you cannot make people act a certain way or not do things that will hurt them. The good news is that when you get older you will have a bit more control over things like that but your parents will still have whatever problems they're having even when you move out, maybe worse.

    One thing you can do to help is maybe go out of your way to help out your mom with household stuff even though dad won't. You can start to watch when she cooks and does chores, and you can help and eventually learn to do some of these things yourself. I'm sure this will improve mom's mood and give her more time to herself. She might even look at things differently when she sees you helping even when dad won't, and I'm sure she'll appreciate whatever help you give her around the house. (It's good to learn this stuff anyway!) This can only improve the situation and isn't that much to ask to help you get less stressed.

    As far as being depressed, part of it is your age and the hormones "raging" through you, this should ease up by 15 hopefully if not sooner. As hard as it is to accept, you cannot truly change what's going on with your parents-it's their problems and they are the only ones who can actually change what's causing them. Getting too depressed about it doesn't do anyone any good, what's going to happen is going to happen and it's got nothing to do with you, so you can't feel at all to blame. Just try to love them and do what you can to make life as easy as possible for everyone's sake (without making too many sacrifices, of course) to make daily life more bearable for yourself. Remember that in a few years their relationship will not be as much of a factor in your happiness as you move out and get your own life, so try to take that into consideration when you do get upset. It's only temporary, as far away as independence may seem to you now, and you will get through it no matter how it feels. I'm not trying to belittle your pain, I'm sure it's 100% real, and at 13 I was way more unhappy than you so I do know what you're going through. You just need to keep perspective and try your best to not be affected by your home life...if anything try and learn from it all if possible so as not to make the same mistakes they do. As far as school and friends causing you stress, just do your best in school (I got out of my house sooner by graduating HS a year early so do not neglect your work, good grades will only help at home and with life) and if your friends are really your friends then they shouldn't be causing you too many problems...ok maybe dating stuff(LOL), but these things are universal to us all.

    What helped me most at that age were good books, great friends to talk to, meditation, writing (be sure to keep anything you want private hidden well!!!) and music. Keep your eye on the future, but don't forget to try and have as much fun and get as much out of life as you can though, OK. You will make it...anything that doesn't kill you, well, definitely doesn't kill you-LOL!

    If you don't have anyone to talk to you can e-mail me, I'm a good listener :)

  • Gayle
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    At 16 you've already lived through much more stress than most people do by the age of 30. You have genuinely tough issues to deal with. It is only normal that you would feel overwhelmed, and that all this stress is playing on your health / mental / emotional health. ..........And yet, tonight you are feeling these things. It sounds like your mom really cares about you - and is trying to keep you safe. Let her in on what you are thinking and feeling. Ask her to help you find some help. If it's just you and your mom, and your mom's income is low, I suggest you may qualify for medical/dental/mental health care and prescriptions - Medicaid (Medi Cal in California) You can apply through the Department of Social / Human Services in your county. Look in your phone book Government Pages near the front. Look under Counties for your county to find the number. For mental health care for yourself, Also look on the County pages for your local Mental or Behaviioral Health offices. They would take the Medicaid as payment for your care. Another thing usually available to people with difficulty paying for services, the fee would be adjusted to the size of your family's income. You are wise to address your symptoms soon. You have a whole life ahead of you. Stay on the right track!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm sorry about your family problems and I think I'm close to understanding how you feel. I'm 14 and my mom has an alcohol problem. For almost two months I didn't see her (including on my birthday) because she was at rehab. I wouldn't dare tell my friends. She still sneaks bottles of wine home and hides her room and drinks. It really hurts out family, especially my older brother and I. Trust me, I've broken things out of anger too.

    I really rely on my friends now that I told them how I feel and whats been going on. I thought they would make a big deal of it but they have been so supportive! I also lean on my brother and my Dad for help. At school, just think... about your school work not your parents. School is your time to be with friends and learn- away from the house, not stress out.

    Other than that, you could always help your mom with cleaning and cooking. I know I would be hesitant about talking to my parents but it really might help.

    Take it easy,

    Love, Lauren

    Source(s): My source: personal experience
  • 1 decade ago

    Keeping your emotions pent inside isn't healthy. You must release it, and when I say this, tell your parents about thier situation. Tell your dad he's a videogame addict and that he's ignoring his responsibilities as a good father. And that your losing respect for him as a father figure. Tell your mom she shouldn't put up with the tremdous responsibility of taking care of the family all by herself when your father is just chilling there relaxing. And for goodness sake beg them to stop smoking. Your way to young to be having all this trouble on yoru shoulders, you should be worrying about school and boys (or girls if your a guy).

    I'm sorry for what is happening to you but sitting around and doing nothing isn't productive.Your not helping yourself or anyone by sitting down and doing nothing.

    You have the power to change your family, for the better.

    Always remember this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Happy Be-lated Birthday!

    So sorry you are going though this kind of stuff at such an early age. You need to get your mom and dad in the same room and tell them that you can't take it anymore and that you are stressed because of them. If this doesn't work go to a family member an aunt , uncle or Grandparent and tell them.

  • 1 decade ago

    hey, i know its hard im 13 2 my name is blu stiefer(yes im a girl why do people ask me that?) any ways i used to have problems with friends and family last year in grade seven and it beat me in side, i didnt feel happy but after words i talk with so friends that would listen to me and i felt a little better then i did the un thinkebl and confronted my mom. she said she was sorry and all that other crapish but what im trying to say is really dont let it control you you do somthing before depression does somthing to you write me back when you feel beter k?

    hope the info worked out for you

    blu stiefer

  • 1 decade ago

    This is when you need to stop thinking about your problems and just talk to a friend... You have NO idea how amasing that feels. And I know, to some degree, what you are going through... just hang in there and always remaine positive. Best of luck, god's little 13-year-old.

