Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

A dogs chalkboard assignment?

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks

1. [xxx] is not food.

Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes hamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honey packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and other thin plastic things.

2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx].

Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new boyfriend; mailman; woodstove; subordinate pack members; Grandma's plush chair; the conformation judge; good-looking neighbour man that Mommy is trying to impress; Daddy in the lawn chair.

3. I recognize that [xxx] has a right to exist.

The humans' shoes; the human's cats; the aquarium; 3rd grade art projects (even if they are made of macaroni shells); the other dog(s); the TV remote control; the human's little humans; the bath mitt; Rolling Stone magazine; large patterns on wallpaper;

4. [xxx] is not a toy.

The humans' shoes; the human's cats; the humans' pet cockatiel; newly planted iris bulbs; pillows and blankets from the bed; laundry (dirty OR clean); aquarium plants; stuffed animals from on top of the chest of drawers; pillows and blankets from the newly made bed; the hose that's filling the kiddie pool; the humans' Nerf footballs; human's underwear; Mommy and Daddy's ferrets.

5. I will not chew the [xxx].

Human's homework; human's papers s/he has to mark; remote control; cardboard around the laundry detergent; handles to the lawn tools; garage door; kitchen cabinets; food left within reach on the couch; the mini-human's *full* bottle even though it conveniently fell in front of me from the crib; horse's new saddle; wall; carpet; deck; couch; sofa cushions; expensive paperbacks.

6. I will not bark at [xxx].

Plastic bags on the ground; the new plow blade on my owner's truck when it is parked; the wind; thunder; the road grader; Daddy's new Santa bear toy (which was innocently sitting on a chair, and had been there for hours before Molly noticed it and took umbrage); tissue paper being blown along the floor by air from the furnace; the spring doorstop when I or the kid flips it and makes it go DOooiiiiinnnnnng; my mother's clean laundry thrown on top of the bed, even if the room is dark and it looks like someone sleeping there; the ball I just pushed into an inaccessible crevice all by myself; the fox/skunk/cat/deer out in the yard at any time after midnight, especially on a work night; the fire hydrant on the corner when out for a walk at night; the car radio; the answering machine lady when she says the date/time; the ice cube that slid under the fridge; the rawhide chewbone that I'm making no headway on; absolutely nothing (especially after 11 PM).

7. I will not dig [xxx].

Under the stove (and through the linoleum); under the sidewalk until it collapses; the carpet; a hole under the porch and then get stuck under it; under my master's pillow at 2 AM to retrieve the bone I hid there earlier; a swimming pool in the back yard;

Update:

hahaha yahoo suggested that this should go into decorating and remodeling

13 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Ha ha ha you are definatly on form this evening,,,,have a star

  • 1 decade ago

    1) Mommy's catnip teabags is not food.

    2) I will not lift my leg to the good-looking neighbour man that Mommy is trying to impress.

    3) I recognize that the human's cats has a right to exist.

    4) the hose that's filling the kiddie pool is not a toy.

    5) I will not chew the food left within reach on the couch.

    6) I will not bark at absolutely nothing (especially after 11 PM).

    7) I will not dig under the sidewalk until it collapses.

    These are so ridiculous. anyways star for you.

  • 3 years ago

    The suggestion of an obedience class is an excellent one. Read here https://tr.im/nuwH0

    It will help your dog learn to behave around other dogs, and help keep your training moving forward as you'll want to be prepared for the next class. Also, a good instructor can be a wonderful resource, someone to help you with any questions or concerns about your dog. Leash training can take a LOT of time and patience, depending upon the dog. I'm not sure what you mean by 'horrible on a leash' but my basic suggestion is that you take a lot of yummy treats with you on walks. When your dog behaves well on the leash (not pulling) praise her and give her treats. Change direction a lot so that she learns to pay attention to YOU and where you are going. It's also helpful to teach a "Watch Me" command such that whenever your dog looks at you you praise her and give her a treat. About chewing, yes a Kong is a great chew toy. Some dogs also like Nylabone brand bones. I suggest also teaching a "Leave It" command. You use this when she shows interest in chewing on something she shouldn't. Then immediately give her something she is allowed to chew, such as the Kong stuffed with somethig yummy. This same command will be helpful on walks when she wants to sniff or eat something she shouldn't. Again, when she does leave the item alone, be sure to give lots of praise. I would look into an obedience class right away. I think that you'll find that a good obedience class can help enormously! Good luck and enjoy your new dog.

  • Deedee
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Lmaorofl. a good one, keep them coming, thx for the laughs. A star from me to you!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You find one that says a wife's assignment and you're dead, pmsl

    Another great one

    Have a star

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Source(s): Trainee mistress of merryment
  • 1 decade ago

    all dog owners note

  • 1 decade ago

    lol. i liked that, i have a jack Russel, its soooo dumb. i starred it.

  • 1 decade ago

    very good, Brill

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hahaha lol

  • 1 decade ago

    ha ha ha funny

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