How to deal with passive aggressiveness?
I am dealing with my mother’s passive aggressiveness, which is very hard to put up. For example, one minute my mother will tell me that she will pay for something on (dinner at a restaurant) and then change her mind when the bill arrives making me feel bad for not having the money to help her pay for it then hold it over my head. She is constantly buying things for my family and herself that have no logic. Over the past 5 years, she has bought me antique oil lamps. What am I supposed to do with 5 oil lamps let alone 1? Recently, she went out and bought my son 18-24 month old clothing when my son is a 4T. When I pointed it out to her, she snapped back “I was only trying to help and YOU can take them back to the store if you don’t want them.” Then she goes on to make me feel like an ingrate for not accepting these “gifts.” Other times, she will completely ignore what you have to say and do what she wants anyway and later tells you that's what YOU wanted. What can I do?!?
I should add that we all live together so she is not lonely. I firmly believe that by telling someone not to take the garbage out because they will do it and then later complain about how they always have to take the garbage out is classic passive-aggressive behavior. She's been doing this for years, especially the shopping for nonsense items that nobody wants or needs.
- zee zeeLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
don't perpetuate in her actions .... don't feel guilty and don't let her make you feel guilty ... some one has done these things to her and she learned well ...... but you don't have to join in .... ignore her ... don't play her games.... put the lamps in her room ..... she bought them so she must like them ... and if she calls you ungrateful ... just dont say anything back ..... just be quiet........watch her go on and on with the guilt trip ....... be an observer in her life.... not a percipient ..... and keep your energy strong and don't let her get to you........ she learned how to manipulate you and she just can learn how not to ...... dont let the guilt trips work anymore......
- tom baileyLv 51 decade ago
Buying 5 oil lamps might be for some other odd reason. This does not sound like passive aggresiveness it just sounds like an older person trying to get your attention. You have a daughter that you are very busy with and she might feel a need for your attention. Look at the problem as her needing attention and see if looking at it from that view helps.
Sometimes as people age she feels unneeded, maybe have her help you more with your son and give her lots of positive attention for that instead so she does not need to go on another lamp buying spree.
- savitzLv 44 years ago
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- 1 decade ago
We by our actions and allowences teach those around us how to treat us.