    Here is a link to help... if it gets too bad:

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to sit down and talk to your parents and tell them both how you feel. Tell them how angry it is making you and how depressed you are. Oh and 13 is not to young for therapy or meds although I don't think meds is what you need. It sounds like your parents could benefit from couples therapy and all of you could use individual and family therapy. I started therapy at 14 because of my crappy home life.

    Remember not to blame yourself for their problems. Try to find things to do that you enjoy. A hobby or sport maybe. I would also recommend taking these problems to God. You'd be surprised how great of a listener he is.

    God Bless!

    Source(s): Experience. Been there done that.
  • 1 decade ago

    I do feel bad for you, and likewise come from an abusive situation. Try and not blame yourself for the bad happenings, and realize that you are going to have to depend on yourself for things your father is supposed to provide. If you can, try and ask for advice with this problem, like his parents, and maybe people at school. They might be able to do some good where you can't.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey you think you got it bad ....not like i do. My father beated my mom, cheated on her, refused to pay for my sisters college( and thanks to him she has 3 kids at 23yrs old and she is so poor that she dont have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of) and when our family broke up it messed with her mentaly, paid a bunch of people to do illegal stuff , lies to me and my family and tries to act like the good guy , and he sent 2 men out to kill me an my mom more than three times and we are still running from him to day, i have been held at gun point, i was less than a second away from loosing my life,my father abused me mentally, emotionally, verbally, Not only that my baby cousin just died last year and we were thick as theeves, on top of that i have 2 nicess that i have not even seen yet, plus i just moved away from my home town chicago not to long ago and i miss it so bad because the state i live in now is filled with people who are phony, liers, backstabbers, they put down poor people, ect.I have been depressed for forever. But i stoped because i realized you caint keep that dark cloud over your head or your life will pass you by and it blocks your blessings. So no i only try to focus on what makes me happy in life. And who ever trys to put me down i will stand up to them and say "screw you" right to thier face. Because i have been through so much that what ever ignorant thing that they have to say dont mean sh*t to me. So try to stay positive by getting into activities that are new to you and do things that you like to do, or do like me and break it off with your friends who cause drama in your life.

    Source(s): My sources is me myself and i. I work out all my problems on my own because no one knowns me better than i know myself (other than god) and people who go to phycologist and people like them is doing nothing but getting ripped off . That problem will still be there but it is up to you to face that problem so that if it comes up you could be like that thing is in the past. I will admit this is not an over the night type thing it does take time to get over depression. I hope i helped
  • 1 decade ago

    you need to talk to someone. it sounds like ur depressed in the same way i´ve been lately. i´m not going to try and tell you what´s wrong with you, b/c you can very well figure that out, but let me just say i´ve been feeling the very same kind of depression lately. i´m honestly the happiest person i know, normally. but i´m currently an exchange student and i just switched families and i know its not the same situation as yours, but i know what it feels like to be the kind of depressed where you just cry for no particular reason, like there are reasons but not enough to cry over or at least it doesn´t seem like it and you just wish that they would realize what they´re doing wrong and how bad it is for them and you and how much its bothering you, and no matter what you do, you can´t seem to get them to notice how depressed you´re feeling, or if they notice, its like they don´t even care because they´re useless problems are so clearly more important than you, their, kid. Don´t worry about the crying. I felt so bad for crying all the time until someone reminded me its just your body´s way of releaving stress and letting out your emotions, so don´t be ashamed to be acting emo, its good for you, at least in this situation.

    I´ve gtg, but if you want to talk about it or just talk, you can email me. But really, whether you talk to me or not, you need to talk to someone... whoever you feel most comfortable with emotionally... well umm you quite nicely lacked the detail of whether u were a guy or girl but um... well if you´ve got a close female friend, i´d talk to them, unless you´re ok with getting emotional in front of any of ur guy friends... or another member of your family, or just anyone, because i know you´ve prolly heard this a million times but its true, the best thing you can possibly do is talk. Or write down every little thing going through your head. its stupid but it works suprisingly well, b/c once everything´s on paper it kind of clears your mind, like its not worth thinking the same thing twice, idk thats the best i can explain it but basically it´ll make you feel less stressed and it´ll possibly make you feel a little less emo. or maybe more emo, depending on how u look at it.. but anyways thats besides the point. just let out your feelings, basically, anyway you can.

    And if you want, and if you don´t think they´ll like beat you or anything, i´d have a nice happy screaming session towards your parents. talk to them and let them know what´s bothering you and if/when they don´t pay attention or don´t care, there´s nothing (as far as i´m concerned, i´m quite sure others will dissagree...) with screaming at them. if anything, it´ll make you feel quite a bit better, and it´ll hopefully nock some sense into them. or, alternatively, make them think you´re insane. but only you know your parents, so its your choice :) just do what feels right. or well, actually, just what makes you feel better. breaking things isn´t right but it sure as hell feels good. but... er... um i didn´t just recomend that did i? idk. have at it. whatever. god this was the most random and unnecesarily detailed advice ever. i sure help i hoped, or else you´re prolly rather confused/annoyed having read all this usesless stuff. unless it did help. in which case, ur welcome. idk. whatever. write me if u want. or don´t. idk :)

